The Pope: Entire World Does Not Believe They're Hearing This

The world was literally rocked to its foundations today after Pope Benedict XVI said something stupid and homophobic.
Previously well-known for his progressive and liberal views on The Gays, and as leader of the world's largest LGBT advocacy organisation, the Catholic Church, one Twitter tweeted; "WTF? The Pope is anti-gay!?? NFW! Mind = blown!"
During his annual Christmas address - and speaking in the official ancient Vatican language of Gobbledygook Nonsensus Longwindus - His Holiness said;

"People dispute the idea that they have a nature, given by their bodily identity, that serves as a defining element of the human being. They deny their nature and decide that it is not something previously given to them, but that they make it for themselves. According to the biblical creation account, being created by God as male and female pertains to the essence of the human creature. This duality is an essential aspect of what being human is all about, as ordained by God. This very duality as something previously given is what is now disputed. The words of the creation account: “male and female he created them” (Gen 1:27) no longer apply. No, what applies now is this: it was not God who created them male and female – hitherto society did this, now we decide for ourselves. Man and woman as created realities, as the nature of the human being, no longer exist. Man calls his nature into question. From now on he is merely spirit and will. The manipulation of nature, which we deplore today where our environment is concerned, now becomes man’s fundamental choice where he himself is concerned. From now on there is only the abstract human being, who chooses for himself what his nature is to be. Man and woman in their created state as complementary versions of what it means to be human are disputed. But if there is no pre-ordained duality of man and woman in creation, then neither is the family any longer a reality established by creation. Likewise, the child has lost the place he had occupied hitherto and the dignity pertaining to him. Bernheim shows that now, perforce, from being a subject of rights, the child has become an object to which people have a right and which they have a right to obtain. When the freedom to be creative becomes the freedom to create oneself, then necessarily the Maker himself is denied and ultimately man too is stripped of his dignity as a creature of God, as the image of God at the core of his being. The defence of the family is about man himself. And it becomes clear that when God is denied, human dignity also disappears. Whoever defends God is defending man."

Catholic commentators were united in saying that, although they had absolutely no idea what any of this actually meant, they really, really hoped it wasn't something medieval, bigoted and hateful.
The Pope - who, as a former member of Hitler Youth and for covering up the biggest child abuse scandal of all-time, is widely acknowledged as a moral compass to the world - was unavailable for comment. 

• Full text of his Christmas address here. Admittedly it contains some good jokes about the Olympics, Xmas TV viewing tips and some baking dos and don'ts.