Sunday 30 November 2014

Porn: The Following Content Is Not Acceptable

The following content is not acceptable from the 1st December 2014

Today marks the beginning of a new phase in a sustained campaign of internet censorship which has wide-reaching consequences beyond the mere production and consumption of pornography.

These new regulations impose even more draconian restrictions on the types of pornography that can be depicted on regulated Video on Demand services. Previously the Crown Prosecution Service’s Guidance on the OPA provided a list of sexual activities which were deemed illegal to publish.

However these new Regulations specifically state that only sexual content that is equivalent to the BBFC R18 Category can be sold via VoD service. This is a significantly lower threshold.

According to Nikki Whiplash, a regulated video on demand service provider who attended a recent ATVOD and BBFC led seminar on the impact of the new regulations, the following sexual activities will be deemed either acceptable or unacceptable at R18 classification level:

Watersports and Squirting
Peeing and squirting are acceptable if not performed onto another person and/or then consumed.

Squirting during sex or masturbation is acceptable if fairly brief, isolated and not deliberately consumed or put onto a body. It would be acceptable to imply that it was licked up if could be deemed as to be simulated.


Fisting
Fisting is not acceptable. Penetration with all five digits beyond last knuckle is not acceptable; but all five digits of two or more hands would be acceptable as long as not past last knuckle.

Ofcom have sought medical guidance on fisting and don't believe it to be a dangerous act to perform. However, as the CPS’ Guidelines specifically cite fisting as obscene the BBFC can't pass fisting for classification. The BBFC acknowledge that they are well aware of the decision in R v Peacock but are obliged to have regard to CPS’ OPA Guidelines.

Amputee Insertion
Since the BBFC haven't ever needed to consider amputee insertion, they reserve their position on the matter.

Enemas
Enemas are acceptable if once they are squirted out they don't hit anyone else and does not contain feces. It is not acceptable to subsequently lick up what has been expelled; unless this is simulated (for example switched for another substance).

Catheters
Catheterisation is acceptable, even if catheter connected to mouth; presuming that the tube is not transparent so that the liquid moving through cannot be seen.

Eating ejaculate
Any form of consumption of (male) ejaculate is acceptable.

Vomiting
Vomiting may be acceptable if it is not performed as part of a sexual act; and is not visibly enjoyed by the participants.

‘Public’ Sex
Should the content features any nudity or other activity which might outrage the public decency, then the BBFC must be assured that the material in question was shot on private land with no public access or shot abroad. However, simulating the impression that it is in public is acceptable, fir example a vehicle with tinted windows. The key consideration that the material has not been created in the public eye.


‘Age Play’
Anything which might ‘encourage’ incest or sex with children under the age of eighteen is absolutely unacceptable.

However school uniforms are acceptable presuming that there are no references to the performer pretending to be under eighteen; and participants clearly 'of legal age' and participating in a consensual adult role play

Weapons
Sexual activities performed at gunpoint are unacceptable if it is “believable”. This will depend on tone and believability. Basically if it looks like it could be a non-consensual activity then it is not acceptable.

Bondage and Restraint
Full bondage in conjunction with a gag is unacceptable, since there needs to be an obvious (to the viewer) means to signal to stop. Hence it is acceptable if not all four limbs are tied. Thus a means to indicate the withdrawal of consent must be visible to the viewer. For example full bondage and gagging would be acceptable if there is a safe signal which is defined as part of the scene.

Thus elements like artistic license, storyline and context become important. Hence a straightforward bondage scenario with no surrounding context is less likely to be acceptable than something with features a clearly signaled role play component.

BDSM Pain play
Acts which if copied by the uninitiated have the potential to cause injuries more than transient and trifling are extremely unlikely to be acceptable.

Only "moderate" pain play is acceptable. Thus reddening of the skin acceptable but no raised welts, blood and bruising are not.



Needle-Play
Needles are more likely to be considered acceptable as they only cause transient and trifling injury similar to legal tattooing.




Facesitting as Breathing Restriction
Facesitting employed as a breathing restriction or any other form of smothering is unacceptable. However, facesitting without breathing restriction is acceptable. There is no flexibility on this. The airways must remain open. Apparently the rationale for this distinction is that men trying this at home might die.


Ballbusting
Ballbusting may be acceptable, depending on the level. OFCOM recommend submitting clips in question for review. It will come down to definition of moderate pain and whether viewers at home are likely to sustain serious injury if they try it at home. Hence ball-yanking is not acceptable; whereas controlled ball stretching is acceptable.



Trampling
This will depend on the surface upon which the person is being trampled on.

Urethral Sounds
The insertion of urethral sounds is acceptable presuming that they are not inserted so far in as to enter the bladder; and that appropriate sterile and safety considerations are taken such as the use of lubricant and gloves.

Insertion of objects like buttplugs
The insertion of other objects is acceptable presuming that it is clear that they couldn't get. Hence the use of buttplugs is acceptable. Hence a clip of a mobile phone vanishing up an anus would not be acceptable, despite being a spoof, on the basis that people might try it at home.


Power Tools
The use of power tools is unacceptable, since most people have one lying around at home. However purpose designed “fucking-machines” are acceptable. The test in question is the 'association with violence'.

Head-Scissoring
Head-scissoring is acceptable, presuming that it is gentle. However, if it is seen to be pushing on the carotid restricting blood flow then it is not acceptable. Hence, choking sounds or reddening of face as a result are not acceptable. As soon as any pressure is exerted it would be considered a choke hold and therefore not acceptable.

Wrestling
Wrestling is acceptable only if knockout moves are not deployed. Facesitting and seemingly non gentle scissoring are not acceptable.

Gagging
Gagging on cock and deep throat are acceptable if not for the whole scene. However, language of the 'gag on my cock' variety is unacceptable due to the reference to choking.



COMMENTARY – THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS CENSORSHIP

Pornography is the canary in the coalmine of free speech: it is the first freedom to die. If this assault on liberty is allowed to go unchallenged, other freedoms will fall as a consequence.

This declaration of State censorship will affect millions of consenting adults who choose to view British pornography; impose an unnecessary trade barrier, which has already caused independent UK producers to shut down; result in a significant loss of revenue to The Treasury; is practically unworkable as it can be circumvented by proxy servers; and has implications for all forms of freedom of expression on the internet.

Of particular concern in terms of loss of freedom is the underlying intent to allow undesirable foreign websites to be blocked under UK ISP’s filtering systems. This has immeasurable implications on freedom of information and net neutrality.

Today, Backlash have launched a campaign to challenge this régime of State censorship disguised as regulation.


Myles Jackman, The Obscenity Lawyer - reprinted by kind permission of the author. x

Worth re-publishing at length for its sheer comedy value - the above is just a rough guide.

Please note this only applies to UK-made 'Video On Demand' (VoD) content - thus far... and if you've never seen British porn, well, you ain't missed much.

The whole thing is so silly, it can't stand.

Its affect will probably be slight, so I wouldn't get too hysterical about it - but as an example of our current state of anti-porn hysteria it speaks volumes.

For the status of other porn, please read Myles' article in full on his blog. He says he'll be posting soon on how these rulings will actually impact.

PS Other porn is available, and hotter.

Putin: Boo!

Can anyone find a sentence in this Sunday Times article that is true?

Russia? They hate the gays!

More than all the other countries and US states that hate the gays.

Hegemony in the service of empire?

Must bomb dem!!!

We are stuck in a hall of mirrors; one state tries to stoke up distractional anger about what another state's doing, the silly foreign fools. Meanwhile another state tries to... Repeat ad nauseum.

PS Here is an ASSOCIATED PRESS story, regurgitated everywhere without question, about Russian gay men seeking asylum in the holy land of the US. Don't think maths was this man's strong point. And let's believe everything they say. USA! USA! USA!!!

Telegraph.

Noam Chomsky: Vs Evan Davis



Evan Davis - you are now awarded the Fagburn 2014 Award for missing the point.

By a mile.

I give UP!

Ukip: Ticking All My Boxes

This guy! 

PS Could be this guy.

Sleaford Mods: The Best Thing I've Heard All Year

I just sat around the house wanking. x

Saturday 29 November 2014

Christopher Jefferies: Drama

The retired teacher vilified by the press after he was arrested on suspicion of murdering his tenant Joanna Yeates is the subject of a two-part drama

Christopher Jefferies couldn't bear to watch his arrest acted out for a new ITV drama, he's told Radio Times.

The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies has been written by Peter Morgan – the man behind critically acclaimed Frost/Nixon and The Queen – with W1A actor Jason Watkins (in character above) playing the retired schoolteacher. It dramatises the month after Jefferies was arrested on suspicion of killing landscape artist Joanna Yeates in December 2010, and the shocking way he was subsequently hounded and demonised by the tabloid press.

Jefferies was later released without charge and another of his tenants, Dutch engineer Vincent Tabak, was ultimately convicted of Yeates' murder.

During filming the director – Roger Michell, a former pupil of Jefferies – invited him on set to watch the arrest scene but the retired schoolteacher found he couldn't watch.

"It didn't seem to be to be necessarily the most sensitive thing to invite me to go and see," Jefferies has told Radio Times magazine. "There were 13 takes and because my arrest is done in the film exactly as it happened, I found it quite impossible to watch Jason in that scene."

Otherwise he says he was dispassionate watching Watkin's replay that traumatic episode in his life.

"Although I appear played by a character who looks remarkably like me, or who was made up to look remarkably like me, probably what comes across -– but obviously I am not the best person to judge – is that this is somebody who represents or caricatures certain aspects of me, exaggerated and separated, as it were, from the whole, in order to make the point Peter Morgan wanted to make.

"So, in a sense, I suppose the writer was using me and what happened to me to say something that he particularly wanted to say about British society."

Radio Times - full version in print magazine.

The Lost Honour of Christopher Jefferies, ITV Wednesday December 10th.
The Ordeal Of Christopher Jefferies, excellent piece on this shameful episode and a rare in-depth interview with CJ, FT Weekend 2011. 

Update: Peter Morgan and Christopher Jefferies in The Guardian.

Travel: John Waters Guide To Baltimore

Fans of Pink Flamingos who want to find some filming locations should visit the corner of West Read Street and Tyson Street. That’s where Divine ate dog shit. And the house where the Marbles lived is on Greenwood Avenue. It’s exactly the same – and I’ve gone back in since, which was weird. The woman that owned it ran a fancy wine shop and had never seen Pink Flamingos. I said, “Well you should see it!” She freaked out afterwards. She said: “Divine was licking my bannister!” Then she moved.

John Waters On Baltimore, Guardian Travel.

Don't mention The Wire! (Geddit??!!)

Dear Deidre: My Gay Porn Hell

Dear Deidre, The Sun. 

DEIDRE SAYS: Don't worry, pet, I'll send you one of me leaflets.

Brooke Shields: I'm Your Man

It was her mother’s idea, apparently, that she should date George Michael. He was one of a number of “more gentle” men that her mother trusted when it came to her daughter’s innocence. She lists John Travolta and Michael Jackson (with whom she was just good friends) as two others.

Sure enough, George Michael made no attempt to pressure the 18-year-old Shields into bed. “No one had ever been willing to move so slowly,” she writes.

Did her mother know he was gay?

“I don’t think so. If I were doing a one-woman show, that would be the humour of it,” she says. She would talk at length about how miraculously happy he was to spend the whole time shopping. “But can you imagine what it must have been like for him, not to be living truthfully?”

The alternative interpretation is that he was a pop star who needed to appear straight, and you were America’s sweetheart, whose virtue was guarded around the clock. And he thought: “Aha.”

“Of course. I was such a known virgin. It was perfect,” she says. “We were both at this crazy height of fame. It made sense.” ...

Brooke Shields in The Times Magazine.

Madame JoJo's: So Farewell Then...

The Guardian - one of countless articles mourning the decline of Madame JoJo's.

Dear newspaper editors, No-one is sad. It was a crappy tourist trap - The Mousetrap in drag.

David Hockney: Revolutionary



Of all the liberating pop icons of the swinging sixties there was only one who was so nonchalantly gay. John Lennon enjoyed cracking homophobic jokes, Monty Python included gay stereotypes among their silly voices, but Hockney in the early sixties was painting scenes of gay life with zero self-consciousness. There’s a story in the film about how he once had a stack of male nude magazines seized by customs. He refused to accept their judgment, protested and mocked and eventually hired a lawyer until his magazines were delivered to his door in a bag labelled “On Her Majesty’s Service”. When Lord Snowdon showed him round Kensington Palace he refused to sign the visitors’ book because “I don’t want my name in there come the revolution!”

Jonathan Jones profiles David Hockney in The Guardian

With Randall Wright's documentary, Hockney, now on release, Fagburn gets the distinct feeling this won't be the least we hear about David in the weekend newspapers.

'By 'eck, 'e's a bloomin' national treasure...' etc.

PS And here's a fun-packed BBC interactive timeline thing.

Thought For The Day: Sam Smith

‘Obviously I want to fall in love and stuff, but I don’t yearn for it every day like I used to. It sounds so cheesy but my fans have completely filled that hole.’

Sam Smith in The Telegraph.

So sweet, and so beautifully put...

Friday 28 November 2014

Popstarz: 1995-2014

So farewell then... x

Patrick Smugtwit Writes: On Black Friday

Imagine if they had a Gay Friday!

No?

Well, there is only one word for this HOMOPHOBIA!

[Thanks Patrick, same time next month?]

Finland: Off With Their Heads!

Ah, what better way to illustrate this heart-warming story for many a Tom and Tom of Finland, than with yet another photo of a happy gay couple with their heads chopped off?

Well played, The Independent, well played!

Pink News: Ukip News


Admittedly, there's rather a lot to write about Ukip and homophobia.

But Pink News do seem to write about Ukip rather a lot.

And whilst Fagburn likes to see the piss taken out of Ukippers, the 'Ukip thought Westminster Cathedral was a mosque' story has about as much relevance to a gay news site as one saying 'Ukip is made-up of four letters'.

Fagburn calls this 'gay media extremism'; maybe they concentrate on far-right political extremists, raving religious fundamentalists etc, to cover up how cosy and fandabedozee they are with the political mainstream.

Just a thought.

Zac Goldsmith: And On That Blond Bombshell

The Independent.

No! Not the handsome billionaire Goldsmith, obvs.

Zac was giving evidence to parliament yesterday about the 'notorious' Elm Guest House yesterday.

Except - thus far  - no-one has produced any evidence.

Update: Tom Watson interview: ‘At least one politician abused kids’ The scourge of the phone hacker now has a new crusade: to get to the bottom of the claims of a Westminster paedophile ring.

Note the fall in numbers...

'Watson knows his critics tend to regard him as a credulous conspiracy theorist, and concedes that the hacking scandal may have left him unduly susceptible to unthinkable allegations...'

Shakespeare: Exclusive!

Barking boffins have been arguing if Bill the bard was a bender, The Sun can exclusively reveal, even though most papers ran this story yesterday, and it's about a spat that's being going on in the letters pages of the TLS for weeks, and people have been debating this for 400 years.

William Shakespeare's hit plays include Hamlet and Othello - and can still be seen on Sky Arts today!

The row erupted after one boffin said one of Shakespeare's sonnets poems was written about a hunky young fella!

But some other boffins said it could be about a hot young babe.

So come on Will, how did you AS YOU LIKE IT?

With ROMEO OR JULIET?

TO BUM OR NOT TO BUM?!!

Sir Cliff Richard: Exclusive!

From The Sun's homepage.

Fagburn wonders how long it'll be before an eagle-eyed Sun hack realises that this could have been worded just a teensy bit better.

Tick tick tick...

Update: Still there 12 hours later.

Harry Styles: Don't Worry Ladies

MY theory that most of us are at least a little bit bisexual is proving to be true in the world of celebrity.

Even notorious lady lover HARRY STYLES, who I’ve seen pull women in a blink of an eye, seems to want to jump on board.

That’s why today marks the inaugural journey of Bizarre’s Bi Bus.

We’ll take it for a ride each time yet another star wants to tell us they’re not only interested in the opposite sex.

Already on board are JESSIE J, DUNCAN JAMES, MEGAN FOX, TOM HARDY, MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ, MEL B, LINDSAY LOHAN and CARA DELEVINGNE.

Now the ONE DIRECTION heart-throb is making yet another bid to get a ticket...

Harry knows exactly what he’s doing – but don’t worry ladies, he’s definitely just teasing.



Think there's a certain Viennese doctor who might have beaten you to that theory about bisexuality by a few years, Dan.

But then according to the latest issue of Private Eye, you're rather fond of taking credit for other people's work. 

Bye-bye (bi bi?).

PS Not holding out much hope for today's papers tbh. 

Thursday 27 November 2014

Malawi: Love In Exile

A fascinating essay from The Guardian's new The Long Read section.

Five years ago, Tiwonge Chimbalanga and her boyfriend, Steven Monjeza, were arrested after publicly announcing their engagement - they were later freed after an outcry.

Their story was much distorted; much of the gay media doggedly kept calling them a 'gay couple', even when it came out  that Tiwonge identified as a woman.

And some Westerners - as per - were rather keen to take the credit for their release, while ignoring the work done by campaigners in Malawi.

Well done gayist neo-colonialists!

Chimbalanga was granted asylum by South Africa, and now lives in Cape Town, but her status will be reviewed next year.

Tony Blair: Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children!

Steve Bell in The Guardian.
Well, this went down well, didn't it?

The Guardian list some of his other controversial awards.

Sadly, they forgot Fagburn's favourite one, though...

Update: Save The Children sacked me for being a lesbian, Sandi Toksvig.

Wednesday 26 November 2014

Danny Dyer: Nope

Daily Star.

Nor do I.

Mad Frankie Fraser: 1924-2014

Mirror online.
Well, old Frankie's obituaries could make for interesting reading...

Update: They didn't. *whistles*

Sir John Gielgud: All Mouth And No Trousers

[Peter] De Rome, who died earlier this year, made gay pornography in New York from the 1960s onwards, at a time when homosexuality was illegal, and became the subject of the recent documentary Peter de Rome: Grandfather of Gay Porn. The documentary’s producer David McGillivray revealed details of a collaboration between De Rome and Gielgud at a recent Barbican retrospective of pulp director Pete Walker.

“Peter de Rome knew everybody when he was working, including John Gielgud, and John was so impressed with Peter’s work – which of course was porn – that he wrote Peter a screenplay,” McGillivray said. “Nobody knows anything about this script, it’s not in the John Gielgud letters, it’s not mentioned in the biographies, it’s an unknown script. John Gielgud’s only screenplay. So next year, we are going to make that.

“It’s called Trouser Bar. John Gielgud was obsessed with trousers, loved corduroy and leather. And so he wrote a film set in a menswear shop.” ...


Guardian online.

Hope they can find the flipping script - you old dog, you! x

Tuesday 25 November 2014

Homophobia In Football: Case Closed

Well there you go - thanks for that.

Not sure how they'd know you're gay though.

Do you go round matches doing bumming?

PS Number of days since the Independent last published an article about homophobia and football: 5 (five) - which was published 11 (eleven) days after the one before that.

One trusts their readers share the Indy's fascination with this subject.

Update: The Indy's next article about homophobia and football - a feature on Robbie Rogers - appeared 3 (three) days later.

Back of the net!

Homosexuality: Is It In Our Genes Or Our Disembodied Hands?

Some classic gay hands in the Telegraph.

Couldn't be bothered to plough through this as it sounds like a load of evolutionary pscyhology twaddle.

The Mirror reduced it to one of their handy polls.


Hmm, decisions, decisions...

PS And look, here's another recent study that reaches a completely different conclusion...

Independent.
Who knows what new breakthrough these boffins will announce tomorrow?

Thought For The Day: Derren Brown

"The process of coming out is normally very disappointing. It’s not that people react badly to it - they really don’t care."

Metro.

PS Your thoughts on this story, Mr Brown?

PPS Or err this one?

Monday 24 November 2014

London: Possible New Night Mayor Threat

Evening Standard - exclusive!

Just when you think we've seen the last of this Tory goon, like T2 he appears.

Does anyone remember Ivan's appearance on Question Time?

He came across as even thicker than Adam Rickitt.

Update: During a Gaydio radio interview he goes on a bananas rant about all those disgusting gays and their drugs and their unsafe sex and those 'slamming' parties he read about somewhere.

Only Mayor Massow can save London from this tidal wave of gay filth!!!

PS Mail columnist Susan Vine attacks anti-poverty campaigner and food writer, Jack Monroe, for being a lesbian mum; 'No one forced her to have a child. Indeed, if she was in anyway uncertain of her sexual orientation, arguably she should have taken greater precautions...'

Sarah Vine is the wife of Michael Gove - Gove used to share a bachelor pad with Massow.

Can dots be drawn here?

Update: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


Ass Hunter: It's All Fun And Games Til...

Google removed a game that asked users to kill gay people to survive today, after a public outcry, but not before the game had been available for weeks and downloaded thousands of times.

Ass Hunter had been downloaded over 10,000 times and had received 200 five star reviews before it was pulled, and is still available across the internet.

In the game, players control a hunter with a shotgun who must kill naked men before they approach him. If they are able to reach him then the game shows a cartoon depiction of the men having sex with the hunter.

The game was first uploaded on November 5. “Popular game hunting on gays is now on android!” the description read. “Play and do not be gay!”

That description remains cached on Google, though the page has now been taken down. Cached versions of the original site continue to be held by Google.

In the description of the app, its uploaders AppDay described Ass Hunter as a “Legendary game, where you are hunter and your mission is to kill gays as much as you can”.

“Remember! When they catch you they will do with you whatever they want,” the game’s Google Play Store entry read, followed by a winking face...



Some people are no fun!

Now I'm no expert on these 'video games' - not being a spotty 15 year-old boy - but don't rather a lot of them involve mindless killing?

PS Play it here.

It's Christmas Time: There's No Need To Feel Afraid...


Only available online - hurry while stocks last!

Gor blimey, makes you glad to be British, dunnit? etc etc.

NB 'If you question the Savile moral crusade, you're seen as evil', Frank Furedi, Spiked.

Sunday 23 November 2014

Fagburn: Meh

So I got punched on the nose
When I was just trying to go home
Just after I got off the escalator at King's Cross.

So he hit me
Unprovoked,
fork knows what his problem was.

About to lose my faith in humanity.
Then as I was stunned reeling
on the floor.
Six people came
to check I was okay
rubbing my shoulders
Holding me.

These wonderful passersby
didn't.

Gave me napkins to stop my nosebleeds
Some pain-killers
Some yogurt drink
'You'll need some sugar...'
Gosh.

'Are you okay?'

I guess, yes.
But a bit concussed.

Cause the great people in the world outnumber the bad
Seven to one.

* For Jo Holloway. The angel saint at Kings' Cross Station. x

The Royal Family: New Official Portrait

My mum, me, my lovely Tom, and some old queen or other, at Grayson Perry's Who Are You?

Couldn't be happier. x

Saturday 22 November 2014

Telegraph View: Against Modernity

But modernisers have two great faults. The first is to assume that what is modern is inevitable. Soviet Communism was modern once, and part of its power lay in its claim that it was inevitable. It wasn’t, and now it is dead.

The second is to equate modernity with virtue and so to treat its critics as moral inferiors. In Britain, the saga of same-sex marriage is a classic case. Parts of the Western world are heading in that direction: “therefore” it must be welcomed: “therefore” its opponents are bigots: “therefore” they should be virtually disqualified from public office.

All those “therefores” are wrong. A moderate conservative approach would try to balance the age-old, universal view that marriage is between a man and a woman with tolerance of homosexual relationships. This balance was achieved by civil partnerships, but violated by the way that Mr Cameron casually imposed gay marriage. His approach insulted settled beliefs, and therefore wounded him politically more than people like to state directly. In times of wrenching economic change, social conservatism (not to be confused with social authoritarianism) helps reassure people. Instead, we have had doctrinaire, finger-wagging modernism from a party that calls itself Conservative. And, broadly speaking, the better off and better educated have been lecturing the less fortunate. Again, a reason to edge towards Ukip...


Charles Moore explains the rise of Ukip and where David cameron went wrong in his Daily Telegraph column.

It's been quite some time since Mr Moore has regurgitated his nutso theory that Cameron's support for same-sex marriage has led directly to Ukip's rise, good to see it's lost none of its top comedy value.

PS Guy Black, Executive Director at the Telegraph  Group, entered a civil partnership with Mark Bolland in 2006. If they upgrade to a marriage, one wonders how or if the Telegraph will report it.

Friday 21 November 2014

Radio: The Death Of Quentin Crisp

The flamboyant and eccentric gay writer and raconteur died on 21 November, 1999. He was on a visit to England from his home in New York - a city that he loved. Hear from his biographer Tim Fountain, about the man who became a celebrity after his memoir The Naked Civil Servant became a bestseller.


A colleague was so excited to be interviewing Mr Crisp on his visit to England, then came the phone call....

Pretty good excuse for getting out of an unwanted interview, though.

Advertising: Today

Alright, John Lewis, you got me. Like many other millions of people I was been enchanted by Monty The Penguin in your latest Christmas campaign. Yes, I cried. But after composing myself, something dawned on me. I turned to my boyfriend, and said: “Out of all the couples depicted, not one of them was same-sex.”  ...

'What do we want? A gay penguin couple in a John Lewis ad! When do we want it? Next christmas!'

So breath-taking in its banality it could only be... The Independent!

And next week on Independent Voices: Why oh why don't the WWI soldiers in Sainsburys Xmas ad go gay? #homophobia

Fagburn: Is Away

And in love.  x

The Independent: Ask A Silly Question

Yes, obviously.

Anything else I can help you with?

Thursday 20 November 2014

The Duchess Of Alba: 1926-2014

Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, 18th Duchess of Alba de Tormes, Grandee of Spain etc, has left us, aged just 88.

Fagburn is - of course - beside himself with grief.

Our loss is heaven's gain.

Thank you for being a friend.

Farewell, my fair lady. x