Cameron: Backlash

If you're interested in how this "Cameron and his out-of-touch liberal metropolitan modernising elite" argument has been panning out over the last week, and how it's being linked by the right-wing papers to the anti-gay marriage debate see here...

(This is just an early front page scan - no idea if the poll actually asks directly about The Gays yet...)

PS Nope, they don't. See you in the morning. 

Thoughts For The Day: Armistead Maupin

"I came out of the closet while writing the [Tales Of The City] series. And what a revelation to realise that the thing that I had feared the most had become the source of my greatest inspiration and the cause of my success. My mother said to me, 'I don't mind you being honest, darling, I just don't want it to hurt your career.' I said, 'You don't understand, this is my career.' I knew very early in the game that my responsibility was to be publicly, openly, happily gay. That wasn't hard to do. I don't suffer closeted folks gladly. I let them know, especially if they're famous, that I think they have a responsibility. Years ago my friend Ian McKellen asked me how I felt about it and he told me that the evening he spent talking to me was what pushed him over the edge. I'm really proud of that...
"I have been conscious of being part of a cultural revolution for the past 35 years. There's no question that it's easier in some ways because gay folks aren't invisible any more. When I was young, many of us thought we were the only gay in the village. Now, because of that visibility, there's a much more concerted campaign against gay people, especially from the fundamentalist segments of America, and that means the pressure is much worse. Still, the polls now indicate that most Americans support the right for people to marry the person that they love. The battle hasn't been won yet, but we're close."

Armistead Maupin, Daily Telegraph.
Amused me to see the intro refer to his husband.

Priest Accidently Shows Gay Porn In Primary School: Oh Father!

'Parents of children at St Mary’s School in Pomeroy, Co Tyrone, were shocked to see gay pornographic scenes on a screen in place of a Holy Communion presentation.
F'ather Martin McVeigh was about to host an advisory Powerpoint presentation for parents on the subject of their children’s imminent Holy Communion event last week but instead displayed shocking gay porn scenes.
It is believed among the 26 parents present, there was also an eight-year-old child at the meeting which came to a halt after the shocking images were shown...
'Fr McVeigh said he was co-operating with police and that he had no knowledge of the offending material. Speaking to the Ulster Herald, Fr McVeigh said: “I don’t know how it happened but I know what happened. There are people making innuendoes who weren’t even there but in this day and age these stories grow.'"

Belfast Telegraph.
Oops!
I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation for why there was gay porn on his memory stick.
These things are sent to try us, father, etc etc. 
I wonder what he thinks about gay marriage?

PS A story in the Metro about another Carry On clergyman comedy cock-up - a Sheffield vicar apparently having to go to hospital claiming he'd got a potato stuck up his bumbum after falling off his kitchen table putting up some curtains in the nude (as you do etc etc) - has gone viral in the last few days.
This "story" first appeared in The Sun in October 2008.

Cruising: Frigging In The Rigging

This has to be one of Fagburn's favourite stories.
EVER!
Earlier this month two Americans, John Hart and Dennis Mayer, were arrested on an Atlantis cruise ship in Dominica and charged with "buggery".
Queerty reported a week ago;

John Hart and Dennis Mayer were on board, er, playing horizontal shuffleboard when they were spied by someone on land who fetched a constable. The police boarded the ship and arrested Hart and Meyer for indecent exposure and “buggery,” which is technically illegal on the island.
The two men, who are both from California, are scheduled to appear before a magistrate this morning and face a $370 fine and up to six months in jail...

The gay couple - who were on a gay cruise - cried homophobia.
"They paraded us around like we were some oddity," said Mayer. "They were going to transfer us to a medical facility and have us medically examined to determine if we had engaged in sexual activity,"
Hart told the Los Angeles Times; “It was frightening to us, and we didn’t know how to respond to that, because we don’t come from a world or a country that prosecutes people for being gay."
Rich Campbell from Atlantis commented; “They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sodomy laws do exist. But that’s not what they were called into question for. That has nothing to do with this."
What an outrage!
National Gay News, among others, called for a boycott.

This is because the land of Dominica is socially retarded, a lot like the emerging African community of Kenya, recently stirred to insane and bizarre ideological frenzies over homosexuality. They hate their gays in Dominica. Beat ‘em, but don’t be ‘em.
Why the hell is a cruise ship company catering to the LGBT community running cruises to islands that openly and brazenly discriminate against gay populations? What kind of morons are we giving our money to? What kind of morons must we be to give them our money?

FIGHT THE POWER!!!
We're here! We're queer! We're not going to Dominica!

Today however, Queerty published the photo below, sent to them by another passenger, that shows the two men fucking on their room's balcony, and were clearly visible from the dockside. 

Oops!
Boys, don't cry homophobia when you were being dirty dogs
They'd have arrested you just the same in the US, ya fools.

Gareth Williams: Without A Clue

Gareth Williams' pre-inquest hearing was finally held today - his body was found in a hold-all in August 2010.
Lawyer Anthony O'Toole told the coroner court; "The impression of the family is that the unknown third party was a member of some agency specialising in the dark arts of the secret services - or evidence has been removed post-mortem by experts in the dark arts."
But the court also heard no DNA or fingerprints were found at the flat, there was no sign of forced entry, and no poison was in his body.
Using Occam's Razor doesn't it sound like there was nobody else involved in Gareth William's death?
If someone wanted to murder him why do it by putting him in a bag - and why naked?
I suppose it's possible he could have been bumped up off by spooks from SMERSH - though we don't know what work he was doing for MI6.
Who knows, maybe Prince Phillip was behind it?
It does seem most likely - seeing as the police literally don't appear to have a clue about any other possible reason - that Williams died during a sex game gone wrong, and his family can't contemplate this?*

* His family have been quoted in the Standard as saying that rumours he was gay were a "Smear campaign... 'Maybe it's the Government or somebody trying to discredit him.'

PS Just read the Mail's hilarious account; "New evidence emerges sparking fresh questions from the victim's family..."
"At a public hearing yesterday, it emerged that the flat may have been swept clean of evidence, with no fingerprints or DNA anywhere."
So the "new evidence" is there there was no evidence?
Genius!

Update: Another "Eureka!" piece in The Mail On Sunday; 'The woman with THREE identities who could hold key to death of the body-in-the-bag spy'
This is a former flatmate of Williams according to the ever-present "source"...

The Sun: Headline Of The Week

'Male Dolphins Are Bisexual, Say Boffins.'

The Sun.
They used a different photo, if you were wondering.

David Cameron: Meh

"The country deserves better. Together with political gestures such as gay marriage and House of Lords reform, the fuel panic has been an unwelcome distraction from the overwhelming priority of getting Britain growing again"

The Telegraph, leader.
Let's see if we can spot how many times in the near future the right-wing media will say support for gay marriage shows that Cameron's "out of touch".
He is, of course.
Spectacularly.
Though not on gay marriage.
Although the general consensus seems to be "meh".
Unlike most other papers The Sun has pretty much ignored gay marriage as an issue in the last month - and has only recently picked up the bait.
Why it's almost as if Murdoch has told them to turn on him.
Fagburn did think there was much insincerity in Cameron saying this was a real policy aim, but then it reached a critical mass in the media.
Although, interestingly. his own comments about gay marriage during the last month's feeding frenzy have been... zero. 
It's something I don't really give two hoots about - beyond it bringing homophobic bigots out of the closet - now I wonder if it will just die on the vine.

Update: From Friday's Times; "And there lies a wider problem for Mr Cameron — the feeling among some MPs that they are being ruled by a clique of Dave’s mates who, for instance, fail to understand the Tory faithful’s objections to gay marriage. “It’s a very small coterie.”
Mr Cameron is “gratuitously pissing people off”, said one Tory, referring to the party rank and file..."

Update 2: The Cameron's "liberal elite modernisers are out of touch with ordinary people" line came up in much comment on why George Galloway and Respect won the Bradford by-election.
"Once you start thinking this way, you tend to cast a baleful eye on measures which, when first broached, seemed quite fresh. Gay marriage, rather than looking modern, begins to seem a typically privileged preoccupation of pampered public schoolboys (who, according to popular mythology, are all gay anyway). Wind farms look like ways of making poor people pay higher energy bills. The endless increase in overseas aid looks like an insult to every basic-rate taxpayer." Charles Moore, Telegraph.
He doesn't seem too perplexed by the budget's tax cut for the rich. 

Update 3: "At the grassroots, Tory membership is in steep decline, and those remaining activists are angry at the direction of policy. I have been told of several wealthy local associations that refuse to send their quota of money to Central Office, because they fear how it might be spent — for example, ‘campaigning for gay marriage’, as one long-term activist told me...
"The truth is that the obsessions of a ruling metropolitan elite are of little interest in most parts of the country, where people believe that the Tories have failed to win a general election since 1992 because the party’s leadership has turned its back on its core values..." Simon Heffer, The Daily Mail.
Looks like the worms have really turned on David Cameron this time...

Tesco: Vengeful God Visits Biblical Plague Of Mice On Godless Stores

"It doesn’t get any better for Tesco, who have seen their ‘big price drop’ flop, sales and profits drop, the worst perfomance of the ‘big four’ over Christmas, their share price plummet, their UK operations CEO sacked, their local management in a spin, all since announcing a £30,000 gift to London Gay Pride in November 2011.  
"And only days ago we reported on a Tesco manageress in Gravesend calling the police because one of our members was giving out our ‘Boycott Tesco’ leaflets outside her store.
"Now it’s an infestation of mice in Tesco’s flagship Tesco Metro in Bedford Street in London’s Covent Garden. The store has been closed by Westminster Environmetal Health Department..."

Stephen Green, Christian Voice. 
Christ, he just gets madder and madder...

Aldi: Buns

Part of a series of ads showing how wonderfully diverse Britain is and all that (the others come up on the YouTube siderbar).
Though it's worth noting if it's about diversity, how "normal" they've made the gay couple.
Still at least it's a "gay ad" that's not about a lad coming out, straight mens' gay panic, or a girl finding out a man she fancies is gay.
Not sure if this is just an internet campaign, it's not getting many hits if it is.

Arts News: God Hates Facts

From a blog about LA street art, Melrose and Fairfax.

London Mayoral Election: You've Got To Do Gay Hustings If You Want To Get Along

"Stonewall is to host the London Gay Mayoral Hustings on 14 April, allowing the capital’s lesbian, gay and bisexual voters to ask candidates from the four main parties in London about their policies before the mayoral election on 3 May. The Hustings will be held at BFI Southbank from 11.00am to 12.30, and will be attended by Boris Johnson, Jenny Jones, Ken Livingstone and Brian Paddick..."

Stonewall blurb.
Why not pop along if you've got nothing better on that Saturday?
And, if you live in that London, don't forget to vote for Ken.

Update: Independent On Sunday go on the campaign trial with Brian Paddick. They don't seem too enthusiastic about him or his chances. The Lib Dems famously lost their deposit in Bradford on Thursday...

Jobriath: Non Star

Marc Almond writes in The Guardian about Jobriath; "The first gay pop star".
Though, as Marc writes, Jo's "career" was such an epic failure, calling him a "star" may be pushing it a bit.
I love Jobriath - though the records are hilariously bad, that's why no-one bought them - and his singing voice was so painful I doubt even his own mother could maintain the pretence of loving it.
I'm not convinced his sexuality came into it.
A compilation put out by fanboy Morrissey a few years ago is reputed to have sold 40 copies.
I also love Marc, but his claim; "Everyone hated Jobriath – even, and especially, gay people. He was embarrassingly effeminate in an era of leather and handlebar moustaches" is just silly.
Jobriath appeared a few years before the clone look took hold - which was never something embraced by most gay men - and when it appeared Jo embraced it.
Someone is writing a biography of Jobriath - almost finished it then lost it all in a computer crash.
Argh.
There's a documentary - Jobriath AD - at the London Lesbian And Gay Film Festival tomorrow.
All sold out, but that may have less to do with interest in Jobriath, and more to do with the LL&GFF being one big pick-up joint for posh arty gaylords.

Update: The Guardian repeated the fiction that "the gay community despised the "sissy" look" in an online review of the film. Doubtless this will be appearing as "fact" on Wikipedia soon.

Psychic TV: Godstar

I see myself as a child of the Enlightenment, rational and that, but Genesis and PTV and TOPY have magick powers you may never understand.
Oh, the stories I could tell...
Please save me.

Ziggy Stardust: Still

The plaque to Ziggy Stardust on London's Heddon Street is being unveiled today.
Staring at this record sleeve as a kid always gave me a thrilling sense of otherness, like there was another world out there, maybe waiting just around the corner.
A sea of im/possibilities.
Still does.
Never a big fan of the heritage rock industry, me, but something about this still moves me. 
Still.

Update: The unveiling leads to John Walsh remember being a teenage Ziggy fan in The Independent.
Gets kudos for not mentioning his first sighting of Ziggy on Old Grey Whistle Test/Top Of The Pops and wibbling on about how life was instantly transformed...

Kris Birch: Totally Different Me

Remember, Kris?
He was in the papers last year claiming that after having a stroke he went from being a "typical, ­laddish, beer-swilling, sport-mad 20-something smitten with his fiancee", and became a complete gaylord hairdresser.
Well if you say so, whom am I to question?
Though he appears to have only recently started spelling Chris with a K, which suggests he may really be a recent convert to queenery.
Anyway, now he's done something for BBC3.
Enjoy!

The Gay Media: Mission Impossible

Good evening gentlemen of the gay media,

Your mission - should you choose to accept it - is to reprint any old crap you Googled and saw on The Sun and the Daily Mail's website without even bothering to question or check its veracity.
Remember - reprinting lies is your main mission.
Press releases are also a great source of entertaining fictions. 
Right-wing hegemony and institutional stupidity must be defended at all times.
It's what keeps the world going round.
Avoid trying to search out the truth - this is not a journalist's job.
And let it never cross your mind; "Why is this lying bastard lying to me?"

Cause if you read it in a paper or heard a politician say it, it's gotta be true - right?

Don't worry no-one will question you, either, they'll just say; "But I read it on a gay website."
Your job is to be a servant of power.
Thank you for helping to keep the world fucked off its axis.

This blog will self-destruct in five seconds.

Cunts For Marriage: Commercial Break

Do you really want all these gorgeous happily-married couples to die in a terrible fire, screaming in pain as they think about all their unfulfilled dreams which you - yes YOU - have personally ruined?
Cause that's what'll happen if they let THE GAYS marry.
Don't say I didn't warn you!!!
 
• With thanks to Political Animal for the tip-off. x

PS This banner ad has appeared on websites and blogs today.
The claim they make that "70% of people say keep marriage as it is" is a lie, and not backed up by any reliable recent survey.
Here's why the poll they refer to is junk.
Please send complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority.

The Sugar Dandies: Coupling

Many homosexualists were thrilled to see this gay-married couple ballroom dancing on Britain Gets Talent over the weekend.
And their lovey-dovey chat before their turn is rather sweet, I'll grant you.
Must have made some viewers choke on their spaghetti hoops.
Still it's slightly unnerving to hear the audience sniggers under the rapturous applause and cheering.
And, as ever, it's ridiculous, that prime time TV like this featuring real-life gay people is still so rare it warrants documenting.
Hurry up, the future, we're waiting.

Breaking: Many People Working In The Theatre Are Gay Shock!

'I was caught napping yesterday when the announcement came about the RSC’s appointment of a new artistic director — literally. I’d been up since 5.30am (my usual waking time, as it happens) and had already met three deadlines by 9am, so I did something I very rarely allow myself to do: I went back to bed [Yeah, whatever - Get on with it, love].
'By the time I woke up again around 11.22am, saw the press release and tweeted it (hence the precision with which I know what time I woke up!), the RSC was already trending on Twitter: that says something about the viral strength of Twitter as a medium for spreading news. [Gregory] Doran, of course, was the main rival to Michael Boyd getting the job last time around; and it is greatly to the credit both of Boyd in appointing him Chief Associate Director instead, and to Doran himself in staying on undaunted by the disappointment, that his turn has come now.

'His loyalty and determination have obviously finally paid off, and the top job is now his; he’s both a safe pair of hands and has truly earned it. And it coincidentally means that both of our major national theatre companies are now run by out gay men; at the National, the two Nicks (Hytner and executive director Starr) and now Doran, who is famously partnered to RSC/National leading actor Antony Sher, are amongst a wave of gay men in charge of some of the most successful venues in the country. (Doran and Sher were one of the first couples to get civil partnered back in 2005 when the legislation allowing it first became law).
'Elsewhere, of course, there was Michael Grandage, until recently at the helm of the Donmar (whose partner is Christopher Oram, who designs many of his productions); and there is also Dominic Cooke at the Royal Court; Daniel Evans at Sheffield’s Crucible; Kerry Michael at Stratford East and Timothy Sheader at the Open Air Theatre, Regent’s Park, to name a few.
'Of course, their sexuality is secondary to their talent, and should be as unremarkable a fact of their lives as their hair colour (or even skin colour, though as I recently wrote here, that’s sometimes a remarkable fact, too, in an industry still dominated by white artistic directors). Even so, not all artistic directors are living as openly, and it’s sad that this list cannot be comprehensive.'

The Stage. 
And on that bombshell...

One Direction: Cockwatch

It's always pleasing when I see there's been a surge in traffic to Fagburn and realise it's not from people drawn to my brilliant cutting-edge political analysis, but who were just looking for mucky photos of One Direction, Jedward or Tom Daley.
Makes it all worthwhile.
So here's Zayn from One Direction checking out Louis's packet.
I would say Louis "will never marry", but I've heard they might be making that legal soon.
They're number one in the US, you know, which means this is "technically" news.
Enjoy!

Update: Mirror headline Thursday; '1D’s Louis goes out with his girlfriend, which should prove that he’s not gay and secretly going out with Harry'

Gay Marriage: Those Top 10 Journalistic Cliches In Full

1. None of my gay friends want this (Cause I don't have any).
2. Ye olde religion/tradition/children holy trinity - much loved by Robert Mugabe etc.
3. Marriage is rubbish/dying, but if the gays want to...
4. So now saying you oppose gay marriage will be a hate crime.
5. Ye very olde "If you don't like gay marriage, don't have one" increasingly unfunny gag.
6. What next incest/polygamy/animals? (Best avoid this if you're a Christian, seeing as the Bible supports incest and polygamy, as well as genocide, slavery and child rape and loads of other fun stuff. Verily, it's a moral compass which will never date).
7. Another victory for the metropolitan liberal elite.
8. It'll be Cameron's Clause 4/Poll tax/Fox hunting ban.
9. Well, hasn't [insert name of "troubled" straight celebrity] done enough to demean marriage?
10. In 20 years, people will be amazed we were even debating this.
11. Basically, I just hate poofs.
12. That's eleven.

To add to the sheer stunning unoriginality, please illustrate any article with a photo of some groom and groom cake toppers.

Jocky Wilson: 1950-2012

Jocky Wilson, who has died aged 62, was arguably Britain's best-known openly gay sportsman.
Wilson won many titles in his career including the British Professional Championship a record four times between 1981 and 1988, as well as the prestigious British Open and Matchplay titles.
He came out in an interview with Gay Times magazine in 1984, the first top darts player to do so.
Jocky - known as "Judy" to his friends - became a vocal champion of gay rights, and in 1989 founded the campaigning group, Stonewall.
He regularly hosted Mr Gay UK in his adopted home town of Leeds, and in 1986 recorded a cover of 'I Am What I Am' - now regarded as a "camp classic".
A wonderful dancer - as viewers to Strictly Come Dancing can attest - Wilson was also one of the nation's best loved pantomime dames.
Mickey Rourke is said to be working on a biopic of his life.
He is survived by his eight toy poodles - all amusingly named after his favourite Dolly Parton songs - and by his civil partner, the TV critic Garry Bushell. 

 

Danny Miller: Emmerdale Farce

"I won't miss kissing blokes. I haven't got a problem with it but I don't think I'll be reminiscing!"

Danny Miller of Emmerdale's "tortured gay teen" fame.
Mind you, this was in The Sun so he probably didn't say it. 
As you were.

Gareth Thomas: A Bang On The Head

"I was talking to Mickey yesterday and basically we're now talking to other big-name actors who could play the part instead.
"We had talked about using computer-generated special effects with Mickey but we don't think that will be as realistic, so it's time to find someone new."

Gareth Thomas quoted in The Sun (HRNK! Warning!!! May not be true alert! etc) on how Mickey Rourke has apparently pulled out of playing "the gay Welsh rugby star" in a biopic.
A film project that Fagburn has always suspected only exists in Mickey Rourke and Gareth Thomas's ever so slightly delusional heads.
Anyone heard what studio has signed it?
One is reminded of Peter Cook's retort to someone who told him they were writing a novel; "That's funny, neither am I."

Update: So it looks like this was made up. Gosh whodathunk it?

Philip Larkin: Wants

Beyond all this, the wish to be alone
However the sky grows dark with invitation cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flagstaff
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.
Beneath it all, desire of oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites
The costly aversion of the eyes from death
Beneath it all, desire of oblivion runs.

Pink Project: The Kids Are Alright

This is a few weeks old - but anyway...
1,500 kids from eleven schools in north America stand up for their gay classmates.
Managed to make even an old cynic like me get over my deep loathing of both Lady Gaga and flashmobs. 
Oh dear, I think I've got something in my eye...
I still hate pukey YouTube videos of gay wedding dances, mind.

Dahrun Ravi: Let Him Go

Hurrah for racist scapegoating about a load of crap that Ravi never did.
He never recorded it, he never broadcasted it.
But what do facts matter when vengeance calls?
There's as much evidence of Tyler Clemanti's racism as there is of Ravi's homophobia.
So they're both stupid fratboy jerks - is that a crime now?
But what the hey - let's make ourselves feel better by ruining another young man's life - yay!

Thought For The Day: Boy George

"A bunch of us were with Boy George in New York State recently.
"My friend said to Boy George: ‘You should really support this congressman we have here because he’s anti-death penalty and pro-gay marriage.’
"Boy George replied: ‘Aren’t they the same thing?’ ”

Rufus Wainwright in The Times.
Tee hee. 
Poor Rufus - the only interesting thing he says in an interview is someone else's gag.

The Daily Telegraph: Back On Topic

'More than 300,000 people have joined a campaign against David Cameron’s plan to legalise same-sex marriage. 'Organisers claimed that their petition had become the biggest public campaign since the 2010 election.

It highlights the support for the traditional definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman, they said.

'Earlier this month, the Government proposed redefining civil marriage laws so that the term can apply to civil unions between same-sex couples. There will be no change to religious marriage.

'Senior Conservatives, including ministers, have joined Christian leaders in opposing the proposals.

'The leader of Britain’s Sikh organisations said the proposal was an “assault on religion” while the country’s largest Muslim grouping has also voiced its opposition...'

The Daily Telegraph.
Who cares?
That's half a per cent of the UK population - even if you're telling the truth, which is doubtful.
And 2% of British people vote BNP.
Should that determine policy?
The people who take part in these pointless online petitions are usually totally nuts far right cunts who want to bring back hanging for Muslim immigrants from the EU cause they're stopping them hunting gay foxes by coming over here and eating our swans.
Or something.
Fuck 'em. 

PS Interesting to compare and contrast all this with an online poll conducted by the Telegraph themselves. 

Yes, that's 78% for gay marriage.

The Guardian: Unbelievable

'So. I've just created my first ever scene. Well, not "just". It was six days ago, but I'm still shaking.
Buggerlugs and I were at playgroup. We've been several times, on a slightly-out-of-borough adventure. It's run by a church rather than a council, but apart from the fact there's a quick prayer at the end for the health of the babies, to which you would have to be a much more militant atheist than me to object, you can't tell.
'Until this week when, after a quick trot through the lost property and happy birthdays, came the words, "And there's also this petition to sign, against gay marriage" from the playgroup leader. And she pointed to the blue plastic clipboard she was holding...'

Lovely - yet terrible - piece by Lucy Mangan in The Guardian. 

Daily Mirror: Reade Brian And Weep

'I’m in favour of gay marriages on the grounds that those who seek to spoil the happiness of people who are harming no one are bigots who deserve to be beaten.'

Great - I'm with you so far.

'And how the Catholic church dares to moralise about the ­inappropriateness of ­homosexuality after protecting priests who raped young boys is beyond credibility.'

Bit cliched, but back of the net.

'But I mainly want them to happen after learning that if a lord or knight marries, their partner will be given the title “honourable”.'

Where's this going exactly?

'Imagine the outrage if a peer decided to come out and marry a young male prostitute, forcing us to refer to his former rent boy as “the honourable”?'

Umm, no, you've lost me...

'Outrage which would be totally unjustified as virtually every businessman who enters the Lords has prostituted themselves to a political party to gain the title.'

Crap gags make the world go round!
Well done.

The Daily Mirror's columnist Brian Reade.
Stick to the footyball, love.

The Sun: Numbskulls

The Sun have started a 'Crack The Numbskulls' campaign today.
So far it seems to involve anti-gay "pesky meddling council blooming 'elf and safety support our paid killers" nonsense.
Well done The Sun!

Daily Telegraph: Drop Dead

'Liberals of various descriptions make so much noise in British public life that it’s easy to overlook the fact that liberalism has run into deep trouble on the world stage. For an illustration, consider a joint interview given this week by Tony Blair and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, president of Liberia and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

'Mrs Sirleaf is asked about the fact that homosexuality is illegal in her country. She replies: “We like ourselves just the way we are.” Pressed on the point, she confirms that she will not sign any legislation decriminalising “sodomy”.

'Mr Blair is a champion of gay rights, so you’d expect him to take issue with this statement. Not a bit of it. “The President’s given her position, and this is not one for me,” he says.

'Here’s another interesting vignette, again involving a Labour politician, but this time on his home turf. 'This week Ken Livingstone was accused by Jewish Labour supporters of telling them at a private meeting that since Jews tended to be rich he wasn’t expecting them to vote for him. In a letter published in the Jewish Chronicle, they also accused Livingstone of using the word “Jewish” in a pejorative manner. And this just weeks after he described the Tories as “riddled with homosexuality”.

'The Ken of the 1980s was painful to listen to, but I don’t remember him dog-whistling like that. In those days he was an ultra-liberal politician, the whining incarnation of rainbow ideology. What has happened'

 

Damian Thompson, The Daily Telegraph.

It's hard to know where to start with this crapola.

So you're criticising Ken Livingstone's non-existent homophobia while defending Sirleaf's actual homophobia?

Brilliant!

Shakespeare: Mad MP Warns Of 'Romeo & Julio' Threat To The Kiddies

“If we are to re-construct official and business documentation and to replace “Husband and Wife” with “spouses” and “partners” where will this stop? Will Shakespeare and Milton and The Holy Bible be re-written also? Will only “correctly” expurgated literature be allowed to be used in the classroom?”

Sir Roger Gale MP writing in a letter to Thanet Extra.
Erm, no.
No, none of this will happen, but thanks for asking.

Sport Relief: Tom Daley

I have just relieved myself in the name of sport.
Please give generously.

Alan Turing: I Loves You, Porgy

Alan Turing's teddy bear, Porgy, pictured recently.

The Daily Mail: Making Your Mind Up

'They have his good looks! Ricky Martin shows off his gorgeous twin sons in touching family cover shoot for Vanity Fair'
The Daily Mail - they love the gays.
They hate the gays.
They love the gays.
They hate the gays...
Repeat to fade.

Bob Dylan: Idiot Wind

You're an idiot, babe
It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.

Eric Watson: 1955-2012

Photographer.

David Walliams: Bum

David tweeted this photo, and captioned it; "Me and my boyfriend."
Which led to this story in The Sun; "David Walliams: Fans always ask me if Simon likes men or laydees - BGT judge gives bum steer on Simon Cowell's sexuality."
Bum! Geddit?
David later tweeted; "Today's completely made up BGT story comes from The Sun."
But sadly about a different story.

Kevin Smith: Stay Out Of My Brother's Bedroom, Buddy

Warning: May contain Piers Morgan.

Madonna: To The Finland Station

I'm a freedom fighter.
My show
My songs
My work
... My art
Is all about freedom of expression
Freedom to choose to speak to act
Always with humanity and compassion
I will come to St. Petersburg to speak up for the gay community, to support the gay community and to give strength and inspiration to anyone who is or feels opressed.
I don't run away from adversity.
I will speak during my show about this ridiculous atrocity.

Her Madge on Facebook.
Hope she does...

Private Eye: A Special Relationship

Private Eye.

The Queen: Unspeak

'Get on with it, you Bercow! Cameron looks ratty as Speaker hijacks the Queen's Jubilee address to waffle on about gay rights'

Serial liar about gay stuff, The Daily Mail.
Err, John Bercow did not actually mention the gays.
Beyond talking about people "regardless of how they live, how they look or how they love"
Hardly a rant,
Watch it here.

PS Wonderful self-serving press release from the bonkers Lance Price at the Kaleidoscope Trust here.
Where the Mail got their non-story from. Cheers, SG.

Update: I despair of the fucking Guardian. 

Brian Paddick: Hmm...

"I don't see my husband very often because he lives in Oslo. He arrived about midnight last night and I had to throw him out on the streets because you were coming around.
"Last time, he took two months off to be with me during the campaign. This time, I said to him, 'Look, I'd rather we spent time together when the pressure of the campaign is not on. So today was difficult because I saw him for breakfast and I haven't seen him since and it's now more than 12 hours later."

Brian Paddick, The Independent.
The People claimed Brian and Petter had split up last year...

Pete Waterman: Aitkenwatermanstock

"It's going to be predominantly women aged 30 to 50 and gay men. That's what we do and I love it."

Pete Waterman on the Hit Factory Live in Hyde Park in The Sun.
Pete Burns and Sinitta have cleared their diaries!
Kylie unconfirmed.

NHS: 1948-2012

Government of the millionaires, by the millionaires, for the millionaires.
Cunts.

Fagburn: Just So You Know

Hello.
I am off for the day.
So make your own amusement.
Goodbye.

Dame Edna Everage: Farewell Possums?

A fine tribute by Mark Lawson in The Guardian to Dame Edna Everage, who has announced her farewell tour - though Mark suspects it may not be.
In a sidebar, Leo Benedictus suggests her most transcendental musical moment may have been the 1979 single, Disco Matilda.
I have absolutely no recollection of this record, and was surprised to find that, although it didn't chart, it got the dame on Top Of The Pops.
Genius - but then would you expect anything else? 
Enjoy!

Karl Lagerfeld: No 2 i-D

Saw this in a newsagents' window.
I shan't sleep tonight.
Mummy!

Tony Blair: Gay Rights Can Fuck Off - I'm On Business

Unbelievable.

Norman Tebbit: Tales From The Crypt

'I doubt if Mr Cameron's new-found enthusiasm for “gay marriage” will make it any more likely that he will lead the Conservative Party to a majority in 2015 or add greatly to the sum total of happiness and contentment in our society. I wonder just when the implications of it was discussed in detail by a Cabinet Committee? Why cannot we have some rather better staff work before great policy initiatives are announced?'

Norman Tebbit writes for The Daily Telegraph on why 'Gay Marriage Won't Win David Cameron The Next Election'.
In what's for him a relatively restrained piece, Lord Tebbit of Chingford, blames Lib Dem "contagion" and warns of voters defecting to UKIP en masse.
"Within the can of worms that Mr Cameron is determined to open there are several nests of snakes,"  claims the Conservative's former viper in chief.

The Sun: Natural's Not In It

Baffling cartoon in The Sun to accompany some random - possibly drunken - babbling on gay marriage by Trevor Kavanagh.
Note this is a rare tabloid cartoon where THE GAYS are caricatured as masc butch ever-so manly Desperate Dan types, and not wilting pansies.
Just like the "Gay Nazi" one in the Daily Mail last year.
Subliminal message 1: These people are bullying thugs.
Subliminal message 2: These people are totally ridic.
Subliminal message 3: Natural's not in it.
Kavanagh concludes; "Sometimes, logic can drive you crazy."
Evidently. 
This heaven gives me migraine etc etc.

Update: I've only just noticed the cartoon actually shows a bowl of... wilting pansies!
FFS.
Subliminal message 4...

Bradley Manning: Like A Kangaroo

'PFC Bradley Manning, Nobel Peace Prize nominee and alleged WikiLeaks whistleblower, has spent more than 660 days locked up while he waits for the government to prepare its case against him. Juan Mendez, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture, has declared Bradley Manning’s treatment “cruel and inhuman”, but his requests to visit PFC Bradley Manning have been repeatedly blocked by the government. Soldiers have the right to a fair and speedy trial, but thus far the trial has proven to be a kangaroo court, "a mock court in which the principles of law and justice are disregarded or perverted". 'The judge in fact told the defense that a speedy trial would be impossible if the defense continued to file motions such as the requests to access key evidence and key witnesses that have thus far been blocked, and which are vital to PFC Bradley Manning’s defense. 'Bradley Manning’s attorney insists all charges must be dismissed after the government’s refusal to provide vast amounts of evidence and key witnesses. Criticizing “gamesmanship,” David Coombs said the prosecution “has so hopelessly confused discovery in this case so as to prejudice my client.”
'Unfortunately the judge was unable to establish an expected timeline for the trial, and two motions filed by the defense were denied, and another left unanswered, but the court is scheduled to reconvene for three days at Ft. Meade April 24th-26th'

Bradley Manning Support Network. 

Religious News: Collective Insanity

This is the Coptic Pope.
Yes, there's another Pope!
Or at least there was.
He's dead, but they've propped him up so people can pay tribute to his sheer dead pope-iness.
Brilliant!
In other news, a football player has had a cardiac arrest.
We have been asked to pray for him.
As opposed to hoping advances in medical science can save his life, and thanking the doctors and nurses who are helping him.
I love religion, me.
It makes so much sense.
Yay!

The Sunday Times: I'm A Cliché

'It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of an empty diary and a lacklustre wardrobe must be in want of gay. It’s just common sense, right? Nowadays, every sensible person accepts that gay men are unequivocally brilliant, especially at really important stuff like warming up a dancefloor or icing an intentionally kitsch cupcake. Their dress sense is without equal, their hair impossibly velvety, to say nothing of their steady stream of hilarious one-liners, benevolent bitchiness and scatter cushions that are as well appointed as their abdominal muscles. I have sad news. 'The notion that all gay men are fun-loving, emotionally intelligent hotties is a myth — albeit an increasingly powerful one...'

The Sunday Times. 
So some gay men are rubbish/rubbish gays - who knew?!!
Apart from everyone, obviously?
Quite frankly, I'd rather be a gay cliché than write clichéd crap about gay clichés like this crap.
A record-breakingly pointless piece by someone called Giles Hattersley.
That first name again - Giles.
Some people just STINK of public school poshness, don't they?

Christopher Jefferies: A Gift To The Tabloids

"If you think back to end of 2010 and last year, the story was something of a gift to the tabloids. It was a readymade Midsomer Murders script set in a respectable and leafy suburb.

"I was the person who had been arrested and the press seemed determined to believe the person who was arrested was the murderer, and to portray me in as dark and as lurid a light as possible.

"Lo and behold you don't just have a sexual predator, but you have a bisexual predator and all sorts of fantastic rumours were latched on to that I would hold pupils' hands while reading poetry, obviously with sinister sexual motives.

"Journalists will talk to 100 people and if 99 say one thing and one says something they would like to believe or will enable them to write the story they want to write, that is the one they will choose to believe.
"The caricature for me was the lewd figure, a peeping tom, I had apparently spied on tenants, I was a loner because I happened to live alone. A lot of people said some nice things about me but they tended to be buried and not given enough prominence in the articles.

"To complete the character assassination it was alleged that I was fascinated by death, because I happened to have shown on a couple of occasions a particularly important documentary about the liberation of Auschwitz.

"Here you have me, this dark, macabre, sinister villain. And that certainly wasn't the whole of it."

Christopher Jefferies - who was falsely accused of Joanna Yeates' murder - speaking at the Benn Debate, Bristol Festival Of Ideas.*

The only tabloids to cover this were the Express and The Daily Star. 

The Sun and The Daily Mirror, who were both found guilty of contempt of court, have ignored it. 

Here's the Star's heartfelt apology to Jefferies for libelling him.

Jefferies suggested one way this could be prevented from happening in the future; "If we're to avoid statutory regulation then the new PCC must have sanctions at its disposal so severe that compliance to the highest possible standards must be compelled."

* Accounts of Jefferies' talk order the above paragraphs differently. 

Marriage: Too Many Queens

'

'BRITAIN could end up with TWO Queens on the throne if gay marriage becomes law, an MP warned last night.
'Tory Peter Bone claimed the new legislation would throw the monarchy into crisis. 'He said it would mean a lesbian Queen having a Queen consort or a gay King having a King consort. 'Mr Bone has demanded an emergency summit of Commonwealth leaders to discuss the planned changes.
'He said: "They seem to be rushing this through without thinking of the broader implications."
The MP has fired off a letter to Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone warning of possible upheaval in the monarchy.
'And he wants to know if it is the Government's plan to change the Royal Marriages Act of 1772 to allow a same-sex union.
'Mr Bone believes this would make it impossible for the monarch to continue as supreme governor of the Church of England.
'And a gay monarch who conceived a child either by sperm donor or surrogate would raise wider questions, he warns...'

The increasingly mad Peter Bone MP - leading Cunt For Marriage - in The Sun Sunday.
And your problem with this is what exactly, dear? 
Easiest solution to the "problem"?
Abolish the monarchy.
Thanks for asking.

• Predictably the Mail On Sunday is also vexed by the titular and honorific anarchy we may be unleashing; "At present, if ‘Fred Bloggs’ is given a peerage and becomes ‘Lord Bloggs’, his wife ‘Freda’ becomes ‘Lady Bloggs’. Likewise, the wife of a knight of the realm, ‘Sir Fred Bloggs’, becomes ‘Lady Bloggs’...
"In the case of lesbian ‘Dame Freda Bloggs’, her lesbian married partner ‘Fiona’ could be titled ‘Dame Fiona’ or ‘the Honourable Fiona’" etc etc.
Oh noes!
Oh, and the Mail also claim this; "The Mail on Sunday understands that notwithstanding David Cameron’s publicly stated enthusiasm for gay marriage, it will not be in the Queen’s Speech in May when the Government unveils its legislative plans for next year.
"That means it will not become law for at least two years, possibly not until after the next General Election in 2015."
Fagburn wonders if the Mail have got some (gay) thing right for once.

Gay Marriage: Those Gay Celebs Opposed to Gay Marriage In Full

On Channel 4 News on Thursday, Sharon Jones of Cunts For Marriage made much play of how "plenty of lesbian and gay people" had signed her petition for inequality, discrimination and homophobic bigotry.
Jon Snow asked her how many, but she couldn't say - because she couldn't know and had probably just made it up.
There are probably a million or three lesbians and gay men in the UK, so it's not impossible that some have signed up to be denied their rights.
Jones also mentioned "those who have spoken publicly in support of this petition".
Which got me wondering about those gay celebrities and public figures who have come out and spoken out against gay marriage.
Here's that list in full.

1. Christopher Biggins.
2. Julie Bindel.
3. Brian Sewell.
4. David Coburn, cunt from UKIP.
5. Err, that's it.

Hardly a stellar list, is it?
And, as you can see, they are all bigots or barking or both. 
Well done.

PS The Independent's Diary has claimed Gilbert & George are opposed to gay marriage - but the quote they used to illustrate this doesn't really back this up.
Gilbert: "Who wants to be married in a church? Not us in a million years; we wouldn't go near one... For us it is very simple; our motto is 'Burn religion'."
Perhaps they are opposed full stop - but Gilbert is only saying here they don't want one.