Nick Grimshaw: Do Fear The Reaper

This is terrible news - the man's career is in tatters.

He'll be back on North Norfolk Digital by June, mark my words.

United Kingdom: Our Sunday Papers

How very interesting.

This is the star, so proceed with caution - but Grimmy's listening figures for her breakfast show have 'slumped to a record low', so she may want to focus on that.

Will Young: What Is Point?

Will Young says that he has one simple question for Simon Cowell, the man behind Will's first big breakthrough.

Will, who was the first winner of Simon’s TV talent show ‘Pop Idol’, tells HuffPostUK: “It would be like speaking to a devout Catholic or something, someone anti-gay marriage and anti-contraception.”

However, Will who acknowledges he made a lot of money from the competition and his ensuing career, wants to have a chat with the pop supremo and ask him “What’s it all for? How much is too much? What’s the drive?” ...

Will Young chatting to Huffington Post UK about his crippling sense of existential doubt.

Will Nice-But-Dim regularly writes blogposts for HuffPostUk, I strongly suggest you 'check them out'.

Quote Of The Day: Simon Cowell's Penis

Closer - thanks to Emma.

Media Studies: #TeamTulisa

x

Mirror.

"Simon was referred to during the trial without forewarning, resulting in widespread media coverage of untrue claims regarding his private life," the statement began.

"In 2014 the question of whether someone is or is not gay is antiquated. (As it happens he isn't, though if he were, he would simply have said so).

"However, the issue was the false suggestion made by Mr Varey that Simon - who is renowned for his honesty and candidness - had thus not been truthful in the public arena and this is what we have been obliged to clarify."

Team Cowell's statement.

Simon Cowell: Hands Up Who Gives A Fuck?

Telegraph.

Daily Star: How Very Interesting

The TV and music mogul, 54, was twice caught sniffing a mystery substance while at work.

It was assumed he was inhaling “poppers’’, used as a sex enhancer by the gay community.

Fellow judge Amanda Holden, 43, who spied him having a sniff, said: “I asked him if they were poppers.”

And a worker on X Factor USA thought the same.

But new dad Cowell has laughed off the suggestion he uses anything to enhance his sexual stamina.

He explained the “drugs’’ are smelling salts which he uses to clear his head.

Cowell said: “If I’ve got a headache it’s good for it.

"I need them for long days."

Daily Star.

Well if this isn't front page news, I don't know what is...

Louis Walsh: Boy Trouble

BRITAIN’S Got Talent was caught up in a new favouritism scandal last night for “fast-tracking” Louis Walsh’s boyband to the next round.

Walsh hand-picked the five members of Hometown in open auditions from 1,000 hopefuls in Dublin last May, hoping to create a new Boyzone or Westlife.

And they appeared to breeze through a recent BGT audition in Belfast into round two after getting Simon Cowell’s approval...

The Sun.

Though they do say it only looks like these hand-picked lads might have been favourited...

Louis Walsh: Happy As Larry

I wonder about his sexuality. I ask him to tell me if he’s straight or gay. “I can’t,” he says. “Don’t go there. I can’t. I think your private life is your private life.”
It emerges that I am straight. “Really? Are you really straight? I thought you might be gay! I thought you might be.”
Of himself: “Don’t go there! I’m happy. Happy as Larry!”
I mention Kevin Spacey, who said he didn’t want to tell me if he is gay or straight, because to be mysterious, as an actor, is to have an advantage. Louis loves this: “Walking his dog at four in the morning!”
And: “I watched House of Cards. He’s great. Love him, love him, love him.” 

Profile In The Times.

Louis also talks about the toilet incident (“It’s the worst thing ever in my life. My greatest nightmare. I thought my life was over”), Jan Moir on Stephen Gateley (“I think that was her opinion and, you know, in a way, she’s entitled to her opinion. I think she’s a good journalist. I’ve met her since, and I like her"), and is Simon Cowell a gayer ("Not at all... he's theatrical... it's an English thing").
So now you know...

The Sun: Straight Talking

IF you’re famous and happen to not have a partner for five minutes, chances are the internet rumour mill will creak into gear and the “are they gay?” questions will begin to spread.
Some stars ignore the remarks and refuse to comment on them.
But others eventually snap and set the record straight.

The Sun.

Loving the way The Sun absolves themselves from playing any part in all this palaver by blaming it on "the internet rumour mill".
And I'm not sure it's fair to say any of these celebs "snapped" or "hit back" - they all seemed admirably unflummoxed - even flattered - by the rumours.
It's not like they sued The Face, or The People, or took out a full-page ad in The Times. 

Thought For The Day: Simon Cowell

"I couldn't care less [if people think I'm gay] because it's nothing to be ashamed of. It feels like such an antiquated question now...

"If I was living 200 years ago in a coal mine, maybe [I'd mind], but I work in possibly the gayest industry in the world! Music and TV!

"It would make no difference to my life or my career. A lot of my friends are gay, but I'm not and don't even think that way any more."

Simon Cowell in a Radio Times interview, quoted in The Independent (and everywhere).
Not too sure what he means by that last sentence - anyone?

Comic Relief: A National Joke

Cause gay marriage - like fellas in dresses - is funny...

Britain's Got Talent: Situation

“Britain’s Got Talent is like a gay sitcom this year. There’s David and Simon who are a couple, then me and Amanda Holden who are TV wives. That’s exactly what it is.

“So much is said that is too risky for the main show, especially from David. It is such a shame we don’t do a BGT out-takes show that goes out after the watershed.

“The tone has got lower and lower this year thanks to David."

Alesha Dixon quoted in the Daily Star Sunday - so bum knows if she really said it. 

PS The Star also tells us David Walliams is "flamboyant", yet "married". Thanks for that...

PPS On reflection, I'm not sure why I posted this, it's pretty boring, isn't it?

Ivor Novello: No Homo

Odd piece by the otherwise great essayist Simon Cowell in The Guardian which skirts over the fact Ivor Novello was gay (or apparently "homosexual").
Odd, cause Callow talks about the centrality of Ivor's sexuality on this.

The Observer: Not Totally Straight

'...a much-discussed headline in the Sun last week. "Jessie Gay," it said, "Simon NOT Gay". Please update your sexuality Google doc: Jessie "gay" J is a "secret lesbian" and Simon "not gay, actually, no" Cowell is "totally straight". This month the Sun also ran stories on Prince Harry telling Alan Carr: "I'm not gay!", George Clooney saying he doesn't mind if people think he's gay, Emmerdale's Danny Miller saying: "I'm so glad I won't be kissing any more blokes" now he's leaving the soap, Liam from One Direction denying gay rumours, and an interesting piece on the sexuality of male dolphins (FYI: bi). It must be exhausting, mustn't it, keeping on top of who everyone wants to lie down with? I picture a But Is He Gay editor, sweating on his swivel chair, a well-worn MDF gayometer swinging doomily on his desk, the sweet smell of Lynx hazing above him like steam. Is Cowell "totally straight"?
'Dear the Sun – let me clarify…'

Eva Wiseman writing in The Observer.
So far, so fine.
She then goes on to compile one of those "You know you're not totally straight when" lists;
"If you have ever used disposable facial wipes or dry shampoo; if you have ever carried hand cream. If you have ever tried a speciality coffee. If you have ever cuddled someone platonically..."
It just seemed like a cliched exercise in space filling to me.
If I was forwarded a link to this - and it's just the kind of sickly/jokey drivel that gets passed on like viral pox - I'd be reaching for the Unfollow button.
And many of her markers of being "not totally straight" read more like markers of being middle class;
"If you have ever gone to a Westfield or similar mega-mall, one with a food court, and absolutely utterly hated it. If you have ever said "Hiya!" If you have ever added a garnish to your food..."
Westfield? Yuk!
Is it meant to be funny?
Maybe it's ironic?
Maybe I'm just in a mood?
Who can say?

The Sun: And On That Bombshell...

In 1997 The Sun said it wasn't going to out people anymore...

Walliams & Cowell: A Fine Bromance

'MATT Lucas has branded his comedy partner David Walliams and Simon Cowell the “new Hinge & Bracket”.
'Little Britain star Matt said David and Simon are getting so pally on Britain’s Got Talent that they remind him of the old telly drag queens.
'On the left [^] is how David and Simon would look as the couple who used to sing – and bicker – around a piano.'

The Sun.
Oh dear...

The Daily Star adds informatively...

'BRITAIN’S Got Talent stars Simon Cowell and David Walliams are to carry on camping it up to beat The Voice.

'Telly focus groups have revealed that viewers of the ITV1 show are loving the antics between David Walliams, 40, and Simon Cowell, 52.

'They told chiefs they want to see the camp Little Britain actor tease and flirt with the music executive even more.

'A show source said: “David has been given the green light to ramp up his bromance with Simon for the live shows.

'“Producers believe it’s the key to hooking in more viewers. The focus groups said they’re loving the show’s talent but wanted even more of David and Simon.

'“Viewers enjoy seeing him leave Simon speechless and red-faced. It’s going to become the campest show on telly."

'Last weekend new BBC1 show The Voice averaged 9.5million viewers, pipping Britain’s Got Talent, now in its sixth series, with 9.1m.

'Cowell admitted he was “irritated” to come in second best.

'Wild comic Walliams, 40, married to model Lara Stone, 28, repeatedly jokes on the show that he has a crush on bachelor Cowell.

'He also teases the music mogul about his sexuality, calling him “Queen Simon”.

'Cowell has admitted he is fond of his new judging pal, saying: “It was meant to be, wasn’t it? You know the sketch with the Prime Minister and the gay assistant in Little Britain, it’s like that.”

'Cheeky Walliams then added: “Except you’re the gay one.”'

Fagburn, for one, is positively gripped.
Many people on the Twittersphere have been asking about Will.i.am on their rival show, The Voice, incidentally...

PS The general consensus on Matt Lucas's new show, The Matt Lucas Awards, which debuted last night, is that it is absolute ruggish and painfully unfunny. Oh dear...

David Walliams: Bum

David tweeted this photo, and captioned it; "Me and my boyfriend."
Which led to this story in The Sun; "David Walliams: Fans always ask me if Simon likes men or laydees - BGT judge gives bum steer on Simon Cowell's sexuality."
Bum! Geddit?
David later tweeted; "Today's completely made up BGT story comes from The Sun."
But sadly about a different story.

Louis Walsh: Tragedy Turned Into Tabloid Gold

The Daily Star, The Daily Mirror and The Sun all give over their front pages to the Louis Walsh "gay sex attack" allegations.
Any X Factor story is always tabloid gold, but this one is actually (grimly) newsworthy.
Unfortunately there's not much substance to their stories today.
All had quotes from Louis saying much the same thing;
"I’m devastated by the completely unfounded and malicious allegations. Anyone who knows me knows this is all a pack of lies. It’s hurtful someone can do this and think they can get away with it," appeared in both the Mirror and the Sun, as did many others.
The Sun front page read; "Cowell: I back Louis 100%."
Inside we learnt Cowell said; "Like all of his close friends I will support him 100 per cent."
Thrillingly The Sun also told us; "Jedward refused to comment on the allegations yesterday as they attended a charity competition at a school in Dublin."
The Mirror, The Star and The Sun were all united in thinking Louis was innocent - so much so you began to wonder why the police were bothering to investigate.
One thing we didn't learn is what Louis Walsh's wife feels about all this.

Update: "LOUIS Walsh is “highly unlikely” to face any charges, according to Irish police sources.
"But because the young dad who accused him of sexual assault – which the X Factor judge categorically denies – is pursuing the complaint, officers will still have to interview Louis.
"Last night the Mirror learned that the “victim” changed his story when an analysis of CCTV revealed nothing..." Mirror Online.

Update 2: "POLICE last night said the probe into claims Louis Walsh indecently assaulted a man in a club toilet could take months..." The Sun, Saturday.

Ronan Parke: The Interview!

The Sun today has the interview everyone wants to read;
'BGT Ronan Parke: The nasty lies really upset me... I hate bullying'
"In his first in-depth interview since he was branded a stooge and came second, the 12-year-old singer said: "I was really upset - I hate bullying.""
You can say that again...
It does look like that widely circulated email from an "anonymous" blogger probably was by-and-large pants.
Simon Cowell secretly signing poor Ronan "two years ago" does seem daft when he'd have so many talent show hopefuls to play with in the meantime - and he's not well known for showing long-term commitment to his acts, is he?
And Ronan's "shock defeat" on Saturday does look like an anti-Cowell vote - shame.
Cowell claims to be calling in the cops.
The Sun only lightly touches on the email's "cruel personal slurs" about Ro.
But they do give a pretty hefty plug for the upcoming Britain's Got Talent tour.
Though; "Rumours circulated this week it may be scrapped because of poor ticket sales but were yesterday flatly denied."
But there is some good news; "The show takes in London's O2 Arena, which has thrilled Ronan.
"He said: "It is my dream to perform at the O2 Arena. I have seen Beyonce and Lady GaGa there and now I am going to be on the same stage which is amazing."
Bless.
Poor kid.