Fagburn: Apart From The Overwhelming Sense Of Absolute Futility And Despair Everything Is Brilliant

You can't say you weren’t warned. I told you the ‘diversity’ brigade wouldn’t rest at gay weddings.
For the past few years the equalities industry has been seeking out new frontiers with the determination of a Star Trek captain.
Having secured the rights of homosexuals to marry and adopt children, the equality warriors are escalating the battle on the transgender front...

Richard Littlejohn, the Daily Mail, on a false report about how we'll all be goose-marched to same-sex toilets by loony lefty councils.
Always reassuring to see a Mail columnist getting angry about a story they made up.

Television illusionist Derren Brown has denied reports that he will turn a gay man straight and make a straight man attracted to men for his latest stunt.
Brown, 41, was quoted in The Sun as saying: 'I was thinking about this the other day — it would be interesting wouldn’t it? To take a gay guy and make him straight and a straight guy and make him gay.
But he took to Twitter this evening to deny reports that he will use the concept as the basis of his next show.
He tweeted: 'Article in @thesunnewspaper saying that my next show is about changing sexuality: total rubbish.
'Thanks for that, being printed everywhere as fact.'

Daily Mail.

All bollocks, basically.
As per on here yesterday.
So a newspaper denies a story a journalist made-up.
This happens every day.
Twelve times.
Sometimes, I just despair.
How long can you complain about journalists who can neither write nor read?
And who can't even reprint a fucking press release without getting something wrong.
Or who are trapped in a vortex of their own paper's gobbledygook and balls?
How many times can you call out gay journalists who think their job is just to reprint lies from the straight press? 
Sometimes I feel like a boring old teacher marking thick kids' homework.
"No. No. Not true. No. Wrong. No. No. That's stupid..." 
WHAT IS POINT?
HELLO!!
IS ANYONE LISTENING???

Pornification: Ban This Filth!

Dianne Abbott, pictured recently.

No idea where she's going with this, but the Daily Mail are loving it.
But I guess that's who this sex panic is meant to appeal to.
Those who hate the supposed pornification of our culture might like to count the tits and ass, and bulge shots on Mail Online.
In summary: Sex? Boo!
And please accept our sincerest hypocrisy.

Ian McKellen: And This Week's Award For The Most Fawning Interview With Sir Ian Goes To...

‘When I came out, I told my stepmother Gladys, and she just said she had known for years and was glad I wasn’t lying any more. Before that, I presumed it would be bad for my career.

‘In the Fifties and Sixties, the life of a gay man was a secret. Homosexuality was illegal, so you didn’t draw attention to yourself. But coming out is the best thing I ever did and I’ve never met a gay person who didn’t think the same.

‘Even now there are young actors who want careers as romantic leading men and the best thing is not to reveal you’re gay. I suppose I used to wonder if I’d be allowed to play Romeo if I came out.

‘Eventually, I thought if you compromise to the extent of lying about yourself, is there any job in the world that’s worth that? I don’t think there is. It’s still a sensitive issue in Hollywood, though.’

From a positively gushing profile in the Daily Mail.
Mind you, somehow they forgot to ask Serena about the gaymarriage.
Oh, and apparently she's got a film out...

Gaydar: The Other One

'MOST people have a “gaydar” that works in less than the blink of an eye, research has found.
'Their ability to assess sexual orientation is purely unconscious and more accurate when directed at women.
'Photos of “straight” and “gay” faces were flashed on a screen for 50 milliseconds — a third the time of an eyeblink. Test volunteers were 65 per cent accurate assessing women and 57 per cent for men.
'The accuracy stayed greater than chance even when the photos were upside down...'

The Sun.
And every sodding paper.*
Still can't make up my mind if this is junk science or just stating the obvious.
Or even if I care.
Interesting choice of illustrations.
The Mirror had Alan Carr's face upside down.
The Sun used one of Boy George in full slap. 
And The Mail online used two stock photos of Some Gays, including - with no sense of irony - the all-time classic one above.

* Except The Guardian.

Update: Here's the ever useful churnalism.com showing how Mail Online and The Mirror cut-and-pasted about 40% of their news stories on this.
Journalism - beats workin'!

Greg Barker MP: And Your Little Dog, Too!

The Daily Mail.

Oddly, there is something about the "eccentric" Greg Barker MP that the Mail neglects to mention.
See if you can guess what it is?
Little clue: He ran off with their interior decorator. 

Coalition 4 Marriage: Romantic Fictions

The ASA’s decision to investigate complaints about a series of ads by the Coalition for Marriage that are appearing in the press and online has prompted some comment in the media, the blogosphere and in other social media.  We would like to clarify that the fact that we are investigating the complaints does not mean we will necessarily ‘uphold’ them, leading to the ad being banned.  We are not at that decision-making stage yet and will, as always, take into account the responses we receive.  The right of advertisers responsibly to express their views will undoubtedly be an important factor in our assessment of whether the ads are likely to cause serious or widespread offence.  We are also looking at whether the ads are misleading.
One of the bloggers on whose blog the ads appeared has raised concerns about us contacting him as part of our investigation.  We have long found it useful to ask, in confidence, publishers of ads subject to ‘offence’ complaints for their views, because they can give us a valuable insight into whether or not their readers are likely to be offended.  They are not the subject of our investigation, as we have made clear to them in this case, and they are not compelled to respond.  Many of the adjudications published on our websites bear that out.  Here are examples of ASA rulings where publishers have responded and we have agreed with them that the ads under investigation were acceptable, where some have regretted publishing the ad in question and where the publisher has declined to comment.
We cannot comment further on our ongoing investigation before we reach a decision, but we will very carefully assess the issues at hand before we publish our findings.

Advertising Standards Authority statement. 
Issued after an in-no-way hysterical story in The Daily Mail,

Christian blogger plunged into free speech row after being told to justify 'offensive and homophobic' anti-gay marriage advert

'A Christian blogger is at the centre of a free speech row after posting an 'offensive' advert on behalf of a petition against plans to legalise gay marriage. Advertising watchdogs have demanded an explanation from the writer, known by the pen name Archbishop Cranmer, after they received 24 complaints. The Advertising Standards Authority is asking that he respond to claims that the message - which asks viewers to 'Help us keep the true meaning of marriage' - is homophobic.

The Mail has since updated their article online to include two quotes from the ASA statement, but have somewhat missed one of the main points and left in the accusation made in the opening paragraph that they "demanded an explanation" from the blogger.
Ho-hum..

PS You should check out the Archbishop Cramner blog - he's every bit as crazy as he is scary.
The fact that 24 people complained about the ads - a pretty disappointing figure - comes from an ASA reply to him. 10 said they found it "offensive", 14 contested the use of a poll had that said 70% of people oppose gay marriage.

Gay Marriage: Rite

Civil partnership, medieval style: In the days when same-sex marriage was a Christian rite.

'Same-sex unions in Christian churches were held as long ago as the Middle Ages, research shows.
'Historians say the ceremonies included many of the acts involved in heterosexual marriages, with the whole community gathering in a church, the blessing of the couple before an altar and an exchange of holy vows.
'A priest officiated in the taking of the Eucharist and there was a wedding feast for guests afterwards...'

Surprisingly this is on The Daily Mail's (Out Of Their) Right Minds subsite.
And surprisingly it hasn't led to the comments section going MENTAL!
I like the fact that the author of this article admits he's talking about a book - Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality by John Boswell - he hasn't actually read.
And it was published 32 years ago - News!
He also gets the subtitle hilariously wrong.
Impressive research, dude.

PS Many think the book itself is spurious research.

Daily Mail: Bread And Meat (And Milk)

DAILY MAIL COMMENT: Cameron can only win with true Tory values 
 
'The electorate did deliver a very clear message to the Prime Minister: they want him to stop pandering so much to the Liberal Democrats (who now have fewer councillors than at any time in their history) and govern as a Tory.
'As defence minister Gerald Howarth remarked, the party’s natural supporters are bewildered by the decision to prioritise fringe issues such as gay marriage and House of Lords reform when the country is struggling to escape the worst slump since the 1930s...'

Daily Mail leader.

'Stewart Jackson MP called for an end to ‘barmy’ policies. ‘David Cameron is on notice that he does need to raise his game,’ he said
"‘He needs to focus on bread-and-butter issues like jobs and mortgages and public services and, above all, to develop a clear route map to growth, and stop fixating on the agenda of a liberal clique around him and barmy policies such as Lords reform and gay marriage, which people either don’t like or don’t care about.
‘"There is a growing frustration from many Conservative backbenchers that their views are not being listened to."’ 

Daily Mail lead story.

'Mr Cameron is a charismatic leader who has refreshed his party, and made it far more comfortable with the modern world. But his political strategy and positioning are failing to deliver. By making a totem of issues such as overseas aid and gay marriage, he has alienated core voters without winning new ones. The result of adhering to a Westminster definition of the centre ground, and trying to be all things to all people, is that the Conservative Party now appears to lack the message, the focus, and the strategy to win a majority.'

Daily Telegraph leader.

The Stewart Jackson "Bread and butter issues" quote - echoing Gerald Howarth's "No mandate" mantra yesterday * - looks set to be the new "Doesn't know the price of milk".
Expect it to be endlessly puked up by the Mail and Telegraph in the near future.
It's a complete canard, as the Mail indicates in the small print; 'Senior MPs do not believe issues such as gay marriage and Lords reform have had much impact on Tory support.
'They argue mid-term unpopularity is inevitable for a government embarked on a far more radical programme of spending cuts than anything Margaret Thatcher attempted...'
Many Mail and Telegraph-types may feel distinctly queasy about the chatter about gay marriage, but I'd imagine the number of people being so appalled they'd actually change their vote over this is miniscule.
But anyway, let's get back to Tory basics: Tax cuts, red tape, Eurocrats, law and order, immigrants, bring back hanging and national service for the workshy welfare scum blah blah bloody BLAH.
"The buggers are legal now, what more are they after?"

PS Predictably baffling, arse-over-tit argument presented by Matthew Parris in The Times;
'Pause, fellow Tories. Before launching this weekend into the familiar lament that the Conservative Party has lost touch with its “core values”, “core Tory message”, and “core supporters”, pause and call to mind a face, a grin, a mop of ash-blond hair and a rumpled suit...
'Do we suppose that “core” Labour voters are unconcerned about immigration, crime or scroungers? Are they baying for an end to smacking? Can you hear the mob down at the Clydeside shipyard howling: “What do we want? Gay marriage! Who do we love? Brussels bureaucrats! What are we waiting for? Cheap immigrant labour!”?
Oh dear...

* An online article from 2000 wonders if Gerald Howarth is a "gay Tory hypocrite". Who can say?

Mail Online: Off Message

Something of a classic of its kind, I think.
The Mail has gone totally batshit because the arch bigot O'Brien said over the weekend; "I am saying to the prime minister, look, don’t just protect your very rich colleagues in the financial industry, consider the moral obligation to help the poor of our country."
Cause that Jesus bloke didn't say anything about helping the poor, did he?
And he never stopped going on about the farking queers.
I'd love to read the Gospel According To The Daily Mail.
Can someone write one, please?

Ed Miliband: Hello Point! I've Missed You

Labour leader, Ed Miliband, has given his first major interview since the Coalition government went into total meltdown last week.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man etc etc.
So how did this inspirational young firebrand try to connect with an angry nation and win them over to Labour?

"When it comes to the next election, we recognise we will inherit a difficult set of economic circumstances. 
"We now have to convince people we have got ways of making society fairer without spending more money. There are difficult decisions but we have different values which can make people’s lives better.’

In a wide-ranging interview, Mr Miliband also: 

• Launched a strong defence of Labour’s financial links with the unions, but said he was ready for cross-party talks on reform of party funding 

• Revealed Labour would go further than the Government on gay marriage, allowing ceremonies in churches that want to perform them as well as register offices

• Proposed a big expansion of ‘restorative justice’, with young offenders made to confront their victims and make amends

• Warned energy companies a Labour government will legislate to force them to lower bills for over-75s

The Daily Mail.

I suppose if Fagburn was feeling generous I could say it's "nice" that he's included gay marriage in his inaction plan - and, as, The Mail points out, he's gone that extra inch further than Cameron by saying we should be able to marry in church - but if he thinks any of this bland drivel comes anywhere close to addressing peoples' most pressing political concerns right now, then, my friend, we are completely and utterly fucked.

Launched a strong defence of Labour’s financial links with the unions, but said he was ready for cross-party talks on reform of party funding

Revealed Labour would go further than the Government on gay marriage, allowing ceremonies in churches that want to perform them as well as register offices

Proposed a big expansion of ‘restorative justice’, with young offenders made to confront their victims and make amends

Warned energy companies a Labour government will legislate to force them to lower bills for over-75s

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2125390/Were-Miliband-attempts-steal-Osbornes-austerity-slogan-saying-Chancellor-use-again.html#ixzz1r9tdXNhz

The Daily Mail: Making Your Mind Up

'They have his good looks! Ricky Martin shows off his gorgeous twin sons in touching family cover shoot for Vanity Fair'
The Daily Mail - they love the gays.
They hate the gays.
They love the gays.
They hate the gays...
Repeat to fade.

Mail On Sunday: Britain's First Male Mum Doesn't Speak

The Mail have managed to spin a front page story - headed on the web as 'Britain's First Male Mum Speaks' - out of the fact that the man didn't want to talk to them.
Amazing.

Archbishop Sentamu: Bashing The Bishop

Archbishop John Sentamu receives racist emails after saying ministers should not allow same sex marriage

• Archbishop of York sent 'abusive and threatening' emails

• Cleric said ministers should not overrule Bible by allowing same-sex marriage

The Daily Mail is so loving this story.

It fits into their recurring right-wing riff that it's The Militant Gays who are the intolerant ones, not those nice fluffy Christians who want us to burn in Hell.
However we don't know yet which part of his wide-ranging interview in The Daily Telegraph the "small number" of racist emails were written in response to.
If they were about his opposition to gay marriage, is that surprising?
There are regularly gay racists who leave appalling comments on the messageboards of Pink News and Queerty, for example.
(They appear to leave them, but delete or ban people who are critical of their journalistic standards).
Why does anyone expect that gay men should be the only social group in the history of the world where all its members are free of bigotry?
Yes, even where they've been victims of bigotry themselves.
After all, Sentamu spoke of the racial prejudice he received when he first came to Britain - in the same interview where he made his anti-gay comments.

• If you want to see some real textbook bigotry have a look at the Mail readers' comments below their story...

• There was a protest against Sentamu's comments on marriage equality held outside York Minster on February 1st. Here's a video about it.

Daily Mail: Allure Of The Seas

Briton missing after fall from world's biggest liner: 225,282-ton Allure of the Seas chartered by gay and lesbian holiday firm

• Rescuers are still searching for the 30-year-old unnamed man

• Most of passengers said to be gay men enjoying 'hedonistic atmosphere'

The Daily Mail.

A Fagburn reader writes;

"For the Daily Mail, it is relevant to the man's death that the liner was chartered by a gay holiday firm. If it was a regular luxury liner cruising off Italy, for example, obviously nothing could go wrong."

A Daily Mail reader writes;

"I simply cannot imagine anyone actually paying money to join this cruise. It looks like my worse nightmare."

Thanks Andrew.

The Daily Mail: Know Your Audience

'Right-wingers tend to be less intelligent than left-wingers, and people with low childhood intelligence tend to grow up to have racist and anti-gay views, says a controversial new study.
'Conservative politics work almost as a 'gateway' into prejudice against others, say the Canadian academics.
'The paper analysed large UK studies which compared childhood intelligence with political views in adulthood across more than 15,000 people.
'The authors claim that people with low intelligence gravitate towards right-wing views because they make them feel safe...'

The Daily Mail.
Amusing as this is, it's as flawed as most surveys.
There's a lot of clever homophobes and racists out there.
Some of them write columns for The Daily Mail.

Update: Good pieces in The Guardian on this by Charlie Brooker and George Monbiot.

Update2: The Mail return to this heated debate.

Facebook: Unlike

"Facebook is in a mad hurry to make sure everyone uses its new Timeline infrastructure – so mad, it has decided to switch it from being a nice option to a mandatory feature.

"In other words, you have seven days to scour through your Facebook history and delete any embarrassing status updates, photos or videos you would rather remain forgotten.
"Timeline is the shiny new magazine-style tiled layout that creates a more visual look to your Facebook wall as opposed to the linear text-driven style we've learned to live with over the last few years.
"The Timeline feature includes a slider that lets you delve all the way back through someone's history on Facebook, pretty much to the day they were born...."

Siliconrepublic.com
Unbelievably it looks like The Daily Mail is the only UK newspaper to cover this story; 'You WILL reveal your past! Facebook's timeline feature becomes mandatory for all users - with just 7 days to 'clean up'' 
Fagburn can't see anything going wrong if Facebook shows up every last bit of anyone's personal history.
No siree.
Apart from more gay kids being outed to their parents and kicked out of home.
Or more gay kids being bullied to death.
Well done Facebook - another winner!

Melanie Phillips Watch: No Idea. Anyone?

"Our society is being brainwashed into pretending that the differences between male and female don’t exist — in order to reconstruct society into some unattainable utopia of sexual and gender identicality.
"The dual goal is to marginalise men and to upend society’s fundamental moral codes. Having first been told they can behave sexually in whatever way they want, people are now being told they can be sexually whatever they want. And anyone who objects to this will be told they are a bigot..."

The Daily Mail.

You are a bigot.

And absolutely barking.

Update: Ann Widdecombe is also mad as hell.

David Hockney: A Really Big Splash

"I arrived in [London in] September 1959, but by the summer of 1961 I'd spent a few months in New York. As soon as I got there I realised that this was the place for me. It was a 24-hour city in a way London wasn't. It didn't matter where you were from. I absolutely loved it, and then when I went to LA I liked that even more. So when swinging London was going on, for most of it I was actually in California. And I never thought London was that swinging when I did come back. It was for a few people, but in LA it was for the many, which I preferred. In LA in 1964 there were enormous gay bars. There wasn't anything like that in London, or even in New York."

It's David Hockney day today!
It feels like it's been Hockney week.
Maybe this will be his year?
He's got some big new exhibition coming up, apparently, A Bigger Picture.
There's a huge profile and interview in The Guardian; David Hockney: A Life In Art.
It's the best piece by far - humanising a man who's usually caricatured as a grumpy old git who keeps banging on about the smoking ban.
It's worth noting no-one here has called Hockney a "national treasure" - which may only mean that none of these journalists like vacuous cliches.
The Financial Times gives us the flowery 'Blue-Sky Painting - David Hockney talks about his new landscape show at the Royal Academy and explains why the ‘arrival of spring can’t be done in one picture’.
The Daily Mail the rather creepy The Wish From A Dying Friend That Helped Artist David Hockney To Love Britain Again.
Isn't it cute they have to explain to readers in the headline he's an artist?
The Mail reprints his painting The Road Across The Wold. Typical reader comment; "What a load of tosh! My 6 year old granddaughter could paint better pictures than that."
In The Times there's a piece on the new exhibition; Nature Imitates Art In Yorkshire.
But they did their big feature on David last Saturday; David Hockney On Beauty, Life and Landscape.
And they kept readers happy inbetween with David Hockney and his iPad last Thursday.
The Telegraph has done no major feature - yet; A Bigger Picture doesn't open til January 21st, but they've still managed to mention him four times in the last few days, usually in relation to his (now denied) spat with Damien Hirst about artists using assistants.
Tis only The Independent who are letting the entire nation down with a total Hockney no-show - but we still have a week to go til his new show opens.
Indy hack - let Fagburn help you write it!

Britain's greatest living painter/artist, 75 this year, Order Of Merit, smoking.
New Royal Academy exhibition, A Bigger Picture, not a retrospective, East Yorkshire landscapes, iPad, video, friend Wayne Sleep.
Born Bradford, Yorkshire, loved/loves Picasso, Royal College Of Art, swinging London, Pop Art, "trail-blazing use of gay themes", California, A Bigger Splash, "partner" John Fitzherbert, technology early adopter.
Losing hearing, return to Britain, Bridlington, sister's house, "Hockney Country", mention A Bigger Picture again.
End with short upbeat quote; "By 'eck!" etc.

Update: On Monday 16th, The Independent published a - rather good - piece on Hockney by Philip Hensher, Genius Is Just A Matter Of Taste, musing on the whole "greatest living painter" malarkey.

Lionel Bart: The Horror! The Horror!

'From bowls of cocaine in his Fun Palace... to cheap vodka in a shabby flat: How Oliver! creator Lionel Bart's greatest success ended up destroying him.'

The Daily Mail.

Lionel had a very nice maisonette flat in posh Acton and - as you bizarrely make clear in the text - left a million pounds in his will.
What a disaster!

The Daily Mail: Now Officially Mad

"Shakespearean actor Sir Ian McKellen, 72, announces in a New York newspaper that there’s ‘no doubt’ William Shakespeare was gay and this is evident in the bard’s work.
"Sir Ian reflects: ‘I’d say Shakespeare slept with men. The Merchant of Venice, centering on how the world treats gays as well as Jews, has a love triangle between an older man, younger man and a woman.
"'And the complexity in his comedies with cross-dressing and disguises is immense. Shakespeare obviously enjoyed sex with men as well as women.’ "Obviously? Discuss.
"When his daughter Kathlyn endured a gender re-assignment operation to become a man, Stephen, once frisky Hollywood star Warren Beatty was reported to be distraught while mother Annette Bening took the issue in her stride.
"But Beatty now seems to have come to terms with the matter, toasting the bravery of Kathlyn/Stephen at a family dinner in Hollywood’s Il Covo restaurant.
"Having forgotten Colin Firth got a CBE in June, 2011, I expressed surprise that he didn’t get a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours List, despite being widely tipped for one.
"There’s often a gap of a few years between a CBE and a knighthood. Actors Alec Guinness, Ben Kingsley and Anthony Hopkins all got CBEs before their ‘K’. But sometimes the honours stop at a CBE. So Colin can’t rest on his laurels.
"Glamo rous broadcaster Selina Scott has withdrawn a photograph of the naked Michael Winner from the website which promotes socks she makes from the hair of rescued goats, finding it ‘bad for business’"
"Winner sent Ms Scott a snap of himself, sitting cross-legged, saying, ‘Dear Selina, I wear nothing but your socks.’
"Ms Scott reports: ‘Customers said they found the sight of a naked Winner so horrific and begged me to remove it that I had to take the old gargoyle off. Since then business has boomed.’ I dread to think what he’ll now send Selina in retaliation.
"Asked for a prediction for 2012, Labour’s London Mayoral candidate Ken Livingstone tells Time Out: ‘I will have been elected Mayor, and crowds will be dancing in the streets, cheering and having sex – much like at the end of World War II.’"

The Daily Mail.
WTF are you wibbling on about?
I think this may be a resigning issue.
Or a sign of your meltdown.
You couldn't make it up etc etc.