Matthew Parris: To 'She' Or Not To 'She'

The Times.

In this, Matthew's landmark 400th column for The Times he begins by announcing he is quitting Twitter; 'Life's too short'.

A quick check reveals he had sent a grand total of 53 tweets - often about his llamas - since joining a year ago ie 53 weeks ago.

Must have been quite time-consuming.

Lucky Times readers also learn; 'On Saturday, after nearly 50 years of shaving against the lay of the stubble, I’ve done a U-turn and will henceforward shave with the lay.'

So now you know!

Which neatly brings us onto his grandfather's only sex advice to his father; '"In the RAF”, said Squadron Leader Littler to his son, “you may encounter men who like to dress up as women. Don’t have anything to do with it."'

Shaving! Transvestites! Can you tell where this is going!!???

Beards and cross-dressing bring me to the transvestite winner of last weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest; and for me another first in my life: I actually found Conchita sexy. I’ve never in my life thought men pretending to be women anything but funny; drag can be a hoot, but sexual attraction hasn’t crossed my radar — until this Eurovision.

What a pro!

The Times: Cartoon

By Morland.

Whatever their other politics, and me not really giving two real toots about gaymarriage, respec' is due to The Times for being the best defender of the gay marriage last year.

Paul Flowers: Relentless

Hilarious Times cartoon!

What's going on in the bottom row second-left panel, please?

This week's Great Satan also gets a Times leader today...

The Times: TV Times

Few would contest the notion that Britain over the first decade of this millennium changed. By imperceptible degree, entrenched class prejudice and deference fell away.

The election of new Labour in 1997 played a part, as did the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, later that year. This was the first government whose members were first Government born largely since the Second World War, while the other forced a new settlement between a monarch and her subjects.

Yet a third event three years later arguably had just as much societal impact. That was the beginning of the Channel 4 reality series Big Brother.

If the contention sounds absurd, that only goes to show the extent to which something once so abrasively new has bedded down into the national psyche...

The rise of reality television has had many negative effects, chief among them a cult of celebrity far more vacuous than even that which went before. Yet it is too easy to forget the rigidity which existed in public life beforehand. To put it bluntly, normal people didn’t go on telly.

Some might argue that normal people didn’t go on Big Brother either, but at least they could. Yes, every Big Brother contestant was an exhibitionist, but this was a far more diverse bunch of exhibitionists than Britain had previously known. Just over 13 years ago, the last three contestants in the first series were, respectively, Northern, black and gay. If, today, that sounds like a banal observation, well, that’s rather the point.

The Times' leader.

A point often made.

Though there's some truth to it, it's often-simplified and over-stated.
It's like saying TV (or Hollywood etc) is a fairy's magic wand that's made everything a-okay - as if other factors, cultural, political and social (how we little boring ordinary people engage with friends, family, co-workers, neighbours etc etc) are of little consequence.

Mind you, in 2001, John Pilger had a slightly different take on things...

Last Sunday, Michael Jackson, Channel 4's departing chief executive, told Observer readers that he had, no less, helped bring about "the profound social changes that have occurred in British society." He cited Big Brother as representing "a melting pot for a broader, more understanding and inclusive society... an optimistic glimpse at the ease of presence between a group of people with different ethnicity, sexuality, religion, class and education". He related this to Blair's promised "classless society" and declared, Tony-like, that "we have a more prosperous economy than at any time in our past".

That gays and females, blacks and Asians are capable of moronic behaviour in Big Brother is not "an optimistic glimpse" of anything. Like the pathetic cast of Jerry Springer, they merely provide a glimpse of the media elite's vicarious flirtation with low life for the sake of a buck and high ratings. No one denies that Channel 4 transmits some quite brilliant programmes, as it should, given its extraordinary remit and resources and the film-making talent in Britain; but these are fragments of its potential. 

Bit patronising and snobby, John.
Maybe he's still angry about making such a fool of himself with Su Pollard on Celebrity Big Brother.

The Times: They Have A-Changed Etc Etc

This weekend, in the car with the children, I was playing Sing if You’re Glad to be Gay by the Tom Robinson Band. It’s just been re-released and I hadn’t heard the original version for quite a long time. I’d almost forgotten how good it was — direct and brave and true. At the end of the song comes the singer’s revelation that he is gay. Sing if you’re glad to be gay, sing if you’re happy this way. And the children wanted to know why he sang it.
You see, for them being gay is something so natural that the assertion seemed pointless, a “so what?” moment. It was the weekend of Pride, the parade to celebrate the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities. And it was being sponsored by Ernst & Young and RBS and Barclays. Gay rights, being gay, is safe to them and conventional and obvious. Come to think of it, they probably think it’s more edgy to work for Barclays or RBS. You wouldn’t lose your knighthood for being gay.

A post-prandial Pride piece in The Times. by executive editor and ex-Tory party worker, Daniel Finkelstein

In summary; everything's just fine and dandy here now and England swings like a pendulum do.
We're a bit let down by all these funny foreigners in those loser countries, though.
Especially Iran and Russia, who really don't play by our rules.
Much of the usual liberal hand-wringing in covert defence of Western neo-imperialism etc etc.
Oh, and did I mention I've got kids?

Readers' comments predictably descended into the usual vacuous bunfight, but it's always good to see one of the old solid-gold classics getting another airing.

"I have a very simple solution to the problems of the so-called "gay" lobby. If people, in general, simply kept their sexual preferences to themselves (and obviously their sexual partners), nobody would be persecuted because nobody else would know about it. Personally I have no interest in anybody else's sex life unless it involves me. What does upset me is the way that homosexuals flaunt themselves as though they have found a better way of life."

Letter To The Editor: Gay Times

The Times.*
 
The title given to this letter may suggest a pro-gay bias on the part of a sub-editor.
But does The Times still support marriage equality? 
Here's columnist Norman Finkelstein today.

David Cameron is being advised by some of his MPs to drop the proposal because it is so unpopular. But this isn’t true. It is unpopular with over-65s. It is strongly popular — something like two to one — with all other age groups and all social classes. For every one person under the age of 40 who opposes gay marriage, nearly five support it. And they regard opposition to it as rather odd.
The Conservative Party cannot, of course it cannot, dismiss older voters or ignore their concerns. It needs to reassure them that their central concerns are being addressed and that their opinions matter. It needs to find inventive ways — the benefit cap is a good example, the European referendum another — to talk to these voters and a wider constituency at the same time...
Britain can have governments of the right, but they will be open, socially liberal, moderate, ethnically diverse, optimistic and willing to compromise or they will not win power. That message, after all, put David Cameron in Downing Street in 2010.

A cynic might think this means The Times support the Tories supporting gay marriage as long as it doesn't cost them too much support from voters, but same as it ever was.

* A recent YouGov poll also suggested gay marriage was not a big concern among potential Ukip voters.

Gay Marriage: Junk!

David Cameron has been told by his own MPs to junk the gay marriage Bill and cut overseas aid in an effort to halt the UKIP bandwagon.
Tory MPs warned the Prime Minister that he must attend to the party’s “home base” swiftly to prevent more core Conservatives deserting to Nigel Farage. Sir Gerald Howarth, the former Defence Minister, said that his constituents were “fed up to the back teeth” with the Government. He challenged Mr Cameron to adopt a five-point plan that encompassed taking Britain out of the European Convention on Human Rights, doing more to cut immigration, triggering a prompt EU referendum, freezing the aid budget and scrapping the gay marriage Bill. 

The Times.

Interesting to single out equal marriage in the headline when there are five demands.
And interesting that the pro-gay marriage Times gives this story such prominence.
And interesting that Gerald Howarth made exactly the same call after last year's local election results.
And it's interesting that David Cameron ignored this obsessively anti-gay and frighteningly right-wing creepy old irrelevant ballbag then, too.

Thought For The Day: Lord [Annoying Square Brackets] Browne

“They say that their [people in business's] clients or their customers may not like [people being gay]. I’ve heard that so many times. In the early days it frightened me so much that I became determined to hide away who I was. I feel so much more calm now. It’s a huge liberation.” 

Today's big Saturday Interview in The Times is with Lord Browne.
The business man's Adam Lambert.
An unconvicted corporate mass murderer when he was head of BP, now - presumably - a "controversial... gay icon".
Even though John Browne's only out now cause he committed perjury by trying to cover up the fact that he was gay.
But what the hey, eh?

PS Some "interesting" statuettes behind Lord John in that photo. If I wins the lottery I am so gonna buy me some of those naked antique dudes.

Archbishop Welby: The Sin Of Pride

An archiepiscopal enthronement is a joyful thing. A leader is welcomed by a community who, for all their differences, recognise something greater than themselves and want to be good and love their neighbour. Why, why, why, does the unifying moment have to be sabotaged, as it was in a widely reported BBC interview, by cornering him into reaffirming the old tedious, hobgoblin issue of the Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage? Just when it seems that cautiously, painfully, religious liberalism is growing?
Christian churches are weirdly obsessed with below-the-belt intimacies. The Church of England still rejects “homosexual practice” as contrary to scripture, won’t ordain “active” homosexuals or bless gay partnerships. All Christian churches should try a moratorium, promising for five years to utter not a word about consensual, non-violent, monogamous genital goings-on. Just concentrate on cruelty, dishonesty, avarice, pride and injustice, and render unto Eros his due. Reiterate the stuff Jesus actually did say (he was remarkably quiet on the subject of sex, only taking the trouble to deplore the stoning of adulterers)...

When I first saw this headline I thought it was a wonderfully caustic comment on the pride and cruelty of the Church of England.
Bit disappointed it wasn't, but still a good comment piece in the ever-so pro gay marriage Times today by Libby Purves.

Caitlin Moran: Only Askin'

Pete Paphides - that's "Mr Moran" to you - responds;

“Cate. I’m going to make a very mild suggestion here. It is that you might be spending slightly too long hanging out with your gay friends. Whatever the multiplicity of positive aspects that gay culture has brought us – and however loath I am to ever make a crass generalisation about an entire disparate demograph of people, all ultimately impossible to unite under a single, notable trope – they do think everyone is secretly gay, and I think that might have crept into your analysis of our 18-year heterosexual marriage, during which I have never once asked you to dress as a soldier, put on a pair of tighty-whities or, in any way, ever, be a man. I’m very, very sorry, but I’m straight.”

The Times.

I can't be arsed to check, but I bet there's a gaggle of silly queens on Twitter who've taken offence at this sweet piece.
"Caitlin Moran? Catty MORON more like!!!" etc etc.

Marriage: Sign Of The Times

Shake me, wake me when it's over...

The Times: Gay Revolt

It's late.
I'm tired.
This is daft.
Manana...

Update: It's probably not happening anyway...

Eddie Redmayne: Gay?

Is it easier to film gay rather than straight sex scenes, I ask. Redmayne, who is straight, has been cast in enough gay roles to make “Eddie Redmayne gay?” the second most popular Google search term for him. “No,” he says. “I mean, always, always embarrassing.” Gay, straight, incestuous, whatever? “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Always awkward. Just imagine you had to do one. That’s exactly it! That is what it is. It’s not like [actors] know what we’re doing more.” 

Eddie Redmayne profiled in The Times. 
At the time of typing it's third - after "Eddie Redmayne girlfriend".
While Googling Eddie I stumbled on a website called gay-or-straight.com.
Not sure how reliable it is as they've spelt Tom Daley's surname wrong.
"Tom Daly" though is off the Gay-o-meter scale, apparently.
I know - who knew!?

Caitlin Moran: Eh?

Caitlin Moran - who's usually interesting and entertaining - has written a piece for The Times today about The Gays and equality and that.
Two slight problems.

1. It's behind the Murdoch paywall, so you probably can't read it.

2. I'm not really sure what she's trying to say.

Anyone?

Edit/update: This became quite a thing on Twitter and on the blogosphere, mainly because of this opening paragraph;

"When I first started being serious about being a bleeding heart pinko liberal lefty right-on lover of women, gays, disableds, mentals, the working class, transsexuals and all the ethnics – apart from the Chinese, obviously. It’s difficult to trust them. They’re a cruel race. Or is that supposed to be the Japanese? I can never remember – I did it because it seemed to be the right thing. The polite thing. The noble thing."

Her use of words like "gays" and "mentals" is clearly ironic - and if you can't see that you're stupid.

Apologies to any members of the stupid community I may have offended.

Others found the whole thing rather patronising and/or offensive.

I just found it rather garbled and a lame, wet liberal non-argument more suited to a school debating society. 

It does seem like Moran must have dashed this one off in a hurry, but it's good to know even she can have her off-days.

The Times: Scotland

Odd that this should appear in The Times' Scottish edition.
The Times has been pro-gay marriage - and Scottish folk are famously more so.
64% of Scottish folk agree this would be okay and need not lead to the end of Western civilisation according to a recent Mori poll.

PS I'm still unwell and am just writing short notes at the moment, please bear/bare with me.
But self deluding closeted anti-gay bigots do fuck me off.

Gay Cake Toppers Watch: The Times

This is a classic.
It's got it all going wrong on!
And remember, newspapers can not legally show photos of gay couple's faces, only the back of their heads, their hands, or little plastic models on wedding cakes. 

Village People: Vs Village Idiots

After 35 years of belting out YMCA and In the Navy, the Village People are still bothered by one question: what’s this gay subtext that people keep mentioning?
They have been described as “the first gay superstar group”. One of the original members was discovered dancing in a Native American head-dress in a gay nightclub and several others answered a job advert reading: “Macho types wanted. Must have moustache.”
But in an interview in a new documentary about the disco explosion in the 1970s, the group deny that there is any subtext to their work.
In The Secret Disco Revolution, Felipe Rose, the original Native American character in the Village People, protests that “we are just a party band”.
David “Scar” Hodo, better known as the construction worker, says: “People always talk about the double entendres. There was not one double entendre in the music.”
Their views are at odds with the premise of Jamie Kastner’s film, which was screened at the 56th BFI London Film Festival this week. 

The Times.

Really?
That's most odd - David certainly wasn't in denial when I interviewed him.*
Maybe they just thought the interviewer was a jerk?

PS The idea that Village People were straight - only lead singers Victor Willis and Ray Simpson were - is one of Pop music's most enduring and unchallenged urban myths.
Still, not like a journalist would let the truth get in the way of a good story, eh?
It's also nonsense to say no straight people "got it".
It was a running joke at the time.
Why - to name but two examples from my TV childhood - did Noel Edmonds snigger and snort before playing In The Navy on Swapshop, or why did Roger Daltry introduce them on Top of the Pops with the immortal line; "Mind your backs"?
Every kid in the school playground seemed to "get it". 
Historical revisionism - up yours! 

* Admittedly I didn't get to talk to Felipe, but got to meet him and he was rather frosty. He also spoke rather a lot of overly-defensive balls when Kris Kirk interviewed them for Gay Times in the mid-80s.

David Laws: Coming Out

He seems much more at ease with himself than when he was last a minister. But it must have been traumatic to feel obliged to disclose that he was in a Tory coalition. 
“It was a multiple car crash in a political sense and personal sense. Although funnily enough the last year has been the happiest year of my life. I could be honest about who I was.”
In some ways, he wishes that he had come out as more right-wing than most Tories earlier. “It does simplify life enormously not having secrets. It would have made my life a lot easier and happier — and that of those close to me. But these things are constrained by circumstances. When you have protected your privacy and presented yourself as one particular individual then there never seems to be the perfect time to change that until you are forced to.” 

David Laws, glowingly profiled in The Times.
Some words may have been changed...

Clare Balding: From "Dyke On A Bike" To "National Treasure"

It could be said that 2012 has belonged to two women. Both of them uncommonly fond of dogs and horses. Both on the television quite a bit, most noticeably during the Diamond Jubilee and the Olympics, but neither much given to either a) histrionics, or b) high-maintenance hairdos. Both well acquainted with the eccentricities of the British upper class, and the going in the 2.30 at Sandown... 

Hilariously fawning piece in The Times - Clare Balding, National Treasure.
Strangely neglects to mention the Press Complaints Commission upheld her complaint after Sunday Times' writer AA Gill called her "a dyke".

PS Clare has been elevated to "national treasure" status in the last few weeks by The Daily Mail, The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, The Independent, Mumsnet and Radio Times. I think it's as vacuous a phrase as "gay icon". Can't be arsed to post links, so Google it.

PPS 'OLYMPICS host Clare Balding has revealed she thought she was a DOG as a kid – and even wore a collar in the house.' The Sun. You couldn't make it up etc etc.

The Times: Good News

To Yorkshire, where my annual Pray Your Gay Away Day is held to convert inverts and perverts back to the L--d’s grace. Unaccountably, the lure of free coffee and an electro-shock booth designed to release poor sinners from an unholy attachment to soft furnishings is completely unattended.
Following the biblical laws of our father Adam, I blame Mrs Dr Rick, in charge of publicity, for this blow to the finances of the Church of the Eternal Verities plc. “The woman tempted me and I did eat,” Adam told G-d, proving for all time that a woman’s place is in the wrong....

The Times.
Satire!
The latest installment/sermon of The Good News Of Dr Rick.
'This month, our very own sage of the South, Dr Rick Sanitorium, takes a weekend break in God’s own country. Er, Yorkshire' 
Be even funnier if evangelical Christians weren't still actually doing this.