Chris Bryant: Pants

Labour MP for Chris Bryant MP [sic] was in his usual self-deprecating form at a Spectator debate about the Leveson inquiry on Wednesday night, joking with the audience over his appearance in the tabloids in a photo taken of him from a gay dating site in his underpants. To fellow panellist Richard Littlejohn he had nothing but thanks. Littlejohn, so Bryant tells it, featured him in his Daily Mail column no fewer than "eight times" and had thoughtfully used that same "very charming photo" of him in his underwear. "It's great," Bryant joked, "it increased my majority in Rhondda Valley." Bryant said he hadn't made a single complaint about the photo in the nine years since it was published, nor about its repeated use. But there was one small thing that did upset him, he said, and that was the publication of his address. He explained that subsequent to this he had a phone call one night. The conversation went like this: "Hi, my name is Colin, and I'm very submissive and I'm outside your door." "Well fuck off then," said Bryant. To which the caller apparently replied: "I'm not that submissive." But there was a serious reason for his anecdote. Bryant had to call the police to get the intruder removed from outside his abode, and that is one of the reasons why he wants "a smidgeon" of regulation to establish the new press regulator. 

The Guardian, Media Monkey.

PS There's something in the above which means a certain gay magazine could get sued, see if you can spot it...

Research: The Gays Are Happier! Everything Is Brilliant! Official!!!

A study out of merry olde England shows that heterosexual men are going through it * compared to their homosexual counterparts.
And it finally answers the question; "So you're gay. Big deal - any happier?" 
Published Monday in Pseudo-Scientific Paid-for Quarterly 6. III, this study was one of the first to examine stress levels between out gays and closeted gays while waiting at bus-stops, Fagburn can reveal.
We here at Fagburn love to reprint bogus surveys like this as if they somehow prove or show anything, when they actually prove fuck all.  
Beats working.
17 men and women from Lymeswold, with an average age of 22, were recruited for the study to determine how much gays, openly out gay guy gays and that that be not be either, experienced stress and anxiety while waiting at bus-stops.
Researcher Phillip Adams' told Fagburn; "I just went and talked to the first few people I saw at the bus-stop, basically."
The gays were like that, but a bit more so. 
"Then I asked them how happy they were - on a scale of Samuel Beckett to the Chuckle Brothers - and, then, asked them if they liked bumsex."
"Most of them said; 'Piss off!'"
"Whatever... Piece of piss," he said.  
Adam is hoping to work this into a doctorate. 
"If there's a message to come out of all this," Phillip told Fagburn, "it's that it gets better."
"Or, if not, there'll be another one along in a bit."

* Ed. Is that what they say? If not, add something like "twerkin' girl!" or whatever the gays say nowadays.

UPDATE: Soon after this was published we learned Phillip Adams had realised the utter futility of his existence and killed himself.
Our thoughts are with his family and his slutty boyfriend at this difficult time.

The Sun: Dear Deirdre (Continued...)

The Sun, obvs.

Will this poor lad's photo stock library anguished teen gay misery never end???
[Leans on kitchen top, sighs...]
Still, you can't beat the classics...

The Times: Gay Revolt

It's late.
I'm tired.
This is daft.
Manana...

Update: It's probably not happening anyway...

Marriage: The Cost Of Loving

Surge in gay marriage could boost UK economy by £18m a year

A surge in gay marriages could boost Britain’s ailing economy by up to £18million in a year, ministers stressed today.
They predicted that the introduction of same-sex weddings could lead to 3,000 more unions on top of the 6,000 civil partnerships a year.
The Government estimates that these extra ceremonies could each lead to an additional £4,750 spending in the economy, on average, or £14.4million in total.
Hoteliers, florists, caterers and gift shops are expected to benefit.
Thousands of same sex couples are also expected to convert their civil partnerships into marriages, which a “conservative” analysis says may deliver a £3million injection to the economy.
Officials also believe that same sex couples from countries without gay marriage, particularly European nations, may head across the Channel to tie the knot once it is brought in here.
Mayor of London Boris Johnson said: “Marriage should be open to all, regardless of sexuality.
“I have no doubt marriage equality is of benefit to our economy, and that in itself is a good thing."

Evening Standard.

Oh, there is an itsy bitsy teenie weenie bit of small print a little later on, though...

"Given the difficulties in correctly identifying the potential financial benefits from gay marriage, a government impact assessment put them at between £100,000 and £18.6million."

Genius!
And so good of you to narrow it down.
So it could just be worth £100,000?
What's £18.5million between friends?
I do like the moral obscenity of thinking about marriage equality in financial terms, and arguing for it as it "could boost Britain's ailing economy", which is measured in trillions and trillions and trillions, by the billy way.
Still, great news for the florist community!
What was it Oscar said; "A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing."

PS Today's cake topper illustration is from the Standard, and shows an enchanting groom and groom combo who appear to be made of marzipan - and presumably solid gold, to help bring the wedding costs up to that magic and in-no-way-plucked-from-the-ether £4,750 figure. 
Anything left over can go on coke and whores.  

Israel: Getting Away With It

Rupert Murdoch has apologised for a "grotesque, offensive cartoon" printed in the Sunday Times that has led to complaints of anti-Semitism.

The cartoon, by Gerald Scarfe, appears to depict Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu building a brick wall containing the blood and limbs of Palestinians.
It has the text: "Israeli elections. Will cementing peace continue?"
The Board of Deputies of British Jews said it had complained to the Press Complaints Commission...
BBC News.

A Lib-Dem MP who accused "the Jews" in Israel of "inflicting atrocities on Palestinians" has received a letter of censure by the party.

Bradford East MP David Ward later apologised and said he had been "trying to make clear that everybody needs to learn the lessons of the Holocaust".
He had made his comments ahead of Holocaust Memorial Day, on Sunday.
The letter was the "equivalent of a yellow card", a party spokesman said.
Mr Ward received the written warning at a meeting with party whips, after the party "condemned" his "use of language", on Friday...
BBC News.

Can any other state behave so terribly and claim to be beyond criticism?
Build a racist wall - may we say nothing?
Draw a cartoon about the wall - total shitstorm. 
Yay.

Scouts: Scouting For All Boys?

The Boy Scouts of America is close to ending its ban on openly gay members and Scout leaders, the organisation announced on Monday.
The move would represent a major shift for the movement and comes amid condemnation over its existing policy. The Scouts have faced criticism from president Barack Obama over its decades-long gay ban, while sponsors, including pharmaceutical giant Merck, have pulled funding citing its discrimination.
According to NBC, which broke the news, an announcement could come as soon as next week. The new policy would leave local organizations free to decide for themselves whether to admit gay Scouts...

The Guardian. 

Obviously I'm only really running this story so I've got an excuse to run the adorable special gay scout badges above...

William, Detox & Vicki Vox: Boy Is A Bottom

Hahaha! - as they say on that internet.

PS Fagburn reserves the right to claim he never liked this in a few days time. 

BBC News: Paris Match

Dear Mr Smith

Reference CAS-1871451-TCP4WD

Thanks for your correspondence regarding BBC Radio 4’s News Bulletin at 21:00 broadcast on 14 January 2013.

We understand that you’re unhappy because you felt was too much news coverage of the anti-gay marriage protest in Paris, and not enough coverage of the march in Paris last month in favour of gay marriage.
The BBC has an obligation to be impartial, independent and accurate.
Choosing the stories to include in our bulletins; the order in which they appear and the length of time devoted to them is a subjective matter and one which we know not every listener will feel we get right every time.

Factors such as whether it is news that has just come in and needs immediate coverage, how unusual the story is and how much national interest there is in the subject matter will all play a part in deciding the level of coverage and where it falls within a bulletin.

We'd like to assure you that your feedback has been registered on our audience log. This is a daily report of audience feedback that's made available to many BBC staff, including members of the BBC Executive Board, Radio 4 news editors, channel controllers and other senior managers.
The audience logs are seen as important documents that can help shape decisions about future programming and content.
Thanks again for taking the time to contact us.
Kind Regards
Michael Cheung
BBC Complaints
www.bbc.co.uk/complaints

Here's the reply to a complaint I made to the BBC the other week. 
There was a pro-gay marriage march in Paris yesterday - numbers are estimated at between 125,000-400,000.*
BBC Radio 4 News did mention it on the 9pm news - albeit very briefly, and informing listeners the anti-march was much bigger.
Unless my ears blinked, the item had been dropped by the 10pm news bulletin.
It did not make the BBC1 10 O'clock News, nor the front page of BBC News Online - though the anti-gay one was thought so important it was the third story.
There is a short video hidden away on the BBC website - note it claims "tens of thousands" demonstrated, though states with precision "340,000 people" were on the anti one. 
Please let me know if you saw this broadcast on BBC News 24.

* Reuters: "Police estimated total attendance at about 125,000, while organizers put the number at 400,000".
Estimating numbers on a large march is a notoriously inexact science.
A police officer once told me they usually guesstimate it by the time it takes to move from point A to point B.
You could get a more accurate figure by studying aerial photographs, if they exist. 

Hello!: Goodbye!

Now I don't care know about you, but there's nothing that fills me with such utter and unadulterated joy as someone offering to show me their new baby photos.

Totem & Taboo: Grindr Remembers The Holocaust

In honour of Holocaust Memorial Day, here is Totem And Taboo - a blog dedicated to documenting those brave gay men who've chosen to remember the millions of people who died by posting a photograph of themselves cavorting around Berlin's Holocaust Memorial as their Grindr profile pic.
Yup, you heard me.
Stay classy, dudes...

In an age when ignorance is more prevalent than ever, Grindr, the latest most addictive gay obsession, has wowed its members in relentlessly promoting the memory of the holocaust. 
While the gay community is being under scrutiny for promoting hedonism and alienation, this tribute seems all the more compelling.

Totem and Taboo, our new blog, asks nothing more but to harness the vibrant blogosphere to Grindr users' innovative manoeuvres to keep the memory alive, fresh and attractive. 
Now, you gals don't just stand and watch! 
Be the change you want to see in the world. 

• Thanks to @McCaineNL.

NEWSFLASH: THIS HAS BECOME A THING!!!

Religious News: Christian Discrimination

Sack teachers who divorce or have gay partners
Archbishop of Westminster backs call to regulate home life of staff at Catholic schools

SENIOR teachers and governors at Catholic schools face the sack if they live with a partner without getting married or if they get divorced.
A new booklet, published by the bishops of England and Wales, says that teachers working in Catholic schools should also not marry divorcees or get married in register offices or in ceremonies which do not meet with the church’s approval.
Critics say that the diktat leaves teachers “uniquely vulnerable to religious discrimination” and that it breaches European equality laws.
The guidance, which has been approved by Vincent Nichols, the Archbishop of Westminster and leader of the church in England and Wales, singles out unmarried people living in “non-chaste” relationships.
It says that senior teachers in “a partnership of intimacy with another person, outside a form of marriage approved by the church...can be removed from office.”
The standards would also apply to junior teachers who aspire to promotion and to people in gay relationships, a spokesman for the Catholic Bishops Conference of England and Wales said.
“The expectation is that [school] leaders and those who aspire to leadership positions will make substantive life choices that are in conformity with the gospel and the teaching of the Catholic church,” said a spokesman... 

The Sunday Times. 
This is so wonderfully shameless in its sheer hypocrisy it's hilarious.
You may want to compare and contrast it to this story in Friday's Telegraph;

Government 'powerless to protect teachers from sack over gay marriage'
Michael Gove fears that the Government could be powerless to stop primary school teachers being sacked for refusing to teach gay marriage, it emerged last night. 

Regular viewers may not be particularly surprised to hear the source for this silly bit of scare-mongering is... Coalition For Marriage!

A Liar's Autobiography: The Life Of Graham

"I gave up medicine and became a raging poof. But no mincing, a butch one with a pipe.” 

Graham Chapman is the cover star of this week's Sunday Times, and the lovable old soak and letch gets a lengthy, affectionate profile inside with contributions from various Pythons.
It's tied-in with the UK release next month of the (mainly animated) documentary/biopic, A Liar’s Autobiography: the Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman.
As the above line may suggest, the fillum's apparently a bit of a mess - though that's probably quite apt - but his racy unreliable memoirs are most entertaining. 

PS I know the article is behind the Murdoch paywall - most libraries let members access this from home for free etc.
Fight da power and support your local library!

The Observer: Rally Round The Flag, Boys

For reasons only known to itself, the Observer Magazine today is splashing with a selection of photos of "the world's most inspirational gay people" from the Out100 list.
Each photograph is captioned by Out magazine's editor-in-chief, Aaron Hicklin.
Hicklin is an occasional contributor to the Observer - here's a gay review of the year they published a year ago.
It's interesting, but as with the Out100 photos, it's mainly about the US and not the UK, and one wonders why this is thought to be of much relevance to British readers.
Or of more import than a homegrown-take on this would be.
I say this not as some Little Englander, of course, but just through a continued bafflement at what some editors consider worthy of inclusion and exclusion.
The Out100 list was published over two months ago, too.
So why is it here now?
Did the Observer Magazine desperately need to fill up a few pages in a hurry? 

PS Interesting the Observer selected the above photo of some US soldiers who got gaymarried. Everyone loves gay soldiers and gay marriage, don't they? Cause heteronormativity and obedience to the state are supercool. Hooray for the good gays!

Independent On Sunday: The Unfunnies

Yet another pathetic cartoon in the IoS from the eternally abysmal The Luvvies by Andrew Birch.
With its apparent allusion to a mythical, hypocritical "Hollywood liberal elite" it could have been scripted by Rush Limbaugh or Richard Littlejohn. 
Is this the best you can do?

Sunday People: Hotel Vacancy

The Sunday People used to be quite a good tabloid, as British tabloids go.
A sister paper to the Mirror, it used to do old-fashioned things like investigative journalism.
Not just silly kiss-and-tell and MP-caught-with-his-pants-down stories, but regularly exposing crooks and villains in business great and small.
Now it's mainly football, babes and showbiz gossip, and all done badly.
Today we are promised an "exclusive" - though the story comes from website Exaro; Paedo Brothel Advertised In Tory Leaflet: Party's gay link to guest house.
In fine, a gay-friendly small hotel in London once advertised in a tiny newsletter published by the Conservative Group For Homosexual Equality. 
In 1982, the owners of Elm Guest House in south London were convicted of running a "disorderly house" - meaning male prostitutes had worked there, basically.
A cynic might ask if there is a hotel in London not regularly visited by prostitutes.
Now, "Operation Fernbridge is investigating claims that boys who were in council care were brought to the Elm to be sexually abused by bigwigs and VIPs.
"It was launched after Labour MP Tom Watson claimed a paedophile ring used top-level connections to dodge justice..."
Such allegations have been doing the rounds via conspiracy theorists, Westminster village gossips and the wilder shores of the internet for decades.
Big names are invariably dropped - and are also invariably dead; Blunt, Heath, Cyril Smith, your funny uncle Tom Cobley and all...
The People teases readers with a blind list; "Among the names are two former Conservative Cabinet ministers and four other senior Tories.
"There is also a Labour MP, a prominent Irish republican and a leading National Front member.
"Others on the handwritten note are two members of the royal household – one a former Buckingham Palace employee – plus the owner of a multinational company and two pop stars."
They are terrible accusations - and they are only accusations at the moment - though tragically it wouldn't be surprising if it turns out children from a care home were being systematically sexually abused, and the establishment drew ranks to look after their own.
But this advert is hardly a smoking gun. 

Britain's Got Talent: Situation

“Britain’s Got Talent is like a gay sitcom this year. There’s David and Simon who are a couple, then me and Amanda Holden who are TV wives. That’s exactly what it is.

“So much is said that is too risky for the main show, especially from David. It is such a shame we don’t do a BGT out-takes show that goes out after the watershed.

“The tone has got lower and lower this year thanks to David."

Alesha Dixon quoted in the Daily Star Sunday - so bum knows if she really said it. 

PS The Star also tells us David Walliams is "flamboyant", yet "married". Thanks for that...

PPS On reflection, I'm not sure why I posted this, it's pretty boring, isn't it?

Pulp: After You

This is the new Pulp single.
It is produced by James Murphy.
There is no video as yet, and you're meant to buy it off that iTunes on Monday.
Nostalgic fun for well-past-it post-hipsters! 
Losing my edge?
Moi!!?
PS And here is LCD Soundsystem's Dance Yrself Clean "re-imagined" with some Muppets in Brighton. And why not?

Ivan Massow: Photo Opportunity

“I think the majority of the party are on board on gay marriage,” he told The Independent at his London home. “But it’s totemic and it’s a fight.”

“I was adviser to the party leader and George Osborne was the speech writer, so I was telling George what to write for William,” he recalled, with a chuckle at the irony. For a brief spell in the 1990s he shared a London flat with Nick Boles, now the planning minister, who is also openly gay, and Michael Gove, now the Education Secretary.
Mr Massow’s political views had always been at odds with his position as a gay rights advocate...
He clashed with traditionalists over the notorious Section 28 of the Local Government Act, which blocked the promotion of homosexuality in state schools, and in 2000 dramatically defected to Labour.
“In order to bring about the change I thought was necessary, I felt I had to leave,” he said. “I paid the price though. I’ve been completely quiet for almost eight years now while I’ve seen all my friends ascend to the front bench … or become Prime Minister.”
His resignation highlighted a crisis of identity within the Tories – one that many felt was reconciled when a young, socially progressive, pro-gay politician called David Cameron became leader. “Everyone at the time accused me of being a contradiction but now those contradictions are mainstay – being gay and a Tory is just taken for granted,” Mr Massow said.
In his view there is only one more “baby step” left for the party – gay marriage. “Bringing the Tory Party over these hurdles is all I’ve ever wanted to do. The reason why, in 1999, William Hague decided to stand me next to Margaret Thatcher at the party conference was to show that the party was moving in this direction. The work started that day.” 

Hilarious "It's all about me" interview with the awful Ivan Massow in the Independent. 
Funny, I always got the impression Nick Boles wrote Massow's scripts.
Anyone who recalls him on Question Time may have thought he was as politically illiterate and incoherent as Will Young.
Mr Massow is threatening a "return to politics", which seems to mainly involve getting profiled loads in the media once again. *
Yowsah!

* Here he is in the Mail - his natural home?

Fanny & Stella: Brought To The Book

In 1870, two tatty-looking girls were hauled before Bow Street magistrates court and charged with "the abominable crime of buggery". After a night in the cells, with wigs slipping and stubble poking through, it was pretty clear to the packed and panting courtroom that the two tarts were actually young men. Their names, according to the charge sheet, were Ernest Boulton and Frederick Park. To their friends they were Stella and Fanny. And in the newspapers, where they now became front-page fixtures, they were known as the He-She Ladies...

Guardian review of Fanny and Stella: The Young Men Who Shocked Victorian England by Neil McKenna.
Spoiler alert: Fanny and Stella were found not guilty, a verdict that was greeted by cheers from the jubilant crowds. This is such a wonderful story - good to see the book getting so much coverage. 

Judge Dredd: Closet

The media don't usually consider comic books newsworthy, but the latest issue of Judge Dredd is everywhere today from The Sun to the Daily Telegraph.
But that's how you get publicity for this moribund form these days - you just add a bit of gay.

Presumably because of the supposed incongruity between an "action hero" and those funny flitty types.
Archie's done it, X-Men, Batman, Spider-Man...
Whoever next?
Walter The Softy?

PS Despite a teasing PR teaser campaign, Dredd doesn't come out - another character does. Cause that's all gay men do in storylines, right, come out? 

Update: The Guardian thought this was all so fascinating they also gave over Monday's tittersome Pass Notes to asking; Is Judge Dredd gay?
Erm... no, he's not, but thanks for asking.

Thought For The Day: Steven Pinker

Perhaps the most extraordinary popular delusion about violence of the past quarter-century is that it is caused by low self-esteem. Self-esteem can be measured, and surveys show that it is the psychopaths, street toughs, bullies, abusive husbands, serial rapists, and hate-crime perpetrators who are off the scale. Psychopaths and other violent people are narcissistic: They think well of themselves not in proportion to their accomplishments but out of a congenital sense of entitlement. When reality intrudes, as it inevitably will, they treat the bad news as a personal affront, and its bearer, who is endangering their fragile reputation, as a malicious slanderer. 

Steven Pinker, The Better Angels Of Our Nature.
Do you work with or know a sociopath - take this simple test.
Can you think of any journalists or activists who tick too many of those boxes?
Basically we live in a cuntocracy, where the worst of people thrive.
I'm currently trying to work this up into an all-encompassing final theory of everything.

Update: By coincidence, the Sunday Telegraph writes about the office psychopath - with a handy checklist. After the great Oliver James' forthcoming book, Office Politics.

Sex Education: What Gay Guys Think About Vaginas

Rylan Clark: Camp X Factor Loser Wins - Cries Like A Girl

He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.

PS Don't get me wrong, I've watched and enjoyed some Big Brother and CBB in the past, and think it's wrong to condemn other people's pleasures; getting angry about a tellybox show like these is a sure sign of clueless apolitical twattery and cultural snobbery.
I just hate Rylan and his terrifyingly bad dye-job.
You do realise this is exactly how Hitler started?

Wilko Johnson: Fantastic Life

"When I went in for the diagnosis and the doctor told me 'You've got cancer' it was quite plain it was an inoperable thing, there was nothing they could do.
"We walked out of there and I felt an elation of spirit. You're walking along and suddenly you're vividly alive. You're looking at the trees and the sky and everything and it's just 'whoah'.
"I am actually a miserable person. I've spent most of my life moping in depressions and things, but this has all lifted...

"I am a feather for each wind that blows and the wind's blowing me this way now. But yet I still retain this marvellous feeling of freedom.

"The things that used to bring me down, or worry me, or annoy me, they don't matter anymore - and that's when you sit thinking 'Wow, why didn't I work this out before? Why didn't I work out before that it's just the moment you're in that matters?'

"Worrying about the future or regretting the past is just a foolish waste of time. Of course we can't all be threatened with imminent death, but it probably takes that to knock a bit of sense into our heads.
"Right now, it's just fantastic - it makes you feel alive. Just walking down the street you really feel alive.
"Every little thing you see, every cold breeze against your face, every brick in the road, you think, 'I'm alive, I'm alive' - I hope I can hang onto that.
"I've had a fantastic life. When I think about the things that have happened to me and the things I've done, I think anybody who asks for more would just be being greedy. I don't wanna be greedy."

Wilko Johnson talking to Radio 4's Front Row.

x

• Wilko Johnson.org

Gay Marriage: I Want More

In the same way that sexism did not die after women secured the right to vote in 1920, and racism persisted after schools were desegregated in 1954, homophobia, which is the real problem I am interested in eradicating, will not end once I gain the right to legally marry a partner of the same sex. Like pulling up a weed from the flower, token victories, though undoubtedly important, can cloud our vision and prevent us from continuing to fight against the root of social systems that make such victories necessary in the first place...

I don't desire to sit upon the stool of marriage because it will make people choosing to live the homophobic lifestyle more comfortable with me. I do not want to be socially celebrated because I am able to fit myself into a historically heterosexual, morally acceptable category. I want to be afforded a place at the sociopolitical table because I, as a human being -- marital status and sexual orientation aside -- deserve that respect. I want LGBTQ people to be recognized as morally equal agents in this world, and not because we suddenly look straighter. Though marriage equality undoubtedly moves us closer to a world free of legalized homophobic discrimination, we must remember that it is exactly that: a step, not a solution. LGBTQ people deserve to be the authors of their unique futures, ones that may coincidentally look similar to the lives of their straight counterparts but that aren't required to do so in order to be legitimate. 

Marriage equality must be one of our goals, but it cannot be our end.

Todd Clayton on Huffpost Gay Voices.
Claiming you're against gay marriage full-stop and saying it's somehow a radical position is just a/political posturing and feigning dissent. 
But we should be thinking beyond marriage. 
Wish HGV would publish more stuff like this.
They do seem to prefer the cliched, sentimental, tokenistic and politically banal.
More typical recent story; What Would Jesus Say About Being Gay?
Who cares?

Marriage: Wish You Weren't Queer

The Catholic Church In England And Wales claim to have printed a million of these postcards - though they're prone to gross exageration about such things.
Stonewall are asking supporters of equal marriage to use that new-fangled email to contact your MP.

Julian Clary: Cool To Be Queer

That's great, thank you.
It's borderline Orientalist - "Those foreigners are at it again..." - and propagates a neo-imperialist hegemonic lie, but you can't have everything. 

PS When I first heard this I thought it was a David Hoyle - of the Divine David fame - production.
But apparently it is not.  
It's a different David.

Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill: Be It Enacted By The Queen's Most Excellent Majesty...

Here's the bill.
No idea how they've managed to spin this out to over fifty pages.
Surely anything you say after "Let's make it legal" means it's not "equal marriage"?
I'll read it and get back to you when I've stopped fine combing my teeth.

PS Today's gay cake topper photo comes from BBC News. You know I think I'm going to miss these if it becomes law...

Update: Here's an excellent critique of the bill by Chris Sunderland, Reader In Law And Society at Sunderland University. 

Gay News: Barf Time Again

A gay man, who was openly gay, has died after drowning in a tidal wave of sentimental vomit, Fagburn can reveal.
Although as yet unconfirmed by doctors, who are openly gay, it is thought this may be another teen suicide related to the sheer pukey awfulness of all those It Gets Better videos posted on YouTube.
Doctors say this exercise in vanity and insincerity may have finally pushed him over the edge.
"We just don't understand this," said his friend, Steve, a gay man who is openly, openly gay.
"He seemed really happy with whatever he was given.
"He always liked watching those YouTube videos they post on gay websites where some posh high school kids do one of those unbelievably fucking annoying flashbomb things to a Lady Gaga song, or ones of some hired killers in Afghanistan lipsynching to Call Me Maybe.
"It's not like he didn't see enough photos of rich gaymarried couples having fun in a park with their trophy baby, either.
"Gay wedding dances, people who film their own coming out and post it online - so brave! - he adored them all.
"And those gay soldier dudes who did bumming - he loved them, too.
"This - quite literally - makes no sense."

BBC News: Is It Cause They Are Muslims?

Dear BBC News,

Once again I write to ask why you give some gay-related stories such prominence, and yet ignore others - this video of some twats being rude to someone they think looks gay - is now a lead item on Radio 4 News.
Are the BBC so clueless that they are completely unaware that incidents like this - where young men are picked on, harassed and bullied and worse for being gay or just "looking gay" - happen a thousand times a day, on every street and every school?
Does it only matter and become news if someone posts it on YouTube?
Or - more obviously - is it only a news story because the bullying macho-acting twats are Muslims?
Far be it for me to say you're a bunch of racist dickheads, but I've blogged about this before, and some idiots said; "They're doing what they did to the Jews in Germany in the 30s."
No.
The demonisation of a group of people by people in power - and endlessly portraying those people as somehow uniquely evil and the sole cause of all our problems - is exactly what the Nazis did to the Jews.
With unhilarious consequences...

So fuck off.

Fagburn.

x

PS Most newspapers went big on this - it's essentially a bit of trivia in the grand scheme of homophobia, but hey! It let them flex their "liberal" credentials. Gays. Yay! Muslims. Boo!

Felt: Primitive Painters

Oh you should see my trail of disgrace,
it's enough to scare the whole human race...

Felt - Primitive Painters.
I often think this is the most perfect record ever made.
But then I often think Lawrence is the greatest pop star ever made.
So what do I know, eh?

Advice: So You've Been Queerbashed...

What's the first thing you do?

1. Go to hospital?

2. Report it to the police?

3. Take a photo of yourself and post it online?

4. Send out a press release (please enclose photo).

• Picture posed by Bruce Weber model.

Any similarity between this blogpost and anyone's recent display of vanity is entirely coincidental.
Gay men get beaten up every day - welcome to the real world.
Yes, it's hell.
We know that.
Ours often go unmarked, unrecorded, and we're left to cry and scream alone - but this one matters because it's the wonderful and important YOU!
As ever: The First Rule Of Fagburn; Run. From. The. Vain!

Luke Campbell: The Naked Truth

GT's latest Naked issue has got quite a bit of coverage.
Here's a commuter-waking page from the Evening Standard asking; 'Why sportsmen are happy to pose for gay magazines'.
A question it doesn't really answer.
Though it does constantly remind us these sportsmen are "straight" - the word is used nine times. 
In a short photocaption in The Sun, they still thought it necessary to tell us Luke Campbell is a "dad-of-two engaged to model Lynsey Kraanen."
Zzzz...

PS Go easy on the slap next time Luke, you look like a painted tart.

Pink News: Send 'Em Back!

If this “gang” want a bunch of EDL thugs turning up harrassing their parents and beating the crap out of them they’re going the right way about it. • Muslim area? Not in the UK. They can jog on back home if they think that ANY part of the UK is a Muslim area. • Get  them out of the country to some primitive, Islamic state such as Saudi Arabia or Iran. • This is a country of supposed tolerance and this intolerance is unacceptable and needs to be stamped out. • I wish these morons would go back to whatever hell hole they came from. They do not believe in Western civilized values and are intolerant of anyone who does not believe as they do. • Thugs need to be put in jail and sent back to the desert. • These anti gay groups who carry out hate crimes, need to be deported back to their own country. • This is no place for anti gay attacks and if they cant respect progressive values and human rights then they should go home! • Deport the filth at once. • I’m afraid we are going to get more of this sort of behaviour from religious nutters what with the influx of more muslim extremists and catholics from Eastern Europe. • I don’t want to sound like a UKIP troll but I am now fully convinved that masses of people who come from countries in which breaking 7th century laws (or advocating for their change) makes you and your life worthless (and often lands you in very hot water) is not the best idea if you want to keep Britain a liberal, secular place. • This was happening in east london 10 years ago when I lived there. I moved out of east london because of muslims. • Re the EDL, you have it wrong. They are not “thugs.” They have their own LGBT division.
https://www.facebook.com/EDL.LGBT.Division You should all join and help them protect you and everyone else.

Pink News Readers' Comments - posted after a news story about a video posted on YouTube which appears to show a group of young men in east London harassing a man for looking gay "in a Muslim area". 
It looks like it's real; two men have now been arrested in connection with this and another video. 
Some Muslims are homophobic, and some agressively so - I understand there are also some white Christians in this country who are also aggressively homophobic.
Some are stupid hate-filled bigots, but, as you can see from the above, so are some gay men.
And young men of all faiths and none, particularly when they're in groups, often act like bullying macho arseholes.
What's just as depressing is that the above comments read like they could have come from a BNP, EDL or Ukip message board - and that it's literally being used as part of an EDL recruitment campaign (I think some even worse ones have been deleted *).
Readers' comments aren't a reliable or representative guide to a website's readership or their beliefs - and whether on the Guardian or Daily Mail sites they tend to attract a disproportionate amount of scary nutters - but Pink News might want to think about if how it reports stories about Islam, Muslims and Arab and/or Muslim countries attracts people like this.

* Comments are moderated and may be deleted after complaints about abuse - PN.

Pornification: Ban This Filth!

Dianne Abbott, pictured recently.

No idea where she's going with this, but the Daily Mail are loving it.
But I guess that's who this sex panic is meant to appeal to.
Those who hate the supposed pornification of our culture might like to count the tits and ass, and bulge shots on Mail Online.
In summary: Sex? Boo!
And please accept our sincerest hypocrisy.

President Obama: You Had A Wet Dream

Coverage of the second inaugural speech by President Obama - Dear Leader of the Free World etc - was so fawning I trust the North Koreans were taking notes.
Gay bloggers and journalists of the knicker-wetting tendency got rather over-excited because... he mentioned The Gays! *

"Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law – for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well."

Later invoking/mentioning-in-passing the Stonewall riots - sans irony - once more we are told that gay liberation now means gay marriage.
Give me a long-term committed relationship recognised by the state, or give me death!
Of course, in the midst of America's "guns, god and gays" kulturkampf this is hardly meaningless.
But do such nice platitudes and rousing rhetoric - essentially a single sentence plus one word - mean we can and must forgive and forget all else Obama has done.
As with David Cameron, support for equal marriage is a "progressive/liberal" totem which covers a multitude of sins.
One of the few party poopers pissing in the punchbowl was The Onion; Obama Begins Inauguration Festivities With Ceremonial Drone Flyover

WASHINGTON—Taking the oath of office for his second term today, President Barack Obama joined thousands of supporters in the nation’s capital for traditional inauguration festivities that included a prayer invocation, a parade along Pennsylvania Avenue, and a ceremonial flyover of three combat drones. “When Obama was being sworn in on the Capitol steps, we could hear the drones screeching by overhead and everyone got really excited,” spectator Andrew Meyers, 34, said as he eagerly trained his eyes on the unmanned aerial vehicles that have taken out several hundred innocent civilians during presidentially authorized strikes in Pakistan and Yemen. “They go by super fast, but luckily there are Jumbotrons all over the National Mall, so nobody missed out. Wait, they’re coming back!” At press time, sources confirmed that inaugural celebrants were enjoying the Jumbotron’s live closed-circuit feed of the still-open prison facility at Guantánamo Bay.

Can only a court jester criticise a king?

PS The Guardian front-page above has a trail for an article about prejudice against the trans community. Presumably part of what could be a long-running mea culpa by the Guardian/Observer post-Burchillgate...

* A selection of comments from American gay pundits. Barftime!

Update: 'Obama selects his causes carefully, politically. It’s good he has, in his own understated way, paid tribute to the Stonewall uprising. I’m sure many thousands are Google-searching that term since the speech, maybe some feeling inspired by what they learn. But as we revisit the Stonewall experience, should we not also recall how the Obama administration arms the police in countries like Saudi Arabia where gays are flogged, lashed or executed? And should we not note that the campaign for gay rights, however important, is no substitute for a campaign to topple U.S. imperialism, the endless source of war?' - Gary Leupp, Counterpunch. Via @howupsetting. x

Update 2: Obama, civil rights is about legislation, not alliteration. Nancy Goldstein, Guardian Cif.

Marriage: C Of E In Sense Of Humour Shock!

Even the Mail saw the funny side - just about...

Michael Winner: 1935-2013

If you've been on Twitter today you'll probably have been sent this many, many times, but it's worth repeating.
Here's Michael Winner on the tragically short-lived Richard Littlejohn Live & Uncut in 1994.

"Well, I'm quite appalled - and very nearly walked out - to be on a British television programme where lesbians are wheeled in for you to make smutty and offensive remarks to. It is an absolutely shameful exhibition of vulgarity directed toward a minority. I think the lesbians have come over with considerable dignity and you've come over as an arsehole."

Well said, dear.
And there I was thinking Michael Winner was a total arsehole.
You live, you learn...

Orwell Day: The Party

Today is the first Orwell Day.
There's a season of programmes starting on Radio 4.
Not sure what we're supposed to do beyond that.
George Orwell was a hero when I was a kid - partly because his were just about the only left-wing books I could find in Chalfont St Peter.
Not sure what I make of him now; Eton-educated, homophobic, state snitch, "a Trotskyist with big feet".
I think I kind of wanted to be him.
Though I knew I'd more likely end up like Winston Smith; alone, poor, embittered, alienated, writing angry streams of rubbish to no-one, crying gin-scented tears while the tobacco falls out of my Victory Cigarettes.
Funny how things turn out.

PS Think I'll read Homage To Catalonia, his only great work that hasn't been hijacked by the right. The fool. I'm not sure many people really listened to Orwell - we all think power-worship and propaganda are things that only other people fall for. While Animal Farm and 1984 are used to psych us up for Hate Week.

Update: Apropos of nothing much The Observer published this essay by Orwell on Oscar Wilde's The Soul Of man Under Socialism. It doesn't mention his disgusting personal life...

Daniel Radcliffe: Horses For Courses

"It's interesting that it's deemed shocking," he told MTV News. "For me, there's something very strange about that because we see straight sex scenes all the time. We've seen gay sex scenes before. I don't know why a gay sex scene should be any more shocking than a straight sex scene. Or both of them are equally un-shocking."
As Radcliffe walked the jam-packed red carpet at the Eccles Theatre on Friday and answered a seemingly unending series of questions about his sex scenes, he wanted to remind everyone that he starred in a Broadway play in which he mutilates horses and stands naked on stage. What's the more provocative performance?
"What weirded me out the most last night was people were asking me all these questions about the gay sex scenes. I was like, 'You know I did Equus?" Radcliffe laughed. "Some people are asking me questions like this is a more shocking subject, which is so strange."

Daniel Radcliffe talking to MTV about his mild bemusement at being asked endless questions at  Sundance about the "gay sex scene/s" in Kill Your Darlings. 
I've never seen a Harry Potter movie - and hope to get through life without ever doing so - but this young Radcliffe fellow does sound like a jolly decent cove.

Update: Spot the slightly mis/leading headline in The Daily Star.

Benjamin Britten: Our Greatest

Britten was homosexual, but in all external respects he comported himself like a respectable tweedy middle-class bachelor of a liberal persuasion. Aside from his stubborn but undoctrinaire pacifism, he was conventional in his habits, manners and dress. Competitive and athletic, he was head boy and Victor Ludorum at school. He drove fast cars fast, played a mean game of tennis and enjoyed freezing seawater dips and hearty roast lunches...
Britten’s one-time assistant Colin Matthews also identified in the composer an unsophisticated reaction to his own sexuality. He never made gay jokes or inferences, nor did he even use the word “gay”; he disliked socialising with gay couples, and was initially aghast at the idea of wearing checked trousers. 

Eh?
From the Telegraph, who are going big on Benjamin Britten's centenary, and are currently serialising Paul Kildea's biography (Its big scoop is a somewhat speculative claim syphilis may have contributed to his death).
It's tricky terrain, as it's nigh on impossible to write about the man - "our greatest composer" - without mentioning that he had a thing about boys, and how the late "national treasure" was a notorious pederast.
As Richard Morrison writes in a thoughtful piece in The Times; "Yet this enormous celebration only compounds an enormous problem for Britten’s champions. Coming so soon after the revelation of the serial child abuse inflicted by Jimmy Savile, it forces them to confront the ugly elephant in the room. The composer himself was, at least technically, a paedophile.
Not a predatory sexual one, perhaps. But a platonic paedophile, certainly. He adored the company of boys."

Here's The Sunday Telegraph's Rupert Christiansen; "His emotional focus was a loving if occasionally scratchy marriage to the tenor Peter Pears, for whom he wrote much of his greatest music, but his life was also marked by a series of intimate relationships with pubescent boys.
This has caused much anxiety among both his admirers and detractors, but as a sensitive study of the matter by John Bridcut recently revealed, these relationships were pseudo-paternal and involved no genital contact. It seems rather that in some respects Britten remained a prep-school boy himself, and that his fondness for other prep-school boys was what modern jargon describes as “being in touch with your inner child”.

Okay. But post-Savilegate, this year expect more of the hysterical tone set out by The Daily Mail; DG's little Britten headache: RICHARD KAY asks whether BBC will acknowledge late composer's obsession with young boys 

• Britten 100 website 

Update: Britten syphilis claims 'ludicrous' - The Guardian. 

Tom Daley: Screaming

Various variations of this screengrab from last night's Splash! were pinged around the virtual world in the last 24 hours.
It's our Tom with Olympic boxer Anthony Ogogo.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Ho ho ho.
I thought it was funny, but it's also rather sad.
And it's ultimately meaningless.

If you looked hard enough you could probably find photos of Fred Phelps that look like he's checking out some hot dude's bulge.
I know I've made jokes about Tom too many times myself, though like most people, I know nothing for sure, except he's clearly screaming.
I wonder if he even knows himself?

I do worry about Tom, now he's become a Saturday teatime TV superstar and is regularly exposing himself - meaning just by being himself - he'll just be the subject of ever more scrutiny and speculation - check Twitter for endless comments just on how he walks and talks.
Such is the power of social media this chatter will inevitably transfer into the papers.
This is the modern world; a virtual world where being in the closet is now virtually impossible.
And PR feeds and pap shots to the press about his possible "girlfriends" will ultimately only make it worse.
It's already seeping in, slow as sludge for now - nudge-nudge wink-wink ho ho ho etc.  
It's usually quite benign good ribbing, who do you think writes celeb mags and tabloid gossip pages? 
It's queens and their courts who think that being gay is almost boringly normal - and that now it's being in the closet that's a little queer. 
While meanwhile the poor boy could be dying inside, silently screaming. 
What a world.

Royal News: Pointless Bill Planned

It's hard to imagine how much of a total and utter fucking fuckwitted fucktard someone would have to be to give a flying fucking fuck about this.
FFS!

Mail On Sunday: From The Message Boards

I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THE C BEEBIES SHOWS AND FIND THEM CREEPY THERE IS SOMETHING VERY ROTTEN AT THE BBC ITS CALLED BRAIN WASHING AND NOT MANY PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON - WHATAWORLD

The government needs to do the right thing and axe the licence fee. We shouldn't be expected to fund the BBC any longer - Archie Andrews

It does make you wonder who is incharge of this network. My daughter and I was also watching this, this morning thank god she's too young to realise - Tyrus 

This is an absolute disgrace! This is obviously some kind of sick joke that someone at the BBC thought was funny, there's no way this can have been done by accident. I think substantial compensation should be paid by the BBC to anyone who saw this - fatherofthree

broken Britain - normal chap

Mail On Sunday.

Before you finally totally lose all faith in humanity, I should point out that many Mail On Sunday posters pointed out the programme was ten years old, and said they thought the Mail was being even more ridiculously hysterical than usual by trying to manufacture a scandal out of this.
The Mail bigged it up with the terrifrying intro; 'It's a total disgrace' says one parent who saw programme this morning.
Sub headline: Tweenies character appears on show dressed as Jimmy Savile.

Erm, is that the same Tweenies character dressed as Jimmy Savile that the Mail published five photos of online - plus a videolink to this paedo-enabling, mind warping and frankly disgusting scene?
And by the way, the glowing tributes to Sir Jim the Mail published when he died are still available on their website. 
Won't somebody please think of the children!?

Update: And how did The Sun address the sheer horror that some little kiddies might have seen a puppet pretending to be Jimmy Savile?
That's right - they put him on Monday's front page!
"I saw that in the newsagents and had to explain it to my daughter, aged 4. Thankfully she didn't know who he was."
I. Give. Up.

Chris Mears: IN GT OMG!!!

Goodness me!
I haven't seen a copy yet, so have absolutely no idea what the delicious Chris says - or if he talks about "that" or "him" - but golly gosh, crumbs and crikey, this is exciting enough for me for now anyway.
On sale next week in all good, middling and so-so newsagents and from your local seedy filth emporium - though hopefully someone will thrust one through my letterbox.
Think I need a lie down now...

PS Future cover star for the next GT Naked issue? 

PPS Okay, so I've complained about fag mags' Naked issues before, but this is the Divine Miss M... So do one! 
If you want consistency buy ready-made Bird's Custard.

The Sun: The Only Gay Teen In The Stock Photo Library

Terribly sad story in The Sun's Dear Deidre today.
That photo just exudes "troubled young gay", doesn't it?
But this poor lad - So brave! etc - has clearly had a whole load of problems down the years.

Here he is last August, when he was bisexual.
Think he could be working on his biceps there.
She likes that vest a lot, doesn't she?

Mind you, just two weeks earlier he was describing himself as gay - and was thus in the hand-on-hip default gayer standing position.
Out of the closet, but alas still trapped in that kitchen. 

And here's the little scamp in June 2009, back when he was a little bit younger and sexually confused.
Hey kid, it gets better!

Wish she'd make up her mind.







I think his problems may have begun in January 2008.
Little does our troubled youth know that five years later on he'll still be so consumed with teenage angst he won't have even started on that recipe.