Me!
Some of my best friends are a bit famous, did I mention them?
Did you know homophobia is a bad thing?
Crumbs!
It make me so angry and sad!
So very sad - much sadder than you, even my bum cries - real tears.
[Loads of wet liberal drivel deleted for reasons of space - Ed.]
Imagine if they said that about black people!
Mind you I think a lot of black people in Africa are a bit funny and don't play by our rules.
Stop UK aid now! [Link to pointless and counterproductive e-petition].
Anyway in conclusion, it's all about ME!!!
• Brilliant. Lots to think about there as ever, Patrick - the greatest gay philosopher of our age. Sorry that our award-winning columnist has been away of late, he tells us he has been playing polo in South Africa with mummy and daddy.
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