Church Of England: Votes To Reject Controversial Same-Sex Marriage Thing That Nobody Else Cares About Anymore

In a shock move yet not shocking a move the more antiquated and pious members of the Church Of England has voted to persist with its reluctance to ban bear baiting, jousting, trepanning, the Industrial Revolution, slavery and flying on the unnatural EasyJet metal winged birds.

'Progress is bad,' said his royal highness the right hon Dr Justin Welby MB.

'Let us not speaketh about this great heresy again for another five years even if peoplle like watching the new-fangled TV and using electricy - the lightness of the devil.'.

'Now if we will you kindly excuse my, I shall now have to go and try and seperate another of my priests from a choirboy with a crowbarr.'

All: 'Praise be.'

'AMEN!' 

Sotto voce: 'I like your hat.'

''Thanks girl, it's Philip Treacy'

Church News: The Number Of The Beast

Dear Christian fool,

I know the meek shall inherit the earth and all that and your Holy Book recommends killing queers, but one must meeekly reply how it also forbids eating shelfish and ladies' not wearing hats in church on Sunday and so on etc.

But have you not noticed how it's also chockful of incest, paedophila, rape, murder, ethnic cleansing, infanticide, and genocide - all in service to you, you imaginary man in the sky.

Think I'll take my lessons in morality from somewhere else, if that's okay with you my love.

I really don't care if you'll let me get married to a fella in your stupid church.

All the best, as ever - from here to eternity

x

Church Of England: Bona

A Church of England theological college has expressed regret after trainee priests held a service in the antiquated gay slang language Polari.

The service at the chapel of Westcott House in Cambridge was to commemorate LGBT history month.

The congregation was told the use of the lexicon was an attempt to "queer the liturgy of evening prayer".

But officials said it had not been authorised and was at variance with the doctrine and teaching of the church.

Polari is thought to have originated in Victorian London but fell out of use as homosexuality began to be decriminalised in England in the 1960s.

Its words, however, were brought to wider public attention in the same decade by comedian Kenneth Williams in the BBC radio series Round the Horne.
'Fantabulosa Fairy'

One person present at the service told BBC News it was led by an ordinand - a trainee priest - rather than a licensed minister.

The congregation was also made up of trainees.

While they had been given permission to hold a service to commemorate LGBT history month, a Church of England source said the college chaplain had not seen the wording of the service.

The translation was based on the Polari bible, a work compiled as a project in 2003 by the self-styled Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

The scripture and liturgy were printed on to an order of service.

An Old Testament reading from the Prophet Joel which says "rend your heart and not your garments, return to the Lord your God" was printed in Polari as "rend your thumping chest and not your frocks - and turn unto the Duchess your Gloria: for she is bona and merciful".

Instead of the traditional "Glory be to the father, and to the son, and the Holy Spirit" the prayer offered was: "Fabeness be to the Auntie, and to the Homie Chavvie, and to the Fantabulosa Fairy".

Services in the Church of England are legally required to be conducted using the church's approved liturgy.

The principal of Westcott House, the Rev Canon Chris Chivers, said the liturgy of the service had not been authorised for use.

He said: "I fully recognise that the contents of the service are at variance with the doctrine and teaching of the Church of England and that is hugely regrettable.

"Inevitably for some members of the house this caused considerable upset and disquiet and I have spoken at length to those involved in organising the service.

"I will be reviewing and tightening the internal mechanisms of the house to ensure this never happens again."

BBC News.

This is exactly like medieval churches only wanting the Bible available in Latin. 

Bishop Eddie Long: Praise Be!

Long took his own advice to heart. He drove a Bentley, travelled in a private jet and lived in a $1.4 million house in Atlanta, where he grew the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church from a few hundred congregants to 25,000 in one of the most affluent African-American suburbs in the country, with millions more watching services on television.

According to an Atlanta Journal-Constitution report from 2005, he established a tax-exempt charity that made $3.1 million in donations from 1997 to 2000 and paid him more than $3 million in salary, benefits and property use. He engaged a tax lawyer who made a video called How to Maximise Your Clergy Salary and Benefits Package. Long was unapologetic...

As well as holding trenchant views on the role of women, Long railed against homosexuality. It was all the more eyebrow-raising, then, when four young men filed lawsuits alleging that Long coerced them into sex. It was claimed that the bishop acted as a spiritual adviser and father figure to them and was generous with gifts, then engaged in sexual acts with them on trips once they reached the age of consent.

Long denied the allegations. “I am not a perfect man but this thing I’m gonna fight,” he told his congregation, to a standing ovation. “I feel like David against Goliath.” In 2011, Long reached an out-of-court settlement with his accusers; the details were not made public. His wife, at first planning to divorce Long, stood by him, but the image of the church and its leader never fully recovered.

The Times.

The notion that homophobes are secretly gay is such a tired old trope, but you know...

Tim Farron: Respect My Rights To Be A Bigoted Twat

Lib Dem leader Tim Farron has insisted critics need to respect his views as a Christian.

Mr Farron said he did not understand why some people found his continued refusal to say whether he believes gay sex is sinful a concern.

Asked if he understood why critics are irked by his repeated reluctance to clarify his stance, Mr Farron told the Press Association: "I think it's a peculiar one....:

Daily Mail.

Archbishop: Gay Sex

Telegraph.

Published without comment.

CofE: Huge

Still don't give a fuck.

Letter Of The Day: Like A Prayer

PRAYING TO BISHOPS FOR LGBTI ACCEPTANCE

To All Members of the House of Bishops.

We are writing to you as married lesbian and gay members of the Church of England. Some of us are clergy; some of us are members of the laity. We are just a few of the many gay and lesbian people in this country who have in the past two years been able to celebrate with families, friends, and in our cases often our local church community, the enriching and life enhancing love we have found in our wives and husbands.

We would like you to know that we will be praying for you as you meet in September as a College of Bishops. Now that the Shared Conversations are at an end it is time for the Church of England to move forward and make clear the commitment to “good disagreement” that was at their heart.

We fully appreciate that the time may not yet be right for a change in the church’s official understanding of marriage. But many in our parishes have already made that move and it is time to respect that a diversity of theology within the church now exists and that there is more than one understanding of what a faithful Christian may believe on these issues.

As you meet to discuss, we seek from you a clear lead that offers a way forward to greater inclusion that will enable those parishes that wish to do so to celebrate the love that we have found in our wives and husbands. We hope for an outcome that will enable those who wish to do so to publicly celebrate where we see God at work in the lives of our congregations without fear and in openness.

We encourage you to be bold, and to be honest about what many of you already believe from your own experience, and to what you know to be increasingly the direction of travel, not just in our Church but in many Churches in this country.

We will always want to see the full inclusion of LGBTI people in the Church, and we will continue to work towards it. We look forward to welcoming a first step in that process and a move away from the harm and hurt that has so often been done in the name of the Church.

Yours in Christ.

Clergy: The Revd Andrew Foreshew-Cain and Stephen Foreshew-Cain, The Revd Richard Haggis and Ricardo Goncalves, The Revd Garry Lawson and Timothy H Wane, The Revd Clive Larson and John Markham, The Revd Paul Collier and Mr Collier, The Revd Canon Jeremy Davies and Simon McEnery, The Revd Geoffrey Thompson and Tony Steeles, The Revd Prof Mark Cobb and Keith Arrowsmith

Laity: Jeremy Timm and Mike Brown, Ruth Wilde and Ellie Wilde, Jack Semple and Ross Griffiths, Paul Jellings and Andrew Carter, Erica Baker and Susan Strong, Karen and Samantha Bregazzi-Jones, Keith Barber and Tim Mills, Simon Dawson and David Mooney

In addition a further seven clergy couples and Readers have indicated their support for this letter whilst wishing to remain anonymous in order to protect themselves, and often their bishops, from attack.

The Sunday Times.

Mother Teresa: Mad Witch Made Saint

In 2002, the Vatican ruled that an Indian woman's stomach tumour had been miraculously cured after prayers to Mother Teresa.

Monica Besra, who lives in a remote village in eastern India, considers Mother Teresa to be like God.

Here is the story of the Roman Catholic nun's first "miracle".

BBC News.

There are no words to explain this epic tomfoolery.

PS Not to be confused with Saint Theresa Of May.

CofE: Reveal

He was threatened to be outed by which Sunday newspaper?

I think they should be outed.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

God is dead.

Church Of England: Big Hug

Justin Welby thinks we should ‘embrace’ who believe being gay is ‘deeply wrong’. But I’m done believing that homophobia is OK in the church because it’s traditional – and since 26 bishops sit in the House of Lords, it’s time to challenge their political commitment to prejudice.

Literally can't be arsed to read this doubtless total twaddle on Independent Voices.

A plague on both your houses.

Church Of England: Good News

Telegraph.

Bye then.

Imagine being so dull you'd get your knickers in a twist over this.

Sake.

Tom Daley: Just Because

A Christian advocacy group has sparked outrage by suggesting Tom Daley's disappointing Olympic performance was due to his sexuality.

Christian Voice, which bills itself as a "lobby group praying for national repentance" took to Twitter after the Plymouth diver failed to qualify for the final of the men's 10 metre diving contest.

The group said: "Turning gay doesn't seem to have done Tom Daley any favours at Rio 2016."

They later added: "And we need to remember that Tom Daley only went gay because he was seduced by an older man."

Plymouth Herald.

Christian Voice is not a 'group' - it's one man, Stephen Green.

Update: Ian Dale confronts the cunty Green on LBC.

Floods: Hate

The Sun.

Church: Grindr

The Archbishop of Dublin has signalled that he wants to permanently remove all clerical students from the seminary system following anonymous allegations of gay sex and misconduct at St Patrick’s College in Maynooth.

Archbishop Diarmuid Martin criticised the full-time training process yesterday and said that students studying for the priesthood were better off “outside the closed, strange world of seminaries”.

He said that while St Patrick’s had a proud tradition “we probably need a different way in the long run.”

He also criticised the “too comfortable” culture of the Co Kildare-based national seminary, in which “breakfast, lunch and dinner” are served to seminarians who have limited contact with other people...

He told RTE’s News At One that he would prefer clerical students to live “in the reality of Dublin life” while travelling to “Maynooth or elsewhere” to learn theology.

“I think a lot more structural reform would be needed,” he added, adding that he was concerned about allegations that some seminarians were using Grindr, a gay dating app. This was inappropriate for anyone preparing for celibate life, he said.

In May The Irish Catholic reported that allegations of a gay culture in the seminary were made in an anonymous letter to Irish bishops. The letter allegedly urged members of the Irish hierarchy to intervene as a matter of urgency to address the complaints made..

The Times. 

The reporting on this story is just a bunch of ex-public school boys sniggering - now on repeat on BBC Radio 4 - it fucking stinks of posh gay dread.

Men going on Grindr hah hah hah! etc.

Cakegate: Tits

Even though I believe Christian nutters should be free not to make gay wedding cakes, this Saturday Night Live sketch amused me.

Easter: Parade

An actor who has played Jesus in traditional Spanish Easter parades for 30 years claims he has been banned from the role because he is gay.

Ramón Fossati was told he could not take part in this Sunday’s parade or any others until 2019 because he exposed a naked shoulder last year and waved his arms in an “ostentatious” manner.

The Junta Mayor de la Semana Santa Marinera, which governs the brotherhoods that stage the parades in Valencia, accused Mr Fossati of “ostentation and parody” because he appeared to bless the crowd. He denied this, insisting he was just raising his arms to acknowledge bystanders.

Easter processions in Spain are governed by strict rules which prevent too much flesh being exposed or any inappropriate religious gestures. Women have been fined for showing their cleavage or wearing dresses above the knee and are generally asked to wear heavy black dresses and a headdress called a mantilla to the parades.

Mr Fossati was fined €300 after last year’s Easter Sunday parade. After he appealed, the fine was reduced to €60 but he was banned for four years by his own brotherhood, Santísimo Cristo del Salvador. “I was not given any reason for the ban,” Mr Fossati said.

“It could be jealousy. Or maybe it was punishment for being gay. But everyone where I live knows my sexual orientation and it is not an issue. I am deeply religious and this is the worst thing that could happen.”

He said that his costume last year had been modelled on traditional religious paintings of Christ and although it originally showed off both his shoulders he had got it altered to show only one in case it was considered too risqué.

The Junta [!] and the brotherhood both declined to comment.

The Times.

Fagburn urges all good Christians to celebrate Easter by getting themselves nailed to a cross, like this plucky Filipino dude pictured above.

Ark Encounter: Not Waving

The Ark Encounter is a water park based on a representation of Noah’s Ark. They are receiving state tax incentives while maintaining their discriminatory hiring practices. Scheduled to open in Williamstown, Kentucky on July 7, 2016, the park celebrates a biblical parable of genocide and incest. While they have a legal right to celebrate their mythology, we find it immoral and highly inappropriate as family entertainment. Help us remind the surrounding community and potential patrons that the biblical story of Noah’s Ark is immoral and should not be encouraged as a family fun day.

They are portraying the story of Noah's Ark as an actual historical event. This is scientifically not possible. Help us raise awareness to this immoral story! Genocide is not a reason to celebrate. Incest is not a reason to profit. When this amusement park opens to entertain children and celebrate genocide and incest, we want to spread awareness by placing our billboards in as many locations as possible.

All funds raised will be used to bring awareness through billboards, social media, etc. Any excess funds will be used to throw our own celebration promoting science and reason on their opening day.

Please give generously via Indiegogo.com

Iain Lee: Flabbergasted

Former BBC presenter Iain Lee said he was “flabbergasted” after the corporation’s trust ruled an interview in which he labelled anti-gay views as bigotry broke its editorial guidelines.

Lee, a former presenter of Channel 4’s The 11 O’Clock Show, left his breakfast slot on BBC Three Counties Radio after the clash with a Christian lawyer and a former prison worker who cited verses from the Bible listing homosexuality as a sin.

Lee told lawyer Libby Powell: “Do you support bigotry? Yes, homophobia is bigotry … People like you break my heart because you’re doing Christianity and religion a real disservice.”

He later told the preacher, who was claiming constructive dismissal at an employment tribunal: “I find the view that being gay is sinful, I find that view completely repugnant and disgraceful.”

The trust’s editorial complaints unit said it was a “serious breach” of the BBC’s editorial guidelines for impartiality. It said Lee “did not show due impartiality” and behaved in an “inappropriately combative manner”.

Lee said on Twitter: “Genuinely, I’m flabbergasted. The report contains examples of where I was wrong. Apart from one line, I kept replying ‘what’s wrong with that?’” ...

Media Guardian.

Fucking ridiculous.

Fagburn usually defends the BBC from its bashers, but this 'Giving bigots airtime unchallenged for 'balance'' is such tosh.

Boxing News: On The Ropes

NIKE has announced it will no longer sponsor Manny Pacquiao after he called homosexuals “worse than animals”.

“It’s common sense,” Pacquiao raved. “Do you see animals mating with the same sex?”

Perhaps not mating, Manny, but my dog Stan has an unusually close relationship with a Mini Schnauzer called Max. They can’t pass each other without a quick sniff of their butts.

Pacquiao issued a feeble apology for his homophobic ravings but the damage is done.

The fighter, who has been a proud champion for the Filipino people, has tarred himself as a small-minded bigot.

What is it with boxing and gay people? First Tyson Fury and now Pacquiao.

Both should be lauded as brave, skilful boxers.

But both are now widely thought of as small-minded idiots who share the prejudices of the Islamic State bigots who throw gays from rooftops.

It is weird that boxing should have this problem – the only sport where half-naked men routinely embrace at the end of a competition.

But the problem is not boxing. The problem is religion.

Both of the boxers who have ranted against homosexuality are committed Christians.

Like Fury before him, Pacquiao reminds us that few human beings are improved by deeply held religious beliefs. 

Tony Parsons, The Sun On Sunday. 

Glad someone pointed out Pacquiao and Fury's homophobia comes from their christianity, and this isn't a boxing thing.

How could it be?

Boxing's almost as gay as diving.

PS Great to see the free speech-hating Pink News has started one of their hysterical, relentless campaigns to have the infidel Pacquiao burnt at the stake (currently filing two (non) stories a day!)