Church News: The Number Of The Beast

Dear Christian fool,

I know the meek shall inherit the earth and all that and your Holy Book recommends killing queers, but one must meeekly reply how it also forbids eating shelfish and ladies' not wearing hats in church on Sunday and so on etc.

But have you not noticed how it's also chockful of incest, paedophila, rape, murder, ethnic cleansing, infanticide, and genocide - all in service to you, you imaginary man in the sky.

Think I'll take my lessons in morality from somewhere else, if that's okay with you my love.

I really don't care if you'll let me get married to a fella in your stupid church.

All the best, as ever - from here to eternity

x

Church News: Kiss Me, Judas

DeviantArt.

A Catholic priest has been fired - for organising gay orgies in which men were asked to re-enact the betrayal of Jesus by Judas Iscariot.

The clergyman, who served in a religious order in Taranto, Italy, was dismissed this week after evidence came to light of his activities – which included sex with gay prostitutes and Christ-based role play.

His seedy behaviour emerged when the man who played the part of Judas betrayed him to church authorities.

Newspaper Corriere del Mezzogiorno reported how a 32-year-old man, from Rovigo, blew the whistle.

He told the paper: "I needed spiritual help… He (the priest) told me my pictures made him excited and asked me to send him an intimate photo.

"He told me that he liked guys, especially young ones, and that he could do everything for them, also help them to buy clothes, mobile phones and recharge costs."

The Diocese confirmed the priest had been relieved of his duties.

Mirror.

I bet the recharge costs thing was the deal breaker.

Why oh why do I never get invited to parties like this?

Was Jesus Gay?: Dunno Really

"Those last words of Jesus would not let me escape. "When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, 'Woman behold your son!' Then he said to the disciple. 'Behold your mother!' And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.""That disciple was John whom Jesus, the gospels affirm, loved in a special way. All the other disciples had fled in fear. Three women but only one man had the courage to go with Jesus to his execution. That man clearly had a unique place in the affection of Jesus. In all classic depictions of the Last Supper, a favourite subject of Christian art, John is next to Jesus, very often his head resting on Jesus's breast. Dying, Jesus asks John to look after his mother and asks his mother to accept John as her son. John takes Mary home. John becomes unmistakably part of Jesus's family.
"Jesus was a Hebrew rabbi. Unusually, he was unmarried. The idea that he had a romantic relationship with Mary Magdalene is the stuff of fiction, based on no biblical evidence. The evidence, on the other hand, that he may have been what we today call gay is very strong. But even gay rights campaigners in the church have been reluctant to suggest it..."

Paul Oestreicher, a chaplain at the University Of Sussex, writing in The Guardian.
Not sure we should take anything in The Bible as gospel (fangyewverymuch I'm here all week) seeing as it says Mr Christ was born to a virgin, could walk on water, turn water into wine, talked to bushes, and bring back the dead - including himself - but anyway...
I've lost count of the number of things I've read saying Our Lord was a total gaylord.
May I suggest Paul visits a library or Googles "Was Jesus gay?" and reads one of the paltry 22,700 articles that brings up.
Still I like the idea of Fred and Shirley Phelps and Stephen Green choking on their spaghetti hoops on reading this.
Why not send them this article? info@christianvoice.org.uk.
The Westboro Baptist Church website is still down after being hacked by those naughty anarchists at Anonymous but you can reach Shirley Phelps at http://www.twitter.com/DearShirley.
Feel free to send them some really filthy hardcore gay porn, too.

Who would Jesus roast?

I'm currently reading the new issue of Sorted, the lads' mag for Christian blokes.

It really has got it all; the footyball, decently clad babes, our Lord Jesus, columnists taking a sideways yet moral look at life...

I highly recommend it.