The Times: Going Underground

I am pretty sure I was hit upon last week, on a train at rush hour. It was a little guy, neatly dressed, and we were both squashed together, holding the same, ahem, pole. We touched hands accidentally at first.
And yet, whenever I moved my hand away from his, up or down the pole, he simply followed it and, in apparent homage to the opening scene of Michael Fassbender’s recent erotic drama Shame, came to rest neatly and gently on top of mine.
This bizarre game lasted for three or four stops until, not quite feeling the vibe, I took my hand away entirely, plunged it deep into my jacket pocket, and spent the rest of the journey swaying and wobbling apologetically into my fellow commuters.
When I told a friend about it later he said I should’ve rammed my wedding ring right into the little guy’s face and shouted, “Check it out, buddy! I’m hetero! And I’ve got kids!” 

Kevin Maher in The Times.
Maher decides that; "When you think about it, getting propositioned by a gay man is something close to a heavy-duty compliment these days."
But then he goes and spoils it all by listing every cliche in the Gay Book.
"They’re usually the best-looking blokes in any room, they’ve mostly got brilliant jobs and immaculate fashion sense (OK, handlebar moustaches and leather chaps not good), and if you work on the theory that a gay man is never going to punch, romantically, below his weight (“pull-a-pig’’ contests are strictly for straights on stag nights) then it’s a serious win-win for your ego when you make the grade ie, for the straight man, “gay-bait’’ is really where you want to be, looks-wise..."
He does end up saying some positive things about gay marriage so, you know, fair do's. 

• Photo via Tubecrush.net