"Gay Vicar Weds Nigerian Toyboy": Readers Explode Across Middle England

Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage.
Of course they do, that's why it said so in that song.
And for the tabloids there are a few other things that are just made to go together.
Like the words "toy" and "boy", and "gay" and "vicar".
Well today the gods must have been smiling, as many papers were able to get all four words into a single headline.
As did - but of course - The Sun; 'Gay Vicar Weds Nigerian Toyboy'.
Bingo! Cue mass outbreak of Little Britain-style Tory Ladies vomiting across Middle England.
And - oh hallelujah - it also touches on two other tabloid obsessions; gay marriage, and there's a hint of "immigration scam".
And - praise be - in tabloid terms this is no ordinary "odd couple", they're not just the same sex, they're from different races and continents and - oh heaven forfend - different generations.
Or as The Daily Mail worded it; 'Gay vicar, 65, to 'marry' Nigerian male model half his age.' (Fagburn can't remember anyone being described as a "male model" since the Jeremy Thorpe trial...)
Good job too - as beyond ticking just about every box that's bound to make a bigot explode, this is more over-the-garden-wall gossip, than a news story.
Rev Colin Coward ("bearded... 65") and Bobby Egbele ("25... a model") aren't actually getting married - they can't.
They're having a civil partnership, but not in Colin's church - they can't do that either.
But they are having a "blessing-type service" in the church afterwards.
And Colin's not saying if the relationship is celibate - cause gay vicars can't do that either.
And if you read the small print in some papers he's not even a practising vicar anymore.
Confusing isn't it?
The Mirror missed the immigration angle, but - predictably - The Express didn't, though surprisingly they didn't milk it; "Bobby, a Nigerian citizen, is in the UK on a holiday visa. The couple are awaiting permission for him to remain in the country from the UK Borders Agency. This is expected to be a formality but the marriage – which means Bobby would become a UK citizen – cannot go ahead until permission is granted."
Fagburn has only seen one media source come right out and say... well; "Of course we all know it's just a sham ceremony so Bobby can get his citizenship papers. You know how those homosexuals are always exploiting marriage laws for immigration purposes."
That was Queerty - and I trust they were being ironic.
The Sun says Colin and Bobby's holy/unholy union has "stunned his flock".
But the only other person they have quoted is the in-no-way barking mad Stephen Green of Christian Voice.
Mr Green thinks the idea is "an abomination before God."
He told The Sun; ""Mr Coward is an emotionally disturbed man trying to inflict his predilections on the rest of the church. I fail to recognise him as a Christian."
Funny. A lot of people say the same thing about Stephen Green.