The Great Abyss, home of the damned, is reportedly inhabited by some 600 million condemned homosexual or transgender souls, a large proportion of its total population, and has by many accounts blossomed into an oasis of gay activism and community events...
“I’ve only been here for a few months, but I’ve already fallen in love with it,” said 49-year-old Daniel Edelson, adding that he has already befriended hundreds of fellow gay men and women in the accursed underworld, all of whom have welcomed him with open arms. “The streets of fire and brimstone are full of so many great cafés, restaurants, bakeries, independent bookstores, and of course plenty of gay bars and clubs. There’s just so much to do.”
Additionally, the Inferno’s Gay Pride Parade, held every July in the Second Circle, is noted for its extravagance and high attendance rate.
Reports confirmed that, with thousands more homosexual souls flooding the Gates of Hell every day, the Chasm of Wickedness and Sin has truly become a sanctuary for gays and lesbians alike, a feeling proudly shared by a majority of heterosexual locals...
In stark contrast to Hell’s ongoing embrace of persecuted groups, sources confirmed that Heaven remains the most bigoted and intolerant place in the universe.
The Onion.
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