1. Artistic shots of trees
Nothing conveys the gay psyche like a bleak sky glimpsed through a
dizzying rush of distant poplars – the type gay boys stare at longingly
from the homophobic inferno of the school bus. It's fairly cheap and
easy to capture, too: best shot from a moving Peugeot 207, with the
camera balanced on the sill of a half-opened side window.
2. The ironing mother
She is angsty, sombre, frayed, yet just a tiny bit fabulous. Think of a fat Joan Rivers cast in a John Osborne play. She's probably 30th in line to being the next Sheila hancock. She needs to be watching a massively crap chat show or a feckless daytime TV quiz. She should shout at the TV as if it can hear her and she will definitely shout at her gay son when he comes in from school.At first, her dialogue revolves around
schoolwork, nagging her son to wear a bike helmet and complaining about
his (erotically shot, of course) piles of dirty socks. Later, she will
ask if he's gay, then feign shock at the answer. But let's face it,
she's already spotted the cock ring and poppers in his bottom drawer.
And then there's that Eurovision wallchart...
The intro to a smashing, insightful and very funny thing on the Guardian online by Jack Cullen,
The Top 10 Gay Movie Cliches.
It gets better.
The article that is.
Not your life.
That will always be shit.
You're gay, get over it.
Or maybe, you know, make a broody short film about it?
PS That photo has bum-all to do with the article - apart from ironing and general gratuitous pervability (which Jack kinda touches on) - I just wanted an excuse to print it.
My blog, my rules, dudes.
PPS Who the hellzapoppin' irons their underpants?
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