One Direction: Louis, Louis

The One Direction boys headed to Alan Carr's chat show set yesterday to pre-record an interview with the Chatty Man. They talked about kissing, they talked about they talked about string theory** and they talked about the homosexuality rumours that have been thrown at Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson ever since the dawn of day the term Larry Stylinson was coined.
Alan put on his serious face for a moment, and questioned Louis quite intently about why he appears to get so upset about the rumours.
“I just think it’s really degrading towards her," Louis said - presumably talking about his girlfriend, Eleanor Calder, and not just getting confused about his bandmate's gender...

The Mirror's ever hilarious 3am Girls. 
Can't think how those rumours got started, girl.

PS Yup, it's another slow news day. Hey, don't kill the messenger.

Chris Brown: Going Down?

We do love a ridiculous rumour and we do love people getting excited about one too. So, today we’re totally feeling the love, because apparently, according to internet whispers, Chris Brown gave some… um, mouth love, to another man.
Now, for legal reasons we’d like to categorically state that we are not saying this is a fact or indeed that there is any degree of truth in the gossip at all, we are merely reporting what we have seen other users of the World Wide Web chatting about, because that is our job.
It doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to snigger at the same time though...

The Mirror's ever hilarious 3am Girls on top form.
There now appear to be several photos alleging to show Chris Brown at it - all a bit unconvincing, I think (though there have been rumours before).
I won't post any cause this is a family forum, but happy Googling.

Slow News Day: Official!

Do you want to know how desperate they are for stories to fill their papers today?
The kerbrilliant 3am "Girls" summed it up with possibly Fagburn's headline of the year, which accompanied a photo of Victoria Beckham; 'Woman Wears Coat'
They even tagged it 'Slow news day'.
Or how about this for the sound of the showbiz barrel being rudely scraped?
'Why have I got pink headphones on, mummy? Dannii Minogue protects son's ears at X Factor rehearsals'
"She may have his best interests at heart.
"But in years to come, Dannii Minogue's baby boy Ethan may well be cursing his mother for giving him girly pink noise-reducing headphones to wear."
Fagburn guesses his response would be the same as anyone reading this non-story; "Who gives a flying fuck?"
"The X Factor judge took the five-month-old tot along with her to rehearsals ahead of the live show this weekend.
"But while the headphones may have spared his hearing, they certainly won't save his blushes when the family photo album comes out when he reaches his adolescent years.
"Video footage of Dannii holding Ethan and waving his hand to the cameras was played on the X Factor spin-off show the Xtra Factor on ITV2 last night - perfect material to embarrass him in front of his future girlfriend one day."
I'm loving that presumption Ethan Minogue will grow up straight.
Dannii's probably planning to send him to that special school where they turn celebrities' children gay to order.
The journalist did start off hedging her bets; "Ethan may well be cursing his mother for giving him girly-pink noise-reducing headphones..."
The writer of this gripping news story is Georgina Littlejohn, a good advert for how kids may not turn out as their parents intended.
Georgina - as Fagburn never tires of reminding people - is the gays-loving daughter of the Mail's gays-hating star columnist, Richard Littlejohn.
What are the chances of that happening, eh?

One Direction: Lovers In The Backseat

'One Direction are snuggling on the backseat now? That's just taking the mick'

"Are Matt Cardle and One Direction attempting to out-cute each other in order to win votes or something?
"First, there were the puppies. Aww!
"Then Matt kidnapped cuddled a baby. Double aww!
"And now the One Direction boys have tweeted this pic of Liam and Zain snuggling in the back of a car. Triple aww! We think... but man, we're confused!
"We know some teenaged boys (not like that) and in our experience, they don't much like cuddling each other. They tend to be a bit stinky and phobic of all touchy-feelyness. With this in mind, we're deeply suspicious of this touching and touchy image.
"And then there's the worrying fact that we're not sure whether we want to tuck them into bed in a motherly way or something more... intimate. Frankly that's not a quandary we feel entirely comfortable with."

Fagburn's most favourite tabloid journalists, the Mirror's wonderfully cynical and saucy 3AM "Girls", see through the (possible) PR and say all that needs to be said. Funny.
And if you're wondering how this might pan out, over on The Sun's website today Westlife's Kian interviews band member Mark and ends with sweetly asking him when he's going to get married... ie to his boyfriend.
Sometimes I forget how fast the world is changing.