Press Briefing: We're Making The News

And in other news today - yes there is some - there's some stuff about The Gays and the news in the news.

A gay bloke has asked another gay bloke to marry him via the front-page of London's Metro!
I thought he sounded a bit flash and creepy when I heard, but apparently he won a competition where the prize was a Metro cover to do what thou wilt with so that's not quite so bad, I suppose.
And if it made some bigot's commute a bit more miserable this morning then it's all good with me.
Apparently, the other gay bloke has said yes.
No, I'm not really bothered either, but in a spirit of fraternal solidarity I hope it all works out better for them than it does for those other two people who've announced their engagement today.

Sir Elton of John will be guest editing a special edition of The Independent (and i!) for World Aids Day!
Bono did this in 2006 and it was predictably pretty wanky, but Fagburn is pressing the pause-button on his cynicism for this one.
When Mr John has contributed to newspapers in the past he's often shown an admirable internationalist perspective, he does get angry about stuff that people should be angry about, and he does have an interesting set of close-personal-showbiz-friends to call on for the other stuff.
Elton also knows some goons like Rush Limbaugh and Eminem, but let's hope for the best.
The Independent claims; "He is said to have already begun planning the special edition of The Independent."
I should ruddy hope so too, he's only got a fortnight.

And finally... just for once Pink News has an item of news that you won't have already read somewhere else ages ago!
"Wanted: A staff writer for PinkNews.co.uk"
Pink News used to be edited/written by Tony Grew - probably the best news journalist the British gay press has ever had.
It is currently edited/written by Jessica Geen - who's hopeless and clueless.
Fagburn sincerely hopes Pink News choose a new Grew this time.

Breaking News: Man To Marry Woman!

Fagburn has only just got round to posting today as he is so unbelievably fucking excited about the announcement that Prince William Of Inbred is to marry Kate Middleclass, a simple peasant girl from a multi-millionaire family.
It's not every day that a man and a woman get married, so Fagburn joins every single person on earth in wishing them every happiness, or at least a bit more happiness than royal couples usually have.
Thank fuck he didn't want to marry a fella.

• As this is clearly the most important event in the history of the world since man first tamed fire, Fagburn may not post again until at least teatime.

Glee: "Kurt Saved My Life"

Chris Colfer (Kurt Hummel) has unequivocally become the heart of the series and, amid a recent flare-up in gay-teen bullying and suicides across the country, one of the most socially important characters on television. Says Colfer: “With all due respect to my castmates, they don’t get the letters like I get — the letters that not only say ‘I’m your biggest fan’ but also ‘Kurt saved my life’ and ‘Kurt doesn’t make me feel alone’ from 7-year-olds in Nebraska. When I was growing up, there wasn’t a character like this. I think what makes Kurt so special is he’s finding himself in front of our eyes.”

Entertainment Weekly pays tribute to the healing power of Chris Colfer, Kurt and Glee.
No link available, the interview continues in comments below...

The Princess Boy: "Look! He is adorable!!!"

There's a lovely piece on a lovely story by Tim Teeman in today's Times; 'Pretty in pink: the princess boy'
"Dyson, 5, wears dresses every day and he loves sparkly tutus. His parents explain why they decided to tell the world."
This has got quite a bit of coverage in the States - some of course wondering why the heck the kid hasn't been seized by social services.
But as there's been so much in the US media recently about gay and effeminate kids killing themselves, you'd think people would applaud and be moved by the acceptance and pride shown by the parents in their son, Dyson.
Would people prefer it if they stuck with tradition and tried to beat it out of him?
Mom has written a childrens book, My Princess Boy - which is being republished by big hitters Simon & Schuster next month.
My favourite quote comes from Dyson's dad.
"Dean, a sports-mad jock dad, whose “man cave” has its own TV and a wall of football jerseys, says that he was bought up to accept people for who they are. “I’ve had other dads say, why are you letting him dress like that? I look right past it. I see the happiness in his eyes. If, later, he looks at the pictures of himself now and says, ‘Dad, I can’t believe I did that but how cool was it that you supported me’, we’ll have won.”
Here's the local TV show that broke the story last month with an interview with the whole Kilodavis family.

Matthew Bourne: Ugly Duckling No More

Yesterday The Sunday Telegraph online accompanied their interview with the choreographer Matthew Bourne - of the nearly all-male Swan Lake fame - with the photo of Matthew looking quite the hipster hotty, above.
Well, the ugly duckling really has blossomed into a beautiful swan!
That has to be the make-over of the year.
Or maybe it's 'er Gaydar pic!
It's actually another Matthew Bourne entirely - the avant garde musician.
Today sadly dull normality has returned with the article accompanied with a photo of your actual Mr Bourne, right.
Or, as he's captioned now, Matthew Boune.
What is it they say about repenting in haste...

Andrew Pierce: "As A Gay Uncle Tom..."

The Daily Mail's Andrew Pierce regularly peppers his columns with the dread words "as a a gay man..."
You just know he's going to follow it with some crowd-pleasing homophobic twaddle.
Today he writes about 'Annie's Insult To Remember'.
"A record 46 million poppies were sold this year. But not everyone joined the spirit of remembrance.
"While promoting her new song on TV’s Strictly Come Dancing last night, Annie ­Lennox, 55, crassly wore a red ribbon (denoting ­solidarity with Aids victims) instead of a poppy.
"As a gay man, you may think I would admire Lennox for wearing an Aids awareness ribbon. I don’t.
Lennox’s new song is called ­Universal Child.
But to our brave Armed Forces, her performance was more like a universal insult."
It's hardly pissing on the Centotaph, is it?
And World Aids Day is two weeks away.
Pierce's pissy little piece is as underhand as would be Fagburn heading this post; "Heartless Andrew Pierce has slammed Annie Lennox for wearing an Aids Ribbon".
But anyway, once you've ceased reeling from Mr Pierce's dazzling wordplay, you might like to ponder why so many gay journalists on the straight press keep going on about how much they don't like anything gay...

Grayson Perry & The Daily Mail: It's War!

After yesterday's outburst against Grayson Perry and the BBC in the Mail On Sunday, Mr Perry is also attacked in Peter McKay's column in today's Mail.
"Cross-dressing potter Grayson Perry rides a pastel pink and blue motorbike around Germany for ten days for a BBC radio show, and is also interviewed on TV by the Corporation’s so-called creative director, Alan Yentob, who flies to Germany to have lunch with him.
"BBC bosses are banking on the fact that anyone who complains this is a gross waste of licence-payers’ money will look humourless, for which there is no known defence."
Although one might conclude that Mr McKay had run out of things to put in his piss-poor column this week, so just recycled 150 words from the Mail On Sunday.
The Daily Star has also recycled the story today;
"BBC bosses have been slammed for sending a cross-dressing artist on a bonkers road trip with his teddy.
"They blew licence payers’ money on a radio show featuring camp Grayson Perry riding around Germany on a customised pink motorbike."
Luckily they published the lovely photo of Grayson above (Edit: It's not that one, their website's playing up - hang on...).
Unluckily the headline reads; 'BBC GAGA! WE PAY FOR ARTIST’S TRIP'.
(It must be terrible when you're subs are so old and out-of-touch they don't even get a reference to Queen's 'Radio Gaga' and change it...)
Here's arguably the moment in June 2008 the Mail first realised "the Turner prize winning transvestite" Grayson Perry was in league with the devil/the BBC; "Sir Robin Day would turn in his grave: Cross-dresser causes fury by appearing on Question Time panel as Little Bo Peep"
But why are the Mail gunning for the great Grayson Perry?
Could it possibly be that the Fall-loving potter has said something rather unflattering about the best newspaper in the world?

The Sun: A Load Of Arse

"A MAN'S bum is the first thing most women look at when eyeing him up, a survey says," The Sun says today.
This is from a poll/press release from a jeans company, so I'm sure it can be trusted.
Even if it conjures up a slightly unlikely image of women constantly contorting themselves so they can sneek a peek at any man they've just met.
Or maybe they accidentally-on-purpose drop their handkerchiefs or something?
Anyway, I digress; "Six in ten girls reckon it is the most attractive part of a fella's bod - while 56 per cent find the eyes most alluring. Then comes the mouth with 22%..."
Hang on - we're up to 128% already.
You do the math/s.

• And in other news; "THIS week The Sun is celebrating 40 fabulous years of Page 3 girls" so it's tits ahoy on their website at the moment.
Whatever happened to the Page 7 Fella? (Makes sad face).

Strictly Come Dancing: Wreckers Of Civilisation

Headline of the week... 'Ann Widdecombe: I won't dance as a transvestite' - The Sunday Telegraph.
I'm sure I don't need to ask you to read on...
"When her dancing partner Anton Du Beke suggested a "Priscilla Queen of the Desert number", the former Home Office minister was initially enthusiastic. Then Miss Widdecombe discovered what Priscilla was about.
"Speaking just before last night's BBC One show, Mr Du Beke explained: "I wanted to do a big camp Priscilla Queen of the Desert number.
"I told her it would be all sequins and head pieces, and she was up for it. I did think to myself 'Actually, I'm not quite sure you know what this is,' but I decided to run with it.
"Then on Thursday she discovered what Priscilla Queen of the Desert was actually about. She just said: 'No. I'm not doing that. It's all about transvestites.' That was the end of the discussion."
One has to admire Ms Widdecombe for sticking to her Christian principles, however barking they may seem - I'm sure there's something about this in the Bible, but I can't be arsed to check.
One may also like to tell her that if a woman wears women's clothes, even sequins and head pieces, then - tecchnically - it's not transvestism.
It is a shame that this evening Strictly saw a flagrant display of perversion when contestant Gavin Henson - a rugby player - "snogged" judge Tony Bonioli, a man and known gayer.
According to the Mail; "Bruno Tonioli meanwhile didn't seem to have quite recovered from Gavin's man love, and as he fanned himself, proclaimed: 'Am I dreaming? Let's do it all over again!"
This - I'm sure regular readers will not need reminding - is how Rome fell.

Grayson Perry: Also Hated By The Daily Mail

Today Grayson Perry joins the best club in the country - "Hated by The Daily Mail".
Brava Grayson, Fagburn as ever salutes you.
But what has he, what has he, what has he done to deserve this?
"The BBC has been attacked for lavishing licence-payers’ money on a bizarre radio programme featuring a cross-dressing artist who has become one of its favourite commentators on Government spending cuts.
"Grayson Perry was paid by Radio 4 to ride round Germany on a customised pink motorcycle with his childhood teddy, called Alan Measles, encased in a shrine on the back.
"Perry, 50, known for his ceramics, has become ubiquitous on the BBC, even appearing on Question Time and Newsnight, where he discussed the Comprehensive Spending Review with Jeremy Paxman."
I hate to break it to the Mail, but making radio programmes is what BBC Radio does.
The article lists 15 BBC radio and TV programmes Mr Perry has appeared on - it makes for chilling reading.
"JUNE 26, 2008: On BBC TV’s Question Time dressed as Bo Peep along with Yvette Cooper, the then Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Dame Pauline Neville-Jones, the Shadow Security spokesman, Chris Huhne, the Liberal Democrat Home Affairs spokesman, and Dame Ann Leslie, the celebrated Daily Mail foreign correspondent."
Grayson Perry has become quite a popular guest on BBC Radio 4 programmes this year - Fagburn suspects this is mainly because he's rather good at doing them.
And shouldn't the Daily Mail be pleased that the BBC puts Mr Perry on the radio, where viewers can not be disgusted by the sight of a man in a frock?

Toast: The TV Dinner Movie

Fagburn would like to be the first to say that he is disappointed by the BBC's adaptation of Nigel Slater's delightful memoir, Toast.
No, of course I haven't seen it.
Slater writes about his feelings about the programme in today's Observer Food Monthly.
Nigel is pictured above with Freddie Highmore, one of two actors playing young master Slater.
But if you love a book as much as I love Toast then isn't the overwhelming feeling about any kind of adaptation that they'll ruin it for you?
Fagburn dearly hopes that when the Beeb makes Toast they keep the book's all-important saltiness and sauce.

AA Gill: Wittering On About Twitter

Today's restaurant review in The Sunday Times by AA Gill is so off-topic - we don't hear mention of the restaurant until over halfway through - that Fagburn wonders if it is Mr Gill's comment on his official rebuke from the Press Complaints Commission over his "dyke on a bike" Clare Balding TV review?
The first few hundred words can only be described as a rant, but also an exercise in navel-applauding that otherwise is - as they say - apropos of nothing.
I think what he's trying to say is that he doesn't give a fuck if people are offended by what he says.
Fair enough, but what the fuck is he saying here?
Gill starts off writing not about food, but (I think) about Twitter; "I don’t do it, not any of it, but I am aware of it. I just choose to abstain.
"Like all contrarians, I have a smug, holier-than-thou superiority, a sort of pitying demi-interest in you doing it. I watch out of the corner of my eye, but I don’t blog, or tweet..."
You may recall Balding began tweeting to voice her anger over Gill's TV review.
Gill goes on; "There is a contest for who can get to the top of the Twitter ratings. It’s like an argumentative X Factor: you can all join in."
Us plebs, he means.
Sadly, it is hard to discern what on Jupiter Mr Gill means in much of the rest of his rant.
A highlight; "You might start with animals: they’re always good. Pop a penguin in a wheelie bin. Penguins are one of the few animals that can be gay, so pop a gay penguin in a wheelie bin."
Quite.
Fagburn wonders if this "restaurant review" was written after Mr Gill had a particularly good lunch?

Organ Donation: Anyone Who Had A Heart

'Brutal reality' of sick transplant patients given the lungs of smokers'
If it's a slightly over hysterical health scare story we must on be Daily Mail Island.
Technically, this one is in The Mail On Sunday, but anyway, what's up non-docs?
"There are around 8,000 people needing an organ donation at any one time and every day three patients die because they do not get one in time.
"As a result, doctors say that most patients would probably accept a 'high risk' or 'marginal' organ as without it they may not survive the year.
"They are also using tissue from those more at risk of carrying HIV and Hepatitis C such as gay men and drug users."
It must be many a Mail reader's worst nightmare.
Would you have a life-saving transplant operation if it meant taking an organ... from A Gay!!??!

• The Mail On Sunday clearly aren't that bothered about the shortage of organ donors, as they don't tell readers how they can register.
You can do it online here.

Daily Star: Every Man And Woman Is A Star

Surprisingly there was nothing for Fagburn to comment on in today's Daily Star Sunday, but I was struck by this delightful photo of Umbrella-singing Rihanna with James Ingham, the Star's celeb gossip columnist, taken backstage at a recording of the Graham Norton Show, no less.
He couldn't look more gay if he had a cock in his mouth.
I expect young Mr Ingham is the sort of chap who often spends his weekends in Vauxhall, don't you?

Mapplethorpe: How's It Hanging In Eastbourne?

"In Eastbourne, 16 miles from my home, the Towner gallery was showing an exhibition of the work of the late American photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. I'm sure the words Eastbourne and Robert Mapplethorpe never co-existed in a sentence before this autumn, but it is to the Towner's credit that it has managed to curate a show that does justice to the photographer's work while acknowledging the fact that Eastbourne is, literally and metaphorically, a very long way from either Greenwich Village or Soho.
"Anyway, there I was on one of my child-free weekends, soaking up the culture, clocking the penises and the Patti Smith portraits, when I spotted a couple of cool-looking mid-30s mums and dads plus their offspring, ranging from babies to not-quite-double-figures, all "enjoying" the Mapplethorpe oeuvre en famille. At which point I felt almost comically middle-aged and reactionary..."

The Guardian's Kathryn Flett ponders a liberal modern parent's dilemma: Is it ever acceptable to expose young children to explicit images in galleries?

In a short accompanying piece The Guardian's art critic, Jonathan Jones, reminds us; "Any cultural encounter can lead to the "inappropriate". When I was 12, we were in Italy on holiday. In Siena cathedral, a priest beckoned my younger sister and showed her the pickled head of St Catherine..."

The Sun: Only Outing Trans People Now

"A FIRE station chief amazed colleagues by changing sex while on holiday," reports an amazed-sounding Sun.
"Paul Canning, 45, returned from a five-week break wearing make-up and a wig, then said: "Call me Jessica from now on."
"Staff were summoned to a meeting by the London Fire Brigade's human resources department and told about the sex swap. They were warned they could be disciplined if they did not refer to their boss in Forest Hill, South London, as "she".
"They were also offered a transgender awareness course..."
Perhaps The Sun should send its journalists on one?
There's been a real change in awareness of trans issues in the last few years, but several papers are still stuck in a mindset where someone being trans is seen as "shocking", usually with an insinuation that it's freakish, disgusting, and/or a joke.
The mere fact that this is a news story is surely transphobic?
Why is this of interest to anyone who doesn't know Jessica Canning?
If she is now living as a woman, shouldn't she be allowed to do so without being outed in a tabloid as trans?
Shouldn't a story like this be reported to the Press Complaints Commission as an invasion of privacy?

Thought For The Day: With Rabbi Lionel Blue

"It was 1955 and Amsterdam was the Greenwich Village of Europe. I don't think I saw daylight while I was there. I said yes to everything and met some extraordinary people. I thought I'd dumped the God business. But I remember sitting in a gay sauna in Amsterdam, thinking, 'What are the 10 commandments of gay life in this situation?'"

Rabbi Lionel Blue interviewed in The Guardian.
Co/incidentally Fagburn once interviewed Rabbi Lionel Blue - I asked if he thought the 10 Commandments could be made more relevant to young people by adding some fashion dos and don'ts at the end.

Simon Amstell: The Dating Game

“My technique with someone I like is basically just hope I run into him again.”
This segues into a story of a summer walk with an unnamed friend, a confident man who strides through life, demanding and winning girls’ phone numbers. When Amstell points to a young man that he fancies, his bold friend approaches, insisting that they join him and his companions for a picnic. Amstell is mortified. “Get his phone number,” the bold friend orders. Squirming, he does. “Call him now and see him tonight,” the friend insists. Amstell, gulping down his fear, “grabs the moment” and, in doing so, gets laid.
“That was Russell Brand,” he tells me and we both fall about giggling. Who else could it be? Russell Brand teaching Simon Amstell how to pull. Don Juan with Prufrock as his wingman. “He showed me how to feel that fear and do it anyway,” he says.

Simon Amstell in The Times.

The Last Judgement: Taking The Michelangelo

'Michelangelo's Last Judgment 'inspired by seedy brothel scenes'' reports The Guardian.
What???
"New study claims artist drew inspiration for Sistine chapel fresco from visits to public baths where male and female prostitutes plied their trade."
"The figures descending to hell and ascending to heaven are inspired by the virile, muscular manual workers and porters Michelangelo would have seen during his visits to the baths, which are well documented," said Elena Lazzarini, a researcher at the University of Pisa and the author of the study. "It was here he defined the build of the working man as the ideal physique."
Really? I feel slightly queasy.
Michelangelo's Last Judgment figures 'based on male prostitutes' embellishes The Telegraph.
This gets worse. Male whores!?
"Elena Lazzarini, a researcher from Pisa University, believes the enormous fresco is replete with homosexual imagery, including a man being dragged into Damnation by his testicles and kisses and embraces between male figures.
"She has explored the theory in a new book, claiming that Michelangelo drew much of his knowledge of male anatomy from his frequent visits to gay brothels and 'Turkish baths' in 16th century Italy."
I would have called them Roman baths, but anyway - at least no-one's called them anything daft like "gay saunas".
'Michelangelo's 'The Last Judgement' was 'inspired by visiting gay saunas'' The Daily Mail.
"'There is documentary evidence that Michelangelo visited these places and it's very likely he drew inspiration for the male form from these saunas which he used in the Last Judgement.'"
So you're just saying it's possible, then?
Michelangelo went to the public baths, as people did then.
And there were naked men there and there are naked men in The Last Judgment.
Erm, wouldn't it have been easier for Michelangelo to use artist's models?
Just a thought.
Art criticism - it's not rock science.

EDIT: A more interesting proposition would be that some of the men or groups of men in The Last Judgment could have been based on scenes from a gay sauna or gay life, as it were - Michelangelo's little but extremely subversive joke.
Have a look at the painting in detail here.

4D Man: Straight Magazines

"Gaz7etta, 4D Man, Bauer Media, confident, individual, not as tribal, metrosexual, new lad, Spurmo, himbo, mandom, retrosexual, ubersexual, pomosexual, menaissance, new man, Danny Dyer, Zoo, Loaded, Maxim, FHM, Magculture, Old Spice, James May's Man Lab, fashion, Fantastic Man, dandyism, Vice, but not look gay, Wallpaper*, Gym Class, Inbetweeners, Manzine..."
Kevin Braddock of Manzine writes rather well in The Guardian about what this new 4D Man actually is, if anything - apart from a way to sell mens' magazines.
Fagburn is still waiting for his free copy of Gaz7etta to turn up. Ho-hum...

Change: "Does Media Fuel Gay Suicide Copy Cats?"

Well dur!
Andrew Belonsky asks on the US liberal website Change.org.
To my knowledge the only article to ask an obvious - and pressing - question.
Readers seem more aware than some journalists - see the comments section after an atrocious short piece about the suicide of Brandon Bitner (pictured).
MediaWise's guidelines for reporting suicides here.

Downton Abbey: Downstairs A Gay (Sorry)

Not that Fagburn is completely out-of-touch or anything, but it has only just come to my attention that in the hysterically well received period drama, Downton Abbey, there was A Gay!
How exciting.
Footman Tommy was played by Rob James-Collier who used to be in Coronation Street or something.
Here he is talking about his new role and kissing a fella and that.
Seeing as the series was set in Edwardian England Fagburn hopes his character did the decent thing and shot himself.

Queerty: ¿Que Pasa?

Here's a story from Queerty.
"A 12-year-old boy in Arizona pulled a knife on his mother for forcing him to dress up in a "gay Justin Bieber" costume."
The link to the story says; "Surprise police said a boy pulled a knife on his mother who refused to let him go trick-or-treating as a "gay Justin Bieber," the singer and teen idol."
Could they have gotten it more wrong?
I used to love Queerty, it's there in my links, but it really has turned to pants.
I think they've lost a really good witty, politically sharp writer and are now just posting anything really fast without checking it.
I've posted some angry Queerty readers' comments about this below.
Your gay media - getting shitter by the day...

Rioting Students Storm Tory HQ!!!!!!!!

"RIOTING students stormed a building housing the Tory party headquarters as a national demonstration against tuition fees descended into violence.
"Hundreds of people were evacuated from Millbank Tower in central London after yobs smashed windows, fought police and set fire to placards," bewails The Sun.
Who I'm only quoting cause they used this delightful photo of a rather fetching young chap with his shirt off.
I think these "yobs" are great.
Particularly this one; "Thug - bare-chested rioter at Milbank Tower."
Rioting is a great English tradition, it's the only time they realise how angry we are.
Fagburn says: More of this kind of thing!
Particularly if he takes his shirt off again.

Kristian Digby: Death By Bizarre Wanking Accident Confirmed

"A BBC television presenter accidentally suffocated himself by tying a bin liner around his head during a solo sex game, an inquest heard yesterday.
"Kristian Digby, 32, host of To Buy or Not To Buy, was discovered by a friend sent by his worried partner Jason Englebrecht.
"A sock was found inside the bin bag, along with a canister of ethyl chloride, taken to boost sexual pleasure, Walthamstow crown court was told", reports The Mirror.
A lesson for us all there, I think.