Justin Bieber: Porn Star

Via Instinct.

The offer to the Biebs of $2 million to make a gay porn film was nothing but a PR stunt, obvs.

Worked though.

PS This would be AMAZING!

Justin Bieber: Too Beautiful

Wow!

Justin Bieber: Penis

I found the 'leaked' photos of Justin's penis rather disappointing, so here's another one.

Justin Bieber: Pink Flamingos

I love this photo too much.

Pink News: Not

This is another fairy story lifted from the idiotic fart fantasy factory New York Post.

Why are gay journalists such gaytards?

SACK JOE WILLIAMS!

Fagburn: Nothing

Today there is no news, so here's a picture of Justin Bieber with a tiger cub.

'We have to file a story in one hour!'

'Make something up about Pokemon Go again?'

'Genius. Pub?'

'Pub.'

Justin Bieber: Baby

He looks even more lovely with his hair cropped, just hope he's not doing a Britney.

Justin Bieber: The Art Of The Penis

Can someone buy me one of these, please?

They're only £7.50.

Thanks. x

Fagburn's Fave Wank Of The Year: The Biebs

Urrgghhh....

Justin Bieber's Penis: Respect

Thank you.

Tweet Of The Day: So Sad

So sad. #JustinBieber lookalike #TobySheldon found dead http://t.co/074VgGibWj pic.twitter.com/CvyRUEOuj8

— Perez Hilton (@PerezHilton) August 26, 2015

To quote Saint Oscar; 'It would take a heart of stone...'

Justin Bieber: What Wouldn't I Give?

Justin Bieber's Instagram.

I would die happy being suffocated by your buttocks.

PS Some top comedy from The Guardian's art critic, Jonathan Jones.

Michelangelo’s David expresses readiness and vigilance. It was hailed when first unveiled as a symbol of the Florentine republic, defying its enemies. David is getting ready to fire a stone at the enemy. He looks ahead with keen eyes. But he is relaxed. From behind, his buttocks hang easy. This mixture of keenness and calm is the kind of pose Greek sculptors first gave to statues of athletes 2,500 years ago.

Bieber is a modern David, pregnant with controlled energy. He appears to be preparing to dive into that blue water ahead of him. He’s keen like David, calm like David. No wonder the fans are excited.

Michelangelo too would be pretty stoked if he saw this.

Justin Bieber Watch: Sock It To 'Em JB!

'I'm not gay but even if I was that's not an insult'

Instagram video of him kissing a fella.*

Bless.

* His bodyguard said 'you're gay.'

Justin Bieber: Roasted

Kevin Hart:

"Justin has fans in middle school or staying 500 feet away from one."

Ludacris:

"You act so much like a pussy, Ellen [DeGeneres] tried to eat you."

Martha Stewart:

"Sixty million Twitter followers? The only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower."

Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy:

"Justin Bieber is a full-grown man who works and loves and makes things with his hands. He sings to 9-year-olds and his hair is like a gay figure skater."

Snoop Dogg:

"Justin, you're so pretty, when inmates see your mug shot, they swipe right."

Jeff Ross:

"Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she's dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you? Selena Gomez had sex with [you]... proving Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs Americans just won't do."

Justin Bieber:

"What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours."

The best of Billboard's 21 Best Jokes From Justin Bieber's Comedy Central Roast.

Update: Attention Justin fans! Cop a load of this! 

Justin Bieber: Justin's Worst Nightmare

'I wanna stick my pinky in your asshole...'

No comment.

Sam Smith: Bizarre

Tasteful reference to the sinking of the Belgrano there.

Sam Smith is 'special guest editor' of today's Bizarre showbiz column in The Sun!

Well, when I say 'special guest editor', I mean 'had his photo taken with section editor, Dan Wooton', obvs.

Here's our Sam and Dan looking at a computer screen - wonder if it's turned on?

Sam remembers meeting Kim Kardashian; 'I shat my pants'.

Sam says he really likes Justin Bieber's style; 'I LOVE Justin’s pink shoes. I really want them!'

And Sam and Dan take part in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!

Hahaha.

Wonder if they'd like to take part in the Fagburn Can Of Petrol And A Lit Match Challenge?

PS Did you catch Sam's dating do's and don'ts in yesterday's Metro?

BLOCKED!

No offence to people who go on Tinder but I just feel like it’s ruining romance, I really do.

‘We’re losing the art of conversation and being able to go and speak to people and you’re swiping people.

‘From my experience the most beautiful people I’ve been on dates with are the dumbest, so why would I swipe people who are “unattractive” when I could potentially fall in love with them? Stop Tinder and Grindr!’

It would be churlish to point out here that Mr Smith is not exactly much of a looker, is she?

• And here's a boring profile of the witless singer, who no-one actually calls 'the male Adele', in The Observer. He's always been out, y'know...

Dustin Lance Black: 40 Years OLD!

Happy birthday Dustin!

Don't let all the gay haters tell you that you're now ancient and over the hill and past it and practically geriatric and it's high time you settled down with someone your own age.

your close showbiz pal

Fagburn
x

Apropos of nothing, today is also Justin Bieber's DAD'S 40th birthday, worth thinking about, Tom.

PS And best wishes to Prince Philip on his 93rd! Many happy lighthearted racist jokes of the day. Can't be arsed to do the obvious 'who's also going out with a much younger queen' lame gag.

Justin Bieber: A Few Words

Justin
Busted
Lusted
Flustered
Clustered
Dusted
Hustlered
Mustard
Custard
Justice?
Must us?

LEAVE JUSTIN ALONE!

Fagburn: For Justin Bieber

Pray for Justin.
Do not hate him just cause he's pretty.
Thank you.

Breaking: World To End Friday!

As you can see the big news story today is that a young man has been photographed spitting.
Whatever next - a lady has a baby?

PS Top non-story in today's Sun; Gay kingdom has I Am What I Am as its national anthem. About The Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands - which was a joke made ten years ago by some Australian gay activists.