Peter Tatchell: A Day In The Life Of...

Britain's most tiresome tireless gay campaigner reveals all to Fagburn.

I live in a fortress.
Because of the constant death threats and that.
It's tough being me.
Undaunted, I get up and send out a press release about how great I am.
Do some exercises.
Breakfast - a single acorn.
Today I have been mostly writing something about me.
Send article about me.
Phone rings - this happens a couple of times a day - being a saint is such a hassle!
Bit sad only apolitical fucktards seem to like me these days, and gay men on the left think I'm a self-serving wanker, but you do what you can.
Have I told you how much I do?
Lunch - nothing but the lightly drizzled bitter tears of the saints for me.
Radio interview - it's non-stop!
Bermondsey by-election 30th anniversary - asked if me going back in the closet then means I'm a total hypocrite.
Write press release about what I think about something boring.
Send.
Gay Star News have reprinted it - result!
Make up article about how I single-handedly invented the GLF and brought down Stalinism.
Look in the mirror for a bit.
Come to three hours later.
Tell lies about Iran.
Dinner: A lettuce leaf.
Do the Harlem Shake and post it on YouTube - I like to keep up with the fashions.
Prepare talk: 'How My Monstrous Ego And Vanity Killed Gay Activism In Britain - How I turned OutRage and Act-Up into vanity projects'.
Go back to bed, I think it's safe to say I have single-handedly saved the world again.
Already planning tomorrow's article about how great I am.
It's exhausting being a national treasure, you know?
Nighty night.
Phew.