TV Poofs News: 5? 6? 7? 8??!!!

Good evening! Here is the TV Poofs News!
Bong!
Louie Spence - world reknowned journalist and media mogul choreographer and television personality - has been given a regular spot on This Morning
He'll be handing out grooming and fashion [!] tips to students, "homeworkers", seniors and the rapidly-increasing massed ranks of the unemployed.
Hey! Anyone who annoys the fuck out of queer Uncle Tom Andrew Pierce is a friend o' Fagburn's.
Bong!
Don't forget to tune into the first of Jonathan Ross's ITV1 new chat show thing on Saturday.
It's gonna be a whole lot better than his BBC1 one.
That's right, he's given those cunts 4 Poofs & A Piano the push.
Ah, the Poofs - Margarita Pracatan to Wossy's Clive James.
ie Everyone thought they were absolute shit.
Bong!
And finally... Jedward are not gay!!!
I know this cause I read it in the papers.
'Jedward are not gay or autistic, their manager insists' Metro.
Actually their manager didn't say this, their tour manager did in an interview with New! Magazine.
And if someone says something a magazine then it must be true, innit?
New! asked this tour manager/roadie bloke why they seem so shy when talking about their "lovelives" on Celebrity Big Brother?
"They are really shy. I’m sure they do fancy girls but don’t like talking about sex as they’re probably aware that their granny is watching!"
Bless!
But Darryn - the boorish morbidly obese Australian one on Celebrity Big Brother - recently inferred the world reknowned journalists and media moguls lovable Irish singing twins - Jedward & Jedward were A PAIR OF MENTALIST GAYS!
"Darryn was just stirring s***. They’re not gay," insisted one Liam McKenna.
So why haven't they had girlfriends, yet?
Eh? EH!!!!
Is it a mad Christian "No sex til marriage" thing like their brainwashed idols The Jonas Brothers?
Or Sir Cliff Of Richard, for example.
"I don’t know if they’re overly religious, I think it’s just a conscious decision they made. The Jonas Brothers are their idols and they said they didn’t want sex before marriage. I think the boys live their life by these guys."
Of course.
I am literally rooting for them to win.*
Their actual manager, Louis Walsh, was unavailable for comment.
And anyway, Louis Walsh is also really shy and doesn’t like talking about sex in case his granny's watching.

* I am actually. This isn't ironic. I love those two to bits.