Fred Talbot: I Say A Little Prayer For You

The Sun. 

Talbot was convicted of abusing two boys when he was a teacher at Altrincham Grammar School in the 70s.

Private Eye: Watching You

The Eye took a momentary, cursory glance around the internet last week, and in around three minutes discovered the following claims about Phillip Schofield, presenter of ITV's This Morning.
Among other things it is claimed that he is "gay but does not admit it and hides it behind a marriage and 2 kids", had been seen kissing Jason Donvan by "a guy who worked in the entertainment industry in the 80s", is having sex with his sister-in-law, goes dogging, has a superinjunction, is getting divorced and is the subject of "a thick file full of dirt" at The Sun, although the newspaper "aren't using it for whatever reason."
None of this is true. But surely we should have an inquiry into the claims anyway?

Private Eye.

The new issue has - as ever - got much excellent stuff on this and the avalanche of nonsense and hypocrisy it unleashed.

Update: ITV disciplines This Morning, Ofcom to investigate. 

David Cameron: The Other Witch Hunt

There are so many reasons to hate David Cameron - too many to list - so it is beyond depressing that so many people on the left are now getting agitated and animated about something that he didn't actually say and clearly didn't mean.*
And it is beyond irony that this has now turned into a witch hunt itself.
On This Morning, Philip Schofield admitted he had compiled a list of senior gay Tories implicated in a gay underage sex scandal after spending "three minutes" on the internet.
And this is serious research?
And good journalistic practice?
Trustworthy?
And Elvis Presley lives on the Moon?
"But I read it on the internet!"
If I post a lie about you does that make it true?
I have a feeling none of this might not hold up in an actual court of law - that's why we have police investigations and trials and things like that.
There has been an endless avalanche of banal, hysterical tweets today claiming all this shows that David Cameron is a secret homophobe who equates homosexuality with paedophilia.
He quite clearly didn't.
Though some people on Twitter seem rather over-obsessed with saying gay men aren't "paedos".
If anyone's tried to make that connection recently it's been Tom "Tinfoil Hat" Watson MP. 
A man whose vanity and love of conspiracy theories seems to have recently given him a rather cavalier disregard for actual facts, and a belief in fantasists.
Cameron also never used the phrase "gay witch hunt" or "a witch hunt against gay men" - these are media fabrications. 
Though it's obvious the men named/libelled here are mostly, if not all, gay.
So who's actually being homophobic and making that connection?
According to the internet, any gay - in or out - Tory MP was involved in some "secret paedophile ring".
Cause that's what gay men do, obvs - they all rape young boys...
If people are just interested in petty party political point scoring, and are so divorced from the real world and real peoples' actual struggles that they can waste time being pious and desperately trying to find homophobia where it doesn't exist, then it's no wonder the world is fucked.
Again, there are so many, many reasons to hate David Cameron, but this is clearly not one of them.
Forget this ridiculous sideshow, move on, and let's concentrate on getting "Dave" tried for class war crimes.

* It's obvious a wet liberal and noted gay hysteric like Patrick Smugtwit - a man who couldn't see a packet of Cheesy Puffs without crying "homophobia" - would get worked up about this, but Owen Jones really should know better. 

TV Poofs News: 5? 6? 7? 8??!!!

Good evening! Here is the TV Poofs News!
Bong!
Louie Spence - world reknowned journalist and media mogul choreographer and television personality - has been given a regular spot on This Morning
He'll be handing out grooming and fashion [!] tips to students, "homeworkers", seniors and the rapidly-increasing massed ranks of the unemployed.
Hey! Anyone who annoys the fuck out of queer Uncle Tom Andrew Pierce is a friend o' Fagburn's.
Bong!
Don't forget to tune into the first of Jonathan Ross's ITV1 new chat show thing on Saturday.
It's gonna be a whole lot better than his BBC1 one.
That's right, he's given those cunts 4 Poofs & A Piano the push.
Ah, the Poofs - Margarita Pracatan to Wossy's Clive James.
ie Everyone thought they were absolute shit.
Bong!
And finally... Jedward are not gay!!!
I know this cause I read it in the papers.
'Jedward are not gay or autistic, their manager insists' Metro.
Actually their manager didn't say this, their tour manager did in an interview with New! Magazine.
And if someone says something a magazine then it must be true, innit?
New! asked this tour manager/roadie bloke why they seem so shy when talking about their "lovelives" on Celebrity Big Brother?
"They are really shy. I’m sure they do fancy girls but don’t like talking about sex as they’re probably aware that their granny is watching!"
Bless!
But Darryn - the boorish morbidly obese Australian one on Celebrity Big Brother - recently inferred the world reknowned journalists and media moguls lovable Irish singing twins - Jedward & Jedward were A PAIR OF MENTALIST GAYS!
"Darryn was just stirring s***. They’re not gay," insisted one Liam McKenna.
So why haven't they had girlfriends, yet?
Eh? EH!!!!
Is it a mad Christian "No sex til marriage" thing like their brainwashed idols The Jonas Brothers?
Or Sir Cliff Of Richard, for example.
"I don’t know if they’re overly religious, I think it’s just a conscious decision they made. The Jonas Brothers are their idols and they said they didn’t want sex before marriage. I think the boys live their life by these guys."
Of course.
I am literally rooting for them to win.*
Their actual manager, Louis Walsh, was unavailable for comment.
And anyway, Louis Walsh is also really shy and doesn’t like talking about sex in case his granny's watching.

* I am actually. This isn't ironic. I love those two to bits.

EastEnders: The Vortex

"I think EastEnders was the first soap to broadcast a gay kiss about 24, 25 years ago so it's only taken them 25 years to get into the bedroom from the living room... I think that we showed a heterosexual kiss on Monday night between Max and Vanessa that had no complaints, so I think we're right to show a loving, tender relationship within the context of the timeslot... I think Christian and Syed are the most established gay, loving relationship on TV. It wasn't crude, it wasn't over-sexual. It was something that you see every day within a heterosexual relationship and I stand by the decision to do it. [Syed] had just accepted his marriage proposal, so it was a beautiful moment."

Bryan Kirkwood, Executive Producer, Eastenders.
Just to push Fagburn even closer to insanity he was actually discussing this on This Morning this very morning.
Where! Will! This! Media! Vortex! END!!?

• Michael Cashman tweeted today; "25 years ago this month I played EastEnders gay Colin. A first!" (Fagburn thinks "gay Colin" may not have appeared until August 1986. And gay Gordon had come out in Brookside the year before anyway. But let's not split hairs).

Update: The vortex carried on into Thursday's Sun; 'Two in a bed is fine, says Enders chief'
A reader has left the comment;
"to the 125 people that complained you have a button on your remote that you can turn it OFF or turn OVER because the bbc have shown what 2 men in bed dont complain when its 2 women are in bed"
Quite.

The Daily Mail: A Load Of Arse

''Too Much For TV: This Morning hits rock bottom as Louie Spence removes hair from men's bare buttocks live on the show'
The Daily Mail was so appalled by the spectacle of five men getting their cracks waxed by Mr Spence that today they are running five photos of the session on their online version.
Watch it here.
The fun had only just started.
That evening over on Channel 4 the first episode of The Joy Of Teen Sex showed us a girl having a vajazzle, a boy getting a prince albert put in, and young Calvin learnt how to overcome his fear of losing his anal virginity ("I want you to wrap your hand into a little anus...")
Kids today!

Kieron Richardson: Hollyoaks Gayer Is A Gayer

Kieron Richardson came out live on This Morning this morning.
No, me neither.
Apparently he plays a young gayer "struggling with his sexuality" on Hollyoaks, and was in Dancing On Ice recently.
He made a pleasingly matter-of-fact statement about his decision - which also gives a little insight into the workings of the tabloids.
"When I was on Dancing On Ice, newspapers speculated and tried to say we kind of know and if you want to say so, you can do your story with us and get it out there.
"At that point, my personal life took a back step and it was more about the competition and trying to get through the next week rather than get a few column inches in the newspaper and maybe raise my profile at the time. But it wasn't about that.
"But now I feel that it's relevant and the storyline's relevant to some situations in my life then if maybe I can help people that are going through the same thing then it's a bonus."
Good for you.