Damian Barr: Joan Collins & Moi

Damian Barr, author of the inexplicably acclaimed memoir, Maggie & Me: Or How I Learned To Stop Working Classing And Love The Bitch writes a pointless column for The Sunday Times, on posh drinking hostelries.

This week he goes to Claridge's Bar with another right-wing bitch, Dame Joan Collins - and yes, it's every bit as painful as you'd imagine.

“I saw Ivan [Massow] earlier. I’m truly honoured to be considered a gay icon. I love gay men. I’m not saying that in a patronising way. Yes, they have the best taste, but they’re not going to jump on you. I made my first gay friend, Trevor, at Rada, and he was my safe haven. I’ve had a lot of trouble with men.” 

Pass the champagne bucket, Damian, I think I'm going to be sick.