Bushell On The Box: Newsflash Fellas!

SEX Diaries opened with the claim that “ordinary British men are now openly declaring their attraction to women with penises” – the greatest TV lie since Matthew Wright claimed: “I am not a halfwit.”

Trans-dating is the term for men who bed guys who choose to dress as women.

Not to be confused with tramp-dating, that’s hobo-sexual.

Window cleaner Mark had married blonde Brazilian Lorena (32-24-32, and 6 when aroused) but still insisted he was fully heterosexual.

At what point might it seem ever so slightly gay, Mark?

When you’re in her, when she’s in you… or when she takes off her make-up?

Newsflash: fellas, if the woman you’re having sex with is a bloke in a syrup you’re technically as straight as Fifa.

The Daily Star's almost touchingly dimwitted TV critic Mr Garry 'Not Gary' Bushell.