Showbusiness: In The Absence Of News

Roger Moore, who please bear in mind is 88, says that James Bond, who please bear in mind is an entirely fictional character, can not be gay or 'a lady Bond' * A 'really adorable gay couple' (barf!) didn't make it to the X Factor final * Sir Tim Rice makes a completely unconvincing case that the 'baffling lyrics' to Bohemian Rhapsody was 'Freddie's coming out song'; '"I see a little silhouetto of a man” – that’s him, still being haunted by what he’s done, and what he is.'" An interpretation of the next line 'Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?' is sadly omitted * Will 'Nice But Dim' Young says in 2012 he checked into a clinic and was told he had post-fame PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). 'I must admit I am baffled. I thought PTSD was linked to single events — a bomb explosion in Iraq, say, or a car crash,' notes The Times' journalist wrily * Mark Feehily, he was the gay one in Westlife you may just recall, has made his first solo album. He has written some songs about his ex-boyfriends. Expected sales: 27 * Everybody loves 'impish star' Ben Whishaw, 'the delicate frame and gentle voice of... MI6’s resident geek, Q...' * Vincent Price might have been bisexual * Casey Conway, another retired rugby player you've never heard of before is gay, he's now pushing over-priced swimwear * Nobody has a clue who those two gay footballers could be, or indeed if they exist * More boring showiz gossip when we hear it...