Peter Mandelson: Still Creepy After All These Years

'First of all, I'd like to pay tribute to Ed Miliband, useless sack of socialist shite he may have been. You know something Andrew, we could have won this election if only everyone had listened to me. Remember New Labour, they were great, and that was me. I blame the trade unions for picking Ed over his more Blairite and, let's be honest, much better looking brother, David. As for his successor, we don't want a beauty contest, but that young Chuka Umunna chap you had on the show today, when I was watching him I almost lost my deposit!'

Thank you Lord Peter of Mandy, anything else?

'Aspiration, aspiration, aspiration!'

The look of love...

Mark Gatiss: I'm Mandy, Fly Me

“He has this fluting voice and distinctive mannerisms… ‘I’m a fighter, not a quitter’… Quite camp, yet there's something very still and sly about him.” Gatiss mimes Mandelson spooning yogurt into his mouth. “There’s this lovely old clip where he’s eating a yogurt and drops a bit on his tie. He looks down at it and says, ‘Oh,’ holding out the yogurt pot with a monarch’s expectation, just knowing someone will appear to take it. Such a fascinating character. ...

“I’ve always been fascinated by him – that Eighties ’tache, the job title of ‘Minister without Portfolio’. An interviewer once asked him: ‘Peter, why aren’t you the leader of the Labour Party?’ And he says: ‘Well, you have to remember that Gordon and Tony had a head start on me. I didn’t become an MP until 1992. Then when Tony left, of course, it was Gordon’s turn and…’ He lists all these reasons, but it never occurs to him to say, ‘Oh no, I couldn’t.’ He’s obviously thought about it for years. There’s something flouncy about him, too. He resigned when he could’ve hung on and ridden it out but instead he was overdramatic and a bit petulant. I find that an appealing personality trait. He’s not some sort of edifice or monolith or vampire. There’s a lot of humour and pathos in him. If people believed the whole prince of darkness thing, that suited him. If you go to Castle Dracula, you expect Count Dracula to meet you. Yet when you see footage of him talking to people, he’s a really good laugh and bon viveur.”

Gatiss - 'Gay-tiss, he tells me' - interviewed in The Telegraph.

Mark plays Mandy in the Channel 4 drama, Coalition, broadcast on Thursday March 26th.

It's The Arts: With Mark Ravenhill

What were you doing Mummy in the decade before the world hit the biggest economic crisis in almost a century? 

Well, darling, I was learning not to talk and think like a grungy, angry artist but think and act more like New Labour cultural commissars and their friends in the banking sector. 

Mummy, would they be the ones who got us in to the whole mess that I’m going to be dealing with for my whole life time? 

Well, now you put it like that darling, yes I suppose they rather were. 

And you spent a decade trying to be more like them, Mummy? 

Well yes I rather did. 

And wasn’t that a rather stupid thing to do?

Well, not at the time, darling, no; because you see I thought it would get me some funding and then I could build a career path for myself in the creative industries. 

And did that work out for you Mummy? 

Shut up and go a nick a can of beans for your tea.

From Mark's great Inaugural Opening Address Of The Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Full text on Postcards From The Gods - who points out some media reports of this indicate they weren't actually listening to what he actually said.
Surprise!

Stuart Hall: Letter Of The Week

I trust Ed Miliband is taking to heart the advice he is receiving from the Blairite creepy-crawlies whom his lack of leadership, political ideas or strategic intelligence have brought scurrying to the surface. The aim is not to bury but to complete the New Labour project. The realignment of Labour with centre-right neoliberalism is the future. Anyway, it is impossible to distinguish "productive" from "predatory" capitalism. Since shadow ministers do not understand its underlying principles, Labour must embrace, not only the hollowing-out but the winding-up of the welfare state.
And since speedy action is required, he should instruct his MPs and party activists to take to the streets to explain to every social constituency which has suffered from the cuts that they can expect nothing from a Labour government. To support their cause would be "dishonest populism" since the only winners will be "the squeezed middle". He should also try to persuade professors of politics who teach that democracy is some sort of brake on the total rule of society by capital to revise their lecture notes. The death wish is unstoppable.
Stuart Hall
London 


Letter to The Guardian.

• Stuart Hall's totes amazeballs essay 'The March Of The Neoliberals'.

Ed Miliband: It's The Way He Tells 'Em

"I hope you’ve all got your 'Never kissed a Tory' T-shirt'
"There’s a sequel coming out, it’s called 'Never had a Cleggover'.
"Nick Clegg said he’d slept with no more than 30 women. We’ve now got a problem with this T-shirt because he’s screwing the whole country...
"I was supposed to be having dinner with my mum tonight and texted her saying I was going to be at the LGBT dinner. She texted back, 'Why are you at BLT dinner? I’d brought you up to be kosher.' She didn’t quite get the point...
[Harriet Harman said she was given three tips] "‘Get a well-organised campaign, stick to your values and always wear lipstick and heels.’
"The last bit might have gone down better with some people here, but I decided to avoid it."

Ed Miliband quoted in The Mail On Sunday "in an uncharacteristically risque speech designed to appeal to some of Labour’s highest-profile gay supporters last week.
"Despite his nerdy image, Mr Miliband attempted a jokey stand-up comedy routine at the lavish £10,000-a-table equality-themed fundraiser, to the surprise of some guests.
"Labour officials banned the media from witnessing his speech at the champagne ‘Celebration of Equality’ dinner, but The Mail on Sunday has obtained a detailed account of the event from witnesses."
Fagburn thinks a Patrons Table at this year's Celebration of Equality [sic] were a snip at £10,000.

Phil Woolas MP: Good Riddance

So farewell then Phil Woolas MP.
"His 2010 election win was declared void and he was suspended by the Labour party.
"Mr Woolas faces a three-year parliamentary ban after being found guilty of deliberately making false statements about a Lib Dem rival in campaign literature," BBC News reports.
He made "false statements" - ie lies - which pandered to racists for electoral gain.
Woolas was New Labour's Minister for Immigration - so one could argue that his last job also involved pandering to racists for electoral gain.
Woolas also produced election pamphlets accusing the unmarried Lib Dem, Elwyn Watkins, candidate of lying about living in the constituency and making insinuations about his sexuality. Watkins was described as "a single man who lives alone with his mother".
Woolas oversaw the disgusting and indefensible policy that lesbian, gay and trans people seeking asylum in the UK could return to their countries if they were "discreet".
He is a scum egg.
As Woolas returns to life amongst his former constituents in Oldham East and Saddleworth, Fagburn hopes he will be discreet.
And then drop dead.

Peter Mandelson: No Pussyfooting

Peter Mandelson and Evan Davis have just been locking handbags horns over on Radio 4's Today programme.
Well, I wish they had been.
Davis was so gentle with the Princess of Darkness I started wishing that patronising old frump John Humphrys was doing it, so he and Mandelson could have a Miss Rude competition.
Not much to report - of course Mandy had to publish his memoirs so soon after the election, better than re-opening all those old wounds next year, eh?
No, he wouldn't be donating the proceeds to the Labour Party.
I end up only half-listening and thinking about my breakfast.
Then Davis says; "There's only five mentions of Ronaldo."
Eh?
I'm thinking, that Cristiano Ronaldo's a good-looking young chap but why on Jupiter would Mandelson write about the Portugese footballer in his memoirs?
Oh - Reinaldo is the name of Peter's boyfriend!
I'd forgotten all about him - which is probably what Mandelson wants people to do.
Davis says it's evidence of how Mandy doesn't come across as a very well-rounded figure, there's not much sign of a life outside politics.
Peter Mandelson sort of sighs and gives some glib managerial non-reply, which kind of proves the point.
Interview over - opportunity missed.
Evan Davis can't resist signing off with a little catty put down; "The Third Man by Peter Mandelson - salacious gossip and little bits on trade policy."
Perhaps once again any reticence on Mandelson's part was because The Times is going to get all the good stuff?
He has made what Fagburn believes is his first ever public commentary about being gay in a video interview for The Times - I would give a link but it's hidden behind their new paywall.
''I would hate to think that I take a stand because I have one sexuality, or one sexual orientation.
''I think it's important that people should be able to get to the top of politics – or whatever profession they aspire to travel to the top of – irrespective of what they are.
''I think I'm actually quite a good role model for people who, without any fuss or bother, without any self-consciousness or inverse or other discrimination, (are) able to make it in politics, to make it in public life, to make it to the top places in government of our country.
''That shows a lot of people that you don't have to be worried or ashamed or self-conscious. It's your ability that counts. You can be who you are, what you are and still get to the top in Britain.
''I'm rather proud of that. If I've demonstrated that, and provided a role model for that, then I think I've done a service.''
Though never actually coming out and leaning heavily on newspaper bosses and BBC bigwigs to try and ensure that no mention was ever made of his homosexuality showed a certain amount of shame, worry and self-consciousness, don't you think?

Equalities Act: Interview

I had to have an interview.
Just to prove I'm still not quite right in the head.
And apparently I still am.
At the end I got given a sheet of paper telling me they recognise their "legal obligations including those under the Race Relations Act, the Sex Discrimination Act, the Civil Partnership Act, the Equal Pay Act, the Disability Discrimination Act, the part-time and fixed-term workers legislation and the Employment Equality (Sexual Orientation) and (Religion or Belief) Regulations."
I thought these last 13 years haven't been a complete waste of time, really, have they?

Desperately Seeking Asylum

The Labour Campaign for Lesbian, Gay Bisexual and Transgender Rights has issued another double-sided PDF masquerading as a "Labour gay manifesto", this time on international lesbian and gay rights.

As well as the usual hopelessly vague platitudes ("Ban homophobia from our shores"), it also includes some additional stuff that no-one really cares about ("Ensure every British embassy [is] licensed to hold civil partnerships").

Now what would you say if I were to ask what is the most important subject for this manifesto to cover?

Here's a little clue; it begins with an A and rhymes with "osylum".

Now try and guess one subject that it doesn't even pay lip service to.

"Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor,

I'll piss on 'em."

Lou Reed, Dirty Blvd.

Inequality: At last some good news...

Social inequality in Britain is at its worst since 1854.

Well done New Labour!

Labour Manifesto: Unspeakable Acts

It has been reported in some quarters that the Labour Party has issued a "Gay Manifesto".

It hasn't.

An affiliated group, The Labour Campaign for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights has produced a four page PDF that spends almost a whole page listing the four - count 'em - pledges on gay equality that are briefly mentioned in your actual Labour manifesto; implementing the Equality Act, tackling homophobia in schools, outlawing "all forms" of homophobic hatred*, removing pupils' opt-out clause on sex education in schools, and - literally tacked on the end cause the Tories beat them to it - ensuring that anyone convicted of a homosexual offence that has subsequently been decriminalised "will have the opportunity" [emphasis added] to have their name removed from the Sex Offenders Register and the Police National Computer.

On asylum, "gay marriage", and blood donation - not to mention any mention at all of trans people - there is not so much as one word.

And as for Labour's recent record on actually criminalising certain types of pornography, and all kinds of public sex, or the laws against consensual SM?

These appear to be literally unspeakable acts. The new "peccatum illud horrible, inter Christianos non nominandum" - "that horrible crime not to be named among Christians."

* In July 2009 The Lords passed Tory Lord Waddington's amendment allowing "discussion or criticism of sexual conduct or practice" when it can be proved it is not intended to stir up or incite hatred ya da ya da ya da...

Labour Manifesto: A future vague for all

A quick skim through Labour's election manifesto which is published today...
If you thought there might be a few nice fluffy mentions of "the gays" you'd be wrong.
If they are re-elected it says they will "enforce the Equality Act", that means the Labour party supports its own legislation - oh whoopeefuckingdoo!
The only other bit of specific gay relevance I could find was a section stating that; "We support couples who want to get married and for whom marriage offers the best environment to raise children." (Page 43, emphasis added).
Which at present means gay parents are - at best - second best.
Surely the easiest way for Labour to show it has a genuine commitment to gay equality would have been for its manifesto to commit to introducing same-sex marriage if they are re-elected.
Even though it is now legal from Spain to South Africa, in a general election that will be decided by Middle England, for New Labour gay marriage seems to be literally unmentionable, perhaps even unthinkable.

Chris Grayling B&B Row: Big gay nothing?

Yesterday saw a "Big Gay Flashmob" outside the Tories office in Millbank.
Around 400 people were present at the protest, though the media are portraying them as a mere supporting cast for the main attraction... Peter Tatchell.
Same as it ever was.
As has happened a great deal over the last week or so, there was much wailing and gnashing of New Labour teeth over the Shadow Home Secretary, Chris Grayling, saying off the record that Christian owners of a B&B should be allowed to turn away gay couples on "moral grounds".
How strange that this single issue has become a stuck record for New Labour.
You may recall how the last Blair cabinet were so committed to gay equality as an absolute principle that they almost fell apart because of Tony Blair and Ruth Kelly's demand that Catholic adoption agencies should be exempted from equality legislation, and be allowed to refuse to accept lesbian and gay couples as foster parents.
And could it not just possibly be that New Labour are making so much of Grayling's support for Christian Bed & Breakfast owners' "right" to say; "There's no room at the inn", because the goods and services legislation brought in under the Equality Act 2007 was just the only gay rights legislation Gordon Brown voted for?