Brendan O'Neill: In His Own Illogical Words

Congratulations, gay marriage campaigners – you have completely destroyed the meaning of social progress 

Far be it from me to say something so ludicrous that I sound like a right-wing Dave Spart, but everyone who supports gay marriage has now completely destroyed the meaning of social progress.
For ever.
Literally. 
Single-handedly.
Think about it!
Now let's get on with creating my usual quiche lorrainne of convoluted cuntery, controversy and non sequiturs...
Throughout modern history, big, democratic, civil rights leaps forward have had two things in common. First, they were demanded by very large and often very angry sections of the public; and second, it took ages and ages for the political classes to concede to them. And when they did eventually cave in and legislate for the new liberty or opportunity being demanded by the hordes, they tended to do so begrudgingly, often while wearing a sneer.
Born from mass, passionate demands from below and later instituted very reluctantly by those up above – that is the history of socially progressive developments.  
Like the Suffragettes, a bit.
Or the Civil Rights Movement, I didn't like them at the time - sell outs - but AT LEAST WOMEN AND BLACK PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.
And it was a bit like gay liberation, now I come to think about it. 
Which I haven't. 
This bloody gay marriage, though. 
I can't stop writing about it.
See what I did there? 
I've shrunk decades of popular struggle and queer dissent down to what the Tories have done in the last few years. 
Anyway, only the metropolitan elite support gay marriage, basically.
"Elites who hate ordinary people" - oh, sorry that laughable cliche was stuck in a Telegraph laptop, I borrowed off one of the leader writers.  
Anyway, they hate people who hate people that contradict themselves in every other sentence, and whose arguments stand up about as well as a baby giraffe.
Not like all the freethinkers here at the Daily Telegraph, like me and Jeremy and Ollie.
Or maybe I do support it, I've never said.

Looks just like him, eh?

Now, quicker than you can say; "Why do I look nothing like the pics in my byline?", the gay marriage bandwagon has literally shat in the face of every single human being in the world.
Well done, The Gays!

PS Can I get paid now, please? It's got the required number of comments.

Brendan O'Neill - who holds the record for any journalist writing articles against marriage equality.
He blogs for that well-known samizdat leftist propaganda sheet, The Daily Telegraph.
Brendan is the editor of Spiked - funding "unknown"...

* Actual quotes in bold.