"What's it like being you, Richard?” a journalist asked me a couple of years ago. I'd been papped leaving the pub with Prince William and there were a lot of them waiting outside my door next morning.
“It's a bit like being you. Only better.”
That's the opening line to this week's column by Richard Dennen in The Evening Standard.
Truly, some things are beyond satire.
Dennen, a professional upper class gay twit, is already making a name for himself, especially after Popbitch drew attention to the first column by this "quacking and burbling... cock caravan" last week.
Many wondered if it was a Nathan Barley-style parody or piss-take.
No such luck - he really is that posh and that thick (Interesting parlour game; try and make a list of British gay journalists who didn't go to public school).
We may be stuck with the stupid spoilt fucktard for some time.
These days a columnist's success is perversely often measured in angry online comment inches, and Dennen's getting loads.
"Please find another writer to cover gay-orientated topics. Why print this pointless drivel when there are so many serious issues that need addressing?"
"This is some kind of joke, surely? Chris Morris doing a bit on the faddish superficiality of 'the gays'? Because if it's written (and I use that term in the very loosest sense) by someone real, then you've hired the single worst columnist in history."
"I think this has set the cause of gay rights back about 40 years. Anyone who thought gay men were vacuous, stupid and label-obsessed will have had their convictions proved by this absolute plum in the ridiculous hat. And the name-dropping, darling! And the snobbery! 'Two seasons ago I came out'. Jesus Christ. Please go back."
"I can hardly bring myself to believe this is genuine. This is truly the most atrocious piece of writing I have ever seen. And worst of all this article perpetuates the idea that gay men are, as Andrew Thrope says, the most vacuous species on earth. I'm sure there are better individuals out there who could give a far better impression of what it is to be gay than this."
"The sad thing is there are hundreds of young kids out there who'd give their left arms up for a break in journalism. This specimen has obviously had every possible advantage in life, doors automatically opened for him by mummy and daddy and doesn't need this job at all - or deserve it. He can't write - find a young kid who can."
And Fagburn's favourite; "You'd get a better column by throwing a tin of alphabetti spaghetti at the screen."
Richard Dennen writes for Tatler.
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