Thought For The Day: Douglas Coupland

I know a few drag queens, and the thing about drag queens and the Queen is that they’re both very much about power. It always amazes me how people misconstrue drag identities for transvestism. Transvestism is an almost entirely straight thing, where guys want to dress like women yet still have straight sex. Drag queens, on the other hand, are largely about power and creating a vivid powerful persona. A drag persona elevates you out of a world that marginalised you, and hooking up isn’t the end game. Some of the toughest people I know are drag queens, and I’d love to see the Queen having tea with them. She’d have a great time, I think: I see you have a very good tuck. Lemon or cream?

Douglas Coupland, dreaming of the Queen in his always great column in FT Weekend magazine.

PS Fascinating UK media fact: The Financial Times is the only newspaper that has a special two-day weekend edition, along with... the Morning Star.

Pink News: Epic Fail

Pink News has now become its own parody site.

Sake.

Only right-wing people care...

Elton John: Not Waving, But Drowning

Sir Elton John has said he will petition the Queen Elizabeth II to ‘change’ anti-gay laws in Commonwealth countries if necessary.

In an interview with CNBC, the British rocker and his husband, David Furnish, said Britain could use its influence in its former colonies to ‘push a little bit harder’ for LGBTI rights.

‘These laws come from… the Commonwealth,’ John said.

‘These laws can be changed very easily by the Queen saying, “change the law.” I haven’t approached her about that yet.’

Asked whether he would really press the Queen on the matter, John said: ‘If the worst comes to the worst, one has to, yeah.

‘These are old laws from the British Commonwealth [sic], I mean these can be changed. And so the Queen could do that with one wave of her hand.’ ...

Gay Star News.

Eh? 

Erm, are you sure Her Majesty has this magical power, Sir Elton?

My gob is well and truly smacked!

PS But of course, both stories were presented without questioning John's stupid claim. The Pink News story was later edited to read; 'However, Sir Elton may be disappointed to find out that this is not actually the case...'

Stephen Fry: Shamelessly Bourgeois

When asked his response to those in the LGBT community who considered marriage an “antiquated, oppressive” institution, to be overthrown rather than joined, Fry said he was aware of how the campaign for marriage equality in Britain had taken on a “very distinctive, anti-bourgeois, anti-patriarchal sort of attitude” and become tied to a “great raft of issues that you could feel was all somehow opposed to the status quo and the establishment”.

[This is garbled, Fry namechecks the GLF and - bizarrely - the distinctly non-radical Campaign For Homosexual Equality, and meant lesbians and gay men who oppose marriage, obvs. 'The great raft of issues' embraced include 'feminism... Ban The Bomb'! 16 mins in].

However, “the fact that gay people have revealed themselves, some of them like myself, to be shamelessly bourgeois – I apologise to those who thought I’ve sold out but I’m afraid I never really bought in.”

Gaurdian online on this Australian TV interview for ABC News.

He also retells his favourite story - told by a friend of a friend, a royal courtier, no less - about Her Maj The Queen enthusiastically signing in the same-sex marriage bill.

Though I stand to be corrected by Mr Fry's infinite wisdom and inside knowledge, again, this is utter nonsense, she did not literally sign it, but it's clearly a comforting delusion for this arselicker by appointment to the House Of Windsor.

UK: DPRK

Queen Elizabeth: Longest To Reign Over Us

Congrats your Germanic majesticness!

Everything good that's happened in the last 63 years is all thanks to you.

PS The Queen? She's just like Andy Warhol, argues Craig Brown.

Celebrity Big Brother: 'Sake

Daily Star.

But Paul seems quite the hit with Twitter.*

Express.

Metro: LOL!

* NB: Quoting a few tweets may not actually constitute a scientific survey (or journalism).

Queen: Off With Her Head!

Daily Mail.

Little Miss Controversy strikes again!

This is everywhere - Mail Online has already run TWO correctives.

Thought For The Day: David Starkey

Life is good at the moment. I used to be very moody and, to be blunt, I think it was the result of a lack of success and control in my life. But now, by and large, I have been successful, and to a great extent I am in control, so I have become much more equable... far less bad tempered and edgy. My temper now is very much a performance. 

A Life In The Day Of, The Sunday Times magazine.

And if you believe that...

PS We also learn his parents were Quakers! Mind you, so were Richard Nixon's.

Matthew Parris: Our Glorious Queen

Heretic!

Julian Clary: Stay Classy

The Sun.

Stephen Fry Watch: The Queen & !

'It was only last summer that Her Majesty The Queen gave the Royal Assent.'

'When the Queen signed the Royal Assent for the equal marriages act, allowing gay people to marry for the first time, she put it down and said "Well, who’d have thought 62 years ago when I came to the throne, I’d be signing something like this? Isn’t it wonderful?"'

Stephen Fry on The Jonathan Ross Show.

The more reactionary elements of the gay media wet their knickers - while doffing their pink caps - over this one.

No-one noticed the ever-so slight flaw in the story.

Her Maj didn't sign anything cause Royal Assent is not granted by the Queen literally signing a bill!

Tweet Of The Day: Queen's Grindr Nightmare

Tinder and Grindr are a security nightmare for the Queen http://t.co/aEpDB9frHC
— Daily Mail U.K. (@DailyMailUK) October 3, 2014

This non-story is attributed to the usual unnamed sources ie it's probably made-up.

But allusions to a non-existent ROYAL FAMILY GAY SEX SCANDAL! should bump up your internet traffic, eh?

Update: Dear Pink News hack, I'm bored with asking this, but can you tell me what's the point of a gay media if it just lifts stories from a homophobic paper without question? Does it never cross your mind they may have an agenda? When you read a news story, do you ever ask 'Is this true?' What is the point of journalism, to question or just to repeat?

Update 2: Turns out I shouldn't have singled out PN; everyone from Attitude to the The Independent's i100 found this schoolboy snigger fiction irresistible.

Daily Star: Oh Dear

Daily Star.

Queen/queen! Geddit??
Oh hahaha.
But seriously...

Quotes nicked from yesterday's Times.

Alan Turing: That Royal Warrant In Full

For the record, Fagburn thinks this is an important symbolic act, and Turing had a brilliant mind.

Eagle-eyed viewers may spot it's signed by Chris Grayling, not the queen.

And Chris Grayling is a noted homophobe.

Oops!

Mail Online.

PS Who Will Pardon The Government?, Martin Robbins, Guardian Online - one of the few people writing sense about this nonsense.

Marriage: Stupid Queens

The Twittersphere was literally set ablaze this afternoon after the Marriage (Same-Sex Couples) Bill finally became law after being given the Royal Assent.
Gay and straight simpletons tweeted things like "Thanks Queenie!" "LOVE YA LIZ", and "Thanks your majesty for the Royal Assent".
Edwina Currie joined in the almost hysterical over-excitement by tweeting Pink News: “Queen Mum was always supportive of gay rights. ‘lf we didn’t have them as staff, we’d have to go self-service,’ she once said.”
Fagburn's still not quite sure what this has got to do with anything.
And isn't saying someone was "supportive of gay rights" because they had gay servants, as stupid and offensive as saying a plantation owner supported black liberation because he had slaves?
Coincidentally the good ole Queen Mum, like so many royals was unfeasibly right-wing and a notorious racist - but meh, who cares cause she loved the gays so much she let them serve her gin and tonic.

Stonewall's touching contribution...

Update: Patrick Smugtwit celebrates by writing about, err, Patrick Strudwick! Quite astonishing.

Fagburn: An Open Letter To Queen Elizabeth II

Dear your majesty highness, 

So - once again - I note that you have to chosen to snub Tom Daley in your so-called "Birthday Honour's List".
And Britain's greatest living young sportsman - and an inspiration to millions - is left bereft of a gong.
Fagburn can only assume this is due to some sort of clerical error, or maybe you're just getting a bit forgetful in your old age.
I fail to see why you can't just start a special category just for our Tom - OBG.
Order of the Bloomin' Gorgeous.
And, yes, I have seen his "bronze medal"!
Anyway, if this happens again - and I offer this merely as a word of warning about the possible dire consequences of your in/actions - don't be surprised if this nation's troubled youth become increasingly disaffected with your whole royal family pantomime schtick, and start asking to see your stupid posh head, not on a £5 note, but on a guillotine.
Got that, Betty Battenburg, you evil shape-shifting lizard lady?

I remain - for now, at least - your most humble and obedient servant

Fagburn
x

PS Even Adele got one FFS! What for services to the British cake industry?

Patrick Smugtwit: Imagine If She Hadn't Said That About Black People!

It began as a Sunday morning much like any other.
I was "chilling out" by playing my violin, only stopping occasionally to send tweets about myself. 
Then I thought I'd better go and check if there was anything about me in the papers.
Imagine my surprise when in the newsagents I saw the front page of the Mail On Sunday!
'QUEEN FIGHTS FOR GAY RIGHTS'.
My heart quickened somewhat!
Well fancy that! 
Prominent gay rights campaigners like me now have a new straight ally; Her Majesty, the supreme governor of the Church of England, the head of the Commonwealth, the Queen of more than a dozen countries, no less. 
Normally I - Patrick Smugtwit, one-man scourge of homophobia - would not give the Mail my money, but I thought this was such brilliant news that I made an exception.
So imagine my dismay when I got home and read the bloody thing. 
All was not as it seems and the detail was, as it so often is, in the devil. 
Here are the actual facts:
Queen Elizabeth is signing a Commonwealth charter that says;

"We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour, creed, political belief or other grounds."

Hang on a ruddy moment, I thought to myself, this does not actually mention the gays.
The Mail On Sunday's headline was not really true!!!
Imagine if she had not mentioned black people!!!! 
This, I thought with my brilliant mind, was... HOMOPHOBIA!
Why oh why has no-one else noticed this??
I immediately took to Twitter to alert the world. 
"I, Patrick Smugtwit, will not celebrate silence!" I tweeted to my millions of fans. "I will not join those cheering this supposed historic nod in our direction!"
(Due to my legendary modesty I don't usually like to mention this, but I know some people on Twitter who are quite famous, so its true impact can only be guessed at). 
Ha! I bet the Queen is feeling pretty stupid now.
Exhausted, after single-handedly saving the world once more, I returned to my violin. 
Later, while absent-mindedly gazing into the mirror and imagining the deep gratitude of my brothers and sisters in the Commonwealth, yet another of my devastatingly original and profound thoughts struck me.
Perhaps you can't believe everything you read in the papers?  

Mail On Sunday: Millions Of Readers' Brains Explode!

Bet they were conflicted on how to deal with this one.
Via @suttonnick #tomorrowspaperstoday
More in the morning, but brace yourself for an avalanche of tired and unfunny Queen/queens jokes.
Also, please bear in mind as this is the Mail the story may, just possibly, have been slightly distorted...

Update: BREAKING! Queen not joining OutRage shock!
To say the rather mundane MoS story doesn't match the hyperbolic/hyperbollocks headline would be almost as much of an overstatement as... well, as the Mail On Sunday's silly headline.
In fine, she's signing the new Commonwealth charter - a formality, she didn't write it FFS - which doesn't even explicitly mention LGBT people or gay rights.
It apprently reads; ‘We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour, creed, political belief or other grounds.’
But if "other grounds" is being used as a euphemism for sexuality, err, isn't that a bit discriminatory?

Update 2: Astounded by the over-excited comments about this from some gay men on blogs and Twitter etc, like it's the best thing since sliced cock.
Can't believe how grateful some people are for bum-all.

Update 3: This is getting ridiculous. Before long the Twittersphere will have turned this story into 'Queen to sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow with the Gay Men's Chorus...'

NB I could be wrong but as far as I'm thus far aware there is no evidence that references to "sexuality" were omitted so as not to offend Commonwealth countries with anti-gay laws, apart from an unattributed assertion made in the notoriously unreliable Mail - which others appear to have simply repeated.
It could have been taken out by a diplomat or civil servant who thought it might embarrass "her majesty", for example.
It's not something the Foreign & Commonwealth Office would comment on - so where is it from?