Fagburn: An Open Letter To Queen Elizabeth II

Dear your majesty highness, 

So - once again - I note that you have to chosen to snub Tom Daley in your so-called "Birthday Honour's List".
And Britain's greatest living young sportsman - and an inspiration to millions - is left bereft of a gong.
Fagburn can only assume this is due to some sort of clerical error, or maybe you're just getting a bit forgetful in your old age.
I fail to see why you can't just start a special category just for our Tom - OBG.
Order of the Bloomin' Gorgeous.
And, yes, I have seen his "bronze medal"!
Anyway, if this happens again - and I offer this merely as a word of warning about the possible dire consequences of your in/actions - don't be surprised if this nation's troubled youth become increasingly disaffected with your whole royal family pantomime schtick, and start asking to see your stupid posh head, not on a £5 note, but on a guillotine.
Got that, Betty Battenburg, you evil shape-shifting lizard lady?

I remain - for now, at least - your most humble and obedient servant

Fagburn
x

PS Even Adele got one FFS! What for services to the British cake industry?