Showing posts with label Allout. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Allout. Show all posts

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Lush: Soapy Wank

Cosmetics brand, Lush are commemorating Pride season this year with the production of a gold and glittery bar of soap emblazoned with the slogan #GayisOK.

Before you think this is just [a] marketing ploy to help you part with some of your hard-earned LGBT cash, the bar’s launch coincides with a wider #GayisOK awareness-raising campaign that the brand is launching on social media...


Gay Star News.

Another press release masquerading as news, and another PR campaign passing itself off as your actual campaigning.

#GayisOK? Wow, thanks for letting us know.

They will also be donating money to AllOut.org - an American group who have amassed a small fortune by encouraging people to click on silly and at best pointless online petitions.

Lush - because buying ridiculous over-priced toiletries will set us free...

Monday, 10 March 2014

Gayness: Another Victory!

A huge international corporation, NewLookOrangeFuckYouMcSlaves™, has suddenly decided to become a moral agent, Fagburn can exclusively reveal.
Following a campaign by almost 6,000 gay idiots clicking on another stupid petition on AllOut, the company has now done a spectacular volte-face, and will now pretend to care about The Gays.
This was supported by Pink Star News, who filed endless stories about how something bad is bad.
Celebrities who signed up to the campaign included Christopher Biggins, Su Pollard, and Dave Nobody, Conservative local councillor for East Twittery (West).
The company will now no longer be doing something that they weren't actually doing before, a spokeslady has said.
"We shall now try harder to pretend to be nice," she told us.
All the other bad things they do, like using 12 year-old children to work 12-hour days in sweatshops, will however continue.
So everything is now alright for ever.
Because only corporate whores can save us now.
Well done, The Gays!

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Allout: Facts? Meh!


Facts don't matter. And that's the truth! FACT!

If you had a daughter who'd done something you didn't like, would you talk to her, or write a letter and post it online?
Also, why are these "heart-warming" "so brave" etc "letters" always handwritten, does anyone still do that?

PS No, I can't prove this isn't real - just like I can't "prove" god doesn't exist. My point is this has "gone viral" without anyone checking it's real - which is easier and actually possible.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

The Guardian: Another Good Week For Gay Hysteria

WARNING: I WOULDN'T BOTHER READING THIS, IF I WERE YOU. IT'S FAGBURN BEING BORING ABOUT A RATHER BORING ARTICLE! BUT THAT'S KINDA THE POINT... *

Today the Guardian returns to the Russia/Pasta anti-gay Axis of Evil.
Thank you for fearlessly bringing these two subjects to our attention while so many others have been so silent.
In an online article Nancy Goldstein declares; It's Another Bad Week To Be Gay.
Why's that then, Nancy?
"There's been an unusually high volume of international bigotry and bad news to put up with this week."
Unusually high?
Cripes!
What's happened?
You probably haven't heard anything about this, but apparently the boss of some big Italian pasta company said he wants their TV ads to only feature straight families.
Fascist!
It gets worse.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has said they are "convinced that Russia will respect the Olympic charter, which prohibits discrimination of any kind".
Quislings!
And these demonstrate "an unusually high volume of international bigotry"??? [1]
Where on earth have you been?
Fagburn's surprised Nancy Goldstein didn't go for the hysterics' hat-trick and bring in the "offensive" (!) Inflatable Gay Best Friend, but I guess her story was filed too early to cover that great "outrage."
Frankly, I can think of many far worse weeks for us, but do go on...

Nancy: When not grinning she weeps for the world
She begins with that evil spaghetti monster, Guido Barilla, who said something about The Gays that both she and I disagree with.
How fucking dare he not agree with us?!
There has now been - inevitably - a call for a boycott of Barilla pasta, by people so infected with bourgeois consumerism they confuse (not) shopping with political action.
Welcome to the brave new world of gay "passive-activism"; if it makes you feel good, don't do it.
For the more dedicated LGBT inactivist there's an equally inevitable AllOut petition to get Barilla make an advert featuring a gay family." [2]
As ever, the promise of freedom is just a click away.
Should we now not buy anything that doesn't have a token fag in a TV ad?
How much do you feel your life has been diminished - and the forward march of gay liberation halted - by not seeing a gay dude in a stupid TV commercial today?
On a scale of one to fuck-all?
Do our collective queer dreams now aspire to nothing greater than being sold stuff by someone who looks a bit like us?
What a fortunate, wonderful life you must have had if you think this is what oppression looks like.
It's often stressed that Mr Barilla also said he doesn't agree with gay adoption - I wish he did, I wish everyone did, but they don't. [3]
Some people are bigots, get over it!
Again, should we boycott anything and everything made by a company where the CEO has daft outdated reactionary views we don't like?
I can't imagine finding much political common ground with many multi-millionaire company directors.
And how deluded and naive would someone have to be to get angry when they realise corporations aren't moral agents?
Or that their Capo di tutti capi isn't a saint?

Bit of a scoop here - Russia now hangs gay men
As there has been such an absolute avalanche of anti-gay hate this week, Goldstein swiftly moves onto the IOC statement.
Apparently; "Surpassing even Barilla's unique blend of homophobia and cynicism".
Which, seeing as the former was a relatively mild bad thing to say about The Gays, wouldn't be difficult.
She quotes the Olympic Charter, "Any form of discrimination with regard to a country or a person on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic movement".
Adding; "It also compels the IOC to "fight against" and "take action against" what the charter calls "discrimination of any kind" [4].
The IOC seem only to care about discrimination at the actual Olympic games or in sport [5], but could Goldstein give me one example of a host country - future or past - of the Olympic Games or Winter Olympics without "discrimination of any kind" or with a perfect record on human rights?
London 2012 - we didn't have equal marriage, for one boring thing.
Beijing 2008... err, need I go on?
Goldstein also seems blissfully unaware that the Olympic Charter also states;“No kind of demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda is permitted in any Olympic sites, venues or other areas.”( Section 50:3).
The new Russian law outlawing "gay propaganda" is thus rendered irrelevant by this.
Technically, you can't protest about anything anyway - even if it's something as banal as painting your toenails in the colours of the rainbow.
Remember Mexico 68?
She blames Sochi's commercial sponsors; Coca-Cola, McDonald's, Visa, Procter & Gamble...
Presumably if we ask them, or don't buy their junk, these nice big businesses will save us.
We're here, we're queer, and we're not going shopping for your useless crap unless you sponsor Alburquerque Pride! [6]

Why is The Guardian publishing this shit?
Goldstein knows there are other ways to protest, of course.
Strangely, her sole example is a protest at the Metropolitan Opera in New York this week.
The Met's great crime?
The bastards didn't dedicate a performance of Tchaikovsky's Eugene Onegin to Russian LGBTs.
Don't they care???
Inside, an American man shouted at two Russian performers; "Your silence is killing Russian gays!"
What, literally?
This was cruelly ironic, as many US/UK campaigners never listen to what Russian LGBT campaigners say anyway.
eg All those Americans screaming for boycotts, when almost all Russian campaigners say they're pointless and counterproductive.
They are all but invisible, inaudible to the likes of Queer Nation NY and Goldstein. [7]
Because we in the west know what's best for the likes of them.
Orientalism redux!

Oh look! Some actual LGBT Russians campaigning!
There were two protests in Russia last week - far more important, meaningful, brave and inspiring than shouting in front of some wealthy Americans.
How much coverage did you see in the news?
There was some about a protest by Nikolai Alexseyev - partly because he always press releases the international media - photos of self attached (remind you of anyone?).
The protest in Moscow against homophobia in schools was completely ignored.
But then their aims were communicating with their fellow Russians, making connections with other struggles, and challenging the authorities - not the real heavy-lifting of getting their name and picture in the New York Times.
Goldstein does conclude by mourning the death of the Russian gay campaigner, Aleksei Davydov. [8]
I'm ashamed to say the name hadn't registered with me, probably because he was an unperson in the western media when he was alive.
Yet he is now brought back to life after death by those who have all of a sudden realised Russia does bad things to the gays.
The readers' comments after this article are - as ever - as depressing as fudge.
Backwards bastards! Boycott! Ban! Boo hoo! Squish squish! *sad face* etc.
But if someone has read and believed all the stories about Russia recently, you can't really blame them for unthinking they're building Belsen on the Volga.
Some people dared to ask why either of these two minor stories are thought so very important and so terrible in the general scheme of global gay misery that they warrant such space.
The endless, voluminous, shoddy coverage about gay life in Russia is sinister, and suggestive of another agenda.
The manufactured feigned outrage over Guido Barilla's unremarkable remarks and the silly, unfunny joke that is the Inflatable Gay Best Friend is ludicrous and embarrassing.
Both can only be seen by any rational person as little, localised outbreaks of mass hysteria.
Beware the pink pearl-clutchers and pitchfork-wavers.
Both are frightening phenomena the media should be exposing, not colluding in.
¡Ya basta!

THANKS IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I DID WARN YOU IT WAS GOING TO BE BORING. BUT THE POINT IS THAT THE ARTICLE REFERRED TO IS POINTLESS. BUT THEY'LL PUBLISH ANYTHING IF IT CONFORMS TO AND FURTHER FEEDS THE CURRENT CLIMATE OF GAY HYSTERIA. FAGBURN HAS FOUND THIS WEEK SO "BAD" HE WILL NOW MAKE A GAY BEST FRIEND DOLL OUT OF BARILLA PASTA AND DEFECT TO RUSSIA. до свидания! ARRIVEDERCI! GOODBYE!

* I politely pointed some of these errors and inconsistencies on The Guardian messageboard - bizarrely a moderator removed them.
Whilst I'd like to say I had really kicked it to The Man, I fear this is what happens when bored interns moderate your forums.
See also 'G*y' on Tesco Direct...


Gay Star News: Tilda SWINDON! Who he?
1. Of course, sexing up a story is standard practice in the mass media. Try pitching an article saying things haven't changed much recently, and nothing really bad has actually happened. Best to make people believe the shock-horror hype.
2. I've been told you're more likely to see the ghost of Mussolini's mistress selling stuff in an Italian ad, than a gay man anyway.
3. She quotes without question professional hysteric, Michael Aravosis of the ever-so patriotic AMERICAblog, source of a translation of the interview, and also, curiously, of endless stories about LGBT Russia. Mike's faith in capital is so fanatical he thinks boycotts are the answer to all #teamgay's problems.
4. I can't find this in the - admittedly very long - charter. Nancy, can you let me know where it is? Ta.
5. South Africa was banned from the Olympics in 1964, not because of the apartheid system, but specifically because they refused to "renounce racial discrimination in sport and opposed the ban in its own country on competition between white and black athletes."
6. See this recent Slate feature by J Bryan Lowder on the gay movement's obsession with consumer boycotts - and corporate endorsements, Barilla Chairman Doesn't Like Gay People: So What?
7. Queer Nation NY is a new group who, tellingly, are making lots of noise/publicity about homophobia in Russia, but not about homophobia in New York.
8. Scott Long has written an obituary of Aleksei Davydov, who he knew, and worked with.
Tris Reid Smith has written movingly for Gay Star News about Davydov - "inspirational" "hero" etc.
Makes you wonder why he never mentioned him when he was alive? 
See also their header about this and Tilda Swindon above.

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Selena Gomez: Gay Rights Hero And Brave Martyr To The Cause!

Pop star Selena Gomez was forced to cancel two concerts in Russia today after government officials denied her visa, reportedly related to stricter transit laws for foreign artists linked to the country's controversial anti-gay legislation.
The singer had been slated to perform at St. Petersburg's Ice Palace on Sept. 23 and Moscow's Olimpiisky Stadium on Sept. 25.
Prior to the cancellation of these two shows, Gomez was facing pressure to take a stand on LGBT rights in the former Soviet Union as the subject of a Change.org petition. The petition called on Gomez to speak out and "let LGBT folks in Russia know that we stand with them, and that they are not alone." It reached over 1,000 signatures before the news of Gomez's denied visa became public.
John Becker, petition author and LGBT blogger at Bilerico, said in a statement to The Huffington Post: 
Huffpost Gay Voices.

BZZT!!!
There is no evidence that Selena was denied a visa because of her support for gay rights.
This would be more than a little odd as her vocal support of gay rights is somewhere between hardly-anything and fuck-all.
Yet, Elton John's playing in December.
Okay, that figures...
Maybe it's true - Russia certainly has its fair share of nutty politicos and bureaucrats - but Fagburn somehow doubts the Russian visa office or security services closely monitor and taks notice of online petitions - even one with a whopping 1,000 signatures.
John Becker's argument is circular and nonsensical; he claims this shows Russia is now on the defensive after criticism of its "anti-gay crackdown" - which by his bizarro logic is proven as they've "banned" an American singer who might (but probably wouldn't) say something pro-gay.
Wouldn't the reverse be true?
Hilariously, Becker recently slagged off Johnny Weir for saying he'd compete in Sochi in a disgusting article for Bilerico - yet here he doesn't mention that #sobrave Selena was gagging to go and play.
Vaingloriously, Becker says this is all due to his e-petition.
Just as he claims that the boycotts are working whenever the Russian government don't do something they weren't planning on doing anyway.

It seems as likely that Selena Gomez's people filed for a visa too late.
I have no idea if she hadn't actually sold many tickets, and to suggest this could be the reason for the no-show would be pure speculation.
The billion-dollar Sochi Olympics spectacle shows that Russia is desperate to normalise its cultural relations with other countries - to seethe that they'd ban former Disney kid Selena Gomez cause she might paint her toenails in all the colours of the rainbow or something sounds just plain dumb.

  
'Nobody and nothing will stop Russia on the road to strengthening democracy and human rights and freedoms," Vladimir Putin once declared. He didn't literally add "NOT EVEN CHER" – but as opposition to Russian's anti-gay legislation grows, it becomes increasingly clear that he was thinking it.
And so to the burgeoning of a cultural boycott of sorts. Sooner or later, every last celebrity will be required to show their hand on this one – get researching, Helen Flanagan! – but in the interests of keeping you up to date, Lost in Showbiz is pleased to offer a rundown of who has declared thus far...

Marina Hyde in Friday's Guardian cruelly mocks the latest craze amongst Team Celebrity. 
Contains all your favourites; Stephen Fry, Cher, Lady Gaga, George Takei, Elton John, and Heather Mills!

PS The Sochi organising committee have issued a statement saying; “There have never been negotiations with Cher about her possible participation in the ceremonies." Surprise!

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Exclusive: Putin 'Murders Gay Puppy'!

President Putin, the Russian president of Russia, has apparently killed a gay puppy with his own bare hands, Fagburn can exclusively reveal.
The photo above shows the clearly terrified little doggy-woggy, just moments away from certain death.
It is taken from a shocking new video that no-one has actually seen, but Radio Free Europe/Voice Of America - a highly-respected independent news outlet funded by the US state department - has said definitely exists.
They say Putin can apparently be heard calling the dog "my beautiful little bitch" and trying to sexually humiliate it by threatening to "give it a bone".

There are fears this could just be the beginning of the mass extermination of all gay puppies in Russia.
"I fear this could be the beginning of the mass extermination of all gay puppies in Russia," commented national treasure, Stephen Fry. "I spent an afternoon in St Petersburg last year, and I can tell you these adorable little doe-eyed balls of fluffiness are treated like dogs."
Mr Fry has called for a show of solidarity by all entrants at next year's Cruft's Dog Show wearing a big pink bow.

Playwright Havey Fierstein was not alone in pointing out this all has chilling echoes of Nazi Germany; "This is exactly how Hitler started. First he killed his alsatian, Blondi, in his Berlin bunker, then he gassed all the Jews. Except this time, Poo-tin is killing gay puppies right now. In secret."
Fierstein claims that in Moscow specially trained "dog-handlers" round up "stray" dogs and intern them in specially-constructed "dog homes".
It is understood many have been "put down". 

Leading American gay journalist and mediawhore, Dan Savage, has urged for a mass boycott of Choco Choco Doggy Treats, which are made in Baltimore.
"Enough is e-fuckin'-nuff! Time to hit the Russians where it hurts! All gay men and our straight allies must stop buying Choco Choco Doggy Treats immediately! Even if they don't have a dog."
"Money talks! Let's make it bark!"
And if that doesn't work? "I think we should invade Russia, just like I kept saying we should invade Iraq."
Asked if his boycott was ill-thought-out and pointless, Savage told Fagburn; "It's working! There's no reports of Putin killing any other gay puppies today."
"The fact that Putin isn't doing something now that he wasn't doing before proves the protest - which was organised by me, incidentally - is working."

The #boycottchoco campaign has rapidly caught on worldwide - Manhole, a gay bar in London's trendy Soho, has sent out a press release saying they will not sell Choco Choco Doggy Treats to their customers - and pointing out that they currently have a wide range of tantalising drinks offers most nights.
Veteran gay rights campaigner, the normally publicity-shy Peter Tatchell, has promised to bombard the media with press releases quoting himself, and photos of himself, until someone prints one.
But the campaign's most famous supporter has to be Ian Brady.
The Moors murderer has posted a selfie on his Facebook page where he holds up a sign reading; "#Boycottchoco! Won't somebody please think of the children!?"

Yesterday, America's most right-wing Neo-con gay loon, James Kirchick, took over a live TV debate on Russia Today about Syria to bring attention to the non-existent gay puppy pogrom.
Donning a comedy rainbow bowtie that spins round and round, he told their dozens of viewers; "You know what? Fuck Syria. America should just bomb it back to the stone age. Then we should get all our sexy US marines to march on Moscow."
After launching into a barely coherent tirade about how Chelsea Manning, Edward Snowden and Glenn Greenwald should be publically hanged as traitors in a Walmart carpark, the censors at Russia Today immediately cut-off Kirchick after half-an-hour.

Patrick Smugtwit, a gay journalist famed for his stunningly original and intellectual articles, has written online; "I literally weep for the Russian gay puppies. No-one feels their pain as much as me. Boo-hoo-hoo. Why has there been such silence about this, apart from all the articles about it? Imagine if this was happening to black puppies!"
In a statement, Sebastian Posh-Twit from LGBTory - the Conservative party's gay group - slammed the Russian premier; "Although our party has a long history of supporting the torturing of puppies for fun and political gain, we have changed, and now only use them for hunting foxes."

But it's not just the gay right who are angry about this - many apolitical gay men are now pretending they care by leaving ever madder and ill-informed comments on gay media message boards.
One - @keverrett69 - posted recently; "LETZ BOMB THE RUSSIAN SCUM! 4 THE LOLZ!!!"

A spokesman for Puppy Love (мальчишеское увлечение), Russia's leading dog advocacy group, told Fagburn they thought this was all "hysterical and rather silly and based on wilful misinformation."
"I think there might be a hidden agenda here, where, once again, an officially declared enemy of the US is obediently demonised by the media in the service of Western power and neo-imperial American hegemony," he said.
"There are far, far worse things happening to gay men in many other countries now - and the US and UK are hardly queer utopias - so maybe people should stop and ask why the situation in Russia has suddenly got such obsessive, endless blanket coverage?"
"Any rational person would see this as an outbreak of mass hysteria."
"Basically you can say any old shit about Russia right now and get away with it."
But what would he know, he's a fucking filthy Russian?


• Protests have been organised in cities around the world next Friday, where people are invited to take part in a mass Pissing Against The Wind - or, if they can't be arsed, they can make themselves feel better by clicking on one of those AllOut.org e-petitions that politicians always ignore.