Rod Liddle: The Digested Read

You. Yes you, you poncey metropolitan elite. Put down that Richard Littlejohn autobiography right now. And shut up about Clarkson. How come they get all the attention and you forget there's another irritating gobshite on the block? I can be offensive, too. Wog. There. I've said it. I'll say it again. Wog. My parents didn't like wogs. Chinks. I can write that, too. My parents weren't too keen on them, either. They once went on an aeroplane and there was a gay cabin steward. Gay. Pansy. Suck on that. Actually I quite like gays. Some of my best friends are gay. Muggers, obese chav monkeys … Oi, I said, don't ignore me. Please. I couldn't bear it if you ignored me. Or if you weren't offended. Please be offended, too.

The peerless John Crace, The Guardian.