Looking forward, as one always must, I wonder if the law will eventually be changed to allow one to marry one’s dog. Until now, this would have been considered disgusting, since marriage has been a law revolving around sexual behaviour, and sexual acts with animals are still, I believe, illegal. But, as this column has pointed out, the unintended consequence of the same-sex marriage legislation has been to take sex out of marriage law. Civil servants, unable to define same-sex consummation, omitted it. So marriage, from now on, can mean no more than the legally registered decision of two people to live together while not being married to anyone else. The justification for this is ‘equality’, buttressed by the idea that love must carry all before it.
People often love their dogs very much and want to spend their life with them. So why should they not, chastely, marry them? It will be objected that animals are not people and are therefore incapable of informed consent, but this is an example of what the animal-rights gurus call speciesism. Besides, anyone who lives with dogs knows that most of them do not suffer from commitment-phobia or incline to desertion, substance-abuse or reckless spending. They make excellent life-partners. No doubt some old bigots will claim that marriage is a uniquely human institution, but it won’t take long to find enlightened vicars who believe that human and canine dignity is in a very real sense enhanced by recognising inter-species unions. Soon celebrities, tired of human relationships, will hold dinky solemnisations with their chihuahuas, and eager Conservative modernisers will tweet their approval. Anyone who suggests that the whole thing is barking mad will be in breach of Public Equality Duty and denied a career in the public services.
Charles Moore, former editor of the Daily Telegraph, authorised Thatcher biographer, and anti-gay marriage obsessive,
writing in his Spectator column.
A new career as a Swiftian political satirist surely awaits the thinking-man's Richard Littlejohn.
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The Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill returns to the House of Lords on Monday 8th July for its doubtless fun-packed Report Stage.
Obviously, any homophobic Lords will be swayed by this hilariously shit new Instagram "campaign" by Gay Star News.
PS ^^^ Election poster for
Auberon Waugh standing for the Dog Lovers' Party in the 1979 general election to make a satirical point about former Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe - albeit one that was actually funny.
Waugh, a Tory anarchist, was once sacked by The Spectator for making a joke, co/incidentally.
Happens to the best of us.
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The marrying animals argument is the last, desperate attempt to defame marriage equality and a sure sign that opponents have effectively given up. All that's left for them are the insults.
ReplyDeleteMoore is a poor writer. If this is a piece of satire it fails miserably. There was plenty of scope for humour. "I do-do" etc. If it's a serious piece it's even worse. It seems that he misunderstands not only marriage equality but dogs.
Moore has always written for the shock effect rather than clarity and therefore his views should never be taken seriously.
In any case there have always been flaky people who have wanted to marry animals or have sex with them. They will be treated the same way as before and told that it's illegal and daft.
Has Lord Snooty asked his dog whether she'd marry him? It's a bit rich otherwise to assume consent.
ReplyDelete