RICHARD SMITH (@fagburn)
18.1.68 - 25.8.17

It is with deep sadness that we inform you of the death of our beloved DJ Wanker, Fagburn author, and Mark E. Smith Impersonator, Richard Smith on 25th August.

A memorial service will be held on Friday the 29th September.
If you would like to attend, or send a statement of love or annoyance please contact fagburn@safetycat.org

USA: Suicide Is Painless

This is such wonderful junk science I don't know where to begin.

Yes. its's from the vacuous bumhole that is Independent Voices.

Milo Watch: Oops!

The Times

Civil Partnerships: We Is Posher Than You

And not one fuck was given.

Piss off back to Bourgeoisville.

Peter Tatchell Watch: Question

Kill pious cunts like you?

Tom Daley Watch: Coughs

Mail Online

So how are the wedding plans going then?

PS Admittedly this is from Mail Online but I'm quite happy to go with it.

Peter Mandelson: Oh Mandy

Just a quick reminder that this gaylord is a colossal cunt.

Ted Heath: Crap

This really is first class horseshit.

Church Of England: Votes To Reject Controversial Same-Sex Marriage Thing That Nobody Else Cares About Anymore

In a shock move yet not shocking a move the more antiquated and pious members of the Church Of England has voted to persist with its reluctance to ban bear baiting, jousting, trepanning, the Industrial Revolution, slavery and flying on the unnatural EasyJet metal winged birds.

'Progress is bad,' said his royal highness the right hon Dr Justin Welby MB.

'Let us not speaketh about this great heresy again for another five years even if peoplle like watching the new-fangled TV and using electricy - the lightness of the devil.'.

'Now if we will you kindly excuse my, I shall now have to go and try and seperate another of my priests from a choirboy with a crowbarr.'

All: 'Praise be.'

'AMEN!' 

Sotto voce: 'I like your hat.'

''Thanks girl, it's Philip Treacy'

Church News: The Number Of The Beast

Dear Christian fool,

I know the meek shall inherit the earth and all that and your Holy Book recommends killing queers, but one must meeekly reply how it also forbids eating shelfish and ladies' not wearing hats in church on Sunday and so on etc.

But have you not noticed how it's also chockful of incest, paedophila, rape, murder, ethnic cleansing, infanticide, and genocide - all in service to you, you imaginary man in the sky.

Think I'll take my lessons in morality from somewhere else, if that's okay with you my love.

I really don't care if you'll let me get married to a fella in your stupid church.

All the best, as ever - from here to eternity

x

James Baldwin: On Fire

Guardian.

 Nice pic!

The line; 'His work fell foul of civil-rights-era binary racial and sexual politics' is student guff though.

The film, I Am Not Your Negro, opens the Human Rights Watch film festival in London on 9th March.

Stephen Port: Slipping Through My Fingers

Cause they  is incompetent and homophobic, mebbe?

On BBC 3 from tomorrow.

Straight Men: Help!

Independent.

So not interested, love.

Valentine's Day: Big! Beautiful!

Don't forget to stop off at the garage and buy the missus some flowers. x

PInk News: Dear Pot...

The complete lack of self-awareness here is too funny for words or even sentences.

'The Sun isn't the only tabloid to run ridicuolus LGBT stories...'

David Hockney: Retrospective

Sleeping Beauty, 1977, from Fag Ash Lil's Tate Retrospective.

Here's a long article about Hockney by Waldemar Januszczak from The Sunday Times.

She's 80 now, you know?

This Book Is Gay: Learn To Read

It's not a novel, you thick fuck.

Your daughter should disown you.

LGBT Museum: You're History

LGBT+ activists are calling for a London museum to remember the community’s history.

To coincide with the 50th anniversary of the decriminalisation of same-sex sexual intercourse this year, a petition has been started by the Queer Cabinet Brigade to encourage the creation of an LGBT+ history museum in London.

The activist group, who made headlines last year when they left pink cabinets at queer sites around the capital city, argue that there are “decades of political struggle” which remain “locked in the closet”.

They said: “Many places in London are prominent sites of queer history – places where queer people met and danced and organised and protested and cottaged – yet it is possible to walk through London and not be aware of how many streets contain queer stories

“We demand a permanent community space where LGBTQI+ history and culture can take root and be accessible to all. As a world destination and home to queer history and culture, London deserves one.”

The group have suggested the former Magistrates’ Court on Bow Street as a potential location, describing it as “a space with a complex queer history of oppression and defiance”, although they’re open to other locations.


GT. 

Well it's a nice idea, but so are lots of things.

Like free space travel for all.

Have you checked whether it's actually wanted or viable?

Emmanuel Macron: La Vie En Rose?

French presidential candidate Emmanuel Macron has dismissed lurid online rumours that he had a gay affair.

Mr Macron, a 39-year-old married to his former high-school teacher who is 20 years his senior, told supporters his wife Brigitte "shares my whole life".

Any reports of a double life were not about him but his "hologram", he joked.

The claims emerged on a Russian-owned website as the centrist nudged ahead of a key rival in polls, less than three months before the presidential vote.

Addressing a rally in Paris on Monday, Mr Macron said the claims of a secret life were "first and foremost unpleasant for Brigitte".

"She shares my whole life from morning till night and she wonders how I could physically do it!" he said.

"If in dinner-party chatter, or in forwarded emails, you're told that I have a double life," he added, "it's my hologram that suddenly escaped, but it can't be me!"

The joke was a reference to far-left candidate Jean-Luc Melenchon, who launched his presidential campaign in Lyon on Sunday - and appeared at a Paris rally simultaneously thanks to a 3D hologram....

BBC News.

Depressingly the National Front's Marine Le Pen's deputy Florian Philpott is deffo a gay.

Apparently, Macron is currently the front runner.

Art: Fart

Oh do fuck off, you prentious posh spaz.

Church Of England: Bona

A Church of England theological college has expressed regret after trainee priests held a service in the antiquated gay slang language Polari.

The service at the chapel of Westcott House in Cambridge was to commemorate LGBT history month.

The congregation was told the use of the lexicon was an attempt to "queer the liturgy of evening prayer".

But officials said it had not been authorised and was at variance with the doctrine and teaching of the church.

Polari is thought to have originated in Victorian London but fell out of use as homosexuality began to be decriminalised in England in the 1960s.

Its words, however, were brought to wider public attention in the same decade by comedian Kenneth Williams in the BBC radio series Round the Horne.
'Fantabulosa Fairy'

One person present at the service told BBC News it was led by an ordinand - a trainee priest - rather than a licensed minister.

The congregation was also made up of trainees.

While they had been given permission to hold a service to commemorate LGBT history month, a Church of England source said the college chaplain had not seen the wording of the service.

The translation was based on the Polari bible, a work compiled as a project in 2003 by the self-styled Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

The scripture and liturgy were printed on to an order of service.

An Old Testament reading from the Prophet Joel which says "rend your heart and not your garments, return to the Lord your God" was printed in Polari as "rend your thumping chest and not your frocks - and turn unto the Duchess your Gloria: for she is bona and merciful".

Instead of the traditional "Glory be to the father, and to the son, and the Holy Spirit" the prayer offered was: "Fabeness be to the Auntie, and to the Homie Chavvie, and to the Fantabulosa Fairy".

Services in the Church of England are legally required to be conducted using the church's approved liturgy.

The principal of Westcott House, the Rev Canon Chris Chivers, said the liturgy of the service had not been authorised for use.

He said: "I fully recognise that the contents of the service are at variance with the doctrine and teaching of the Church of England and that is hugely regrettable.

"Inevitably for some members of the house this caused considerable upset and disquiet and I have spoken at length to those involved in organising the service.

"I will be reviewing and tightening the internal mechanisms of the house to ensure this never happens again."

BBC News.

This is exactly like medieval churches only wanting the Bible available in Latin. 

Joe Meek: Golden Anniversary

Wayward pop genius and nutter, Joe Meek deaded himself fifty years ago today.
Shockingly the Express are the only paper to mark this.
This article is quite a good intro.

Owen Jones Watch: Written In A Hurry

Our OJ has been Googling.

Well done Owen!

Attitude: Bodies

Attitude - Making you anxious about your body by constantly telling you what the ideal body should look like.

I shall say no more lest some lovely man at Attitude makes death threats.

Mark Gatiss Watch: It Should Have Been Me

Mark Gatiss is telling me how he met his husband. It was 17 years ago and Gatiss was making The League of Gentlemen while Ian Hallard wasn’t long out of drama school. It wasn’t showbiz that brought the pair together, though. They met online, which was not the sort of thing you broadcast back then. “There was a genuine stigma in those days,” says Gatiss, “which has completely vanished now. We didn’t tell our families – I said we’d met at a party or something like that, because it was still a bit odd.” ...

Guardian.

I often think Mark Gatiss would be the perfect boyfriend. Eating beans on toast whilst watching old tapes of hammy films while he gives an hilarious running commentary.