Gareth Thomas: Rugby Balls

"HOLLYWOOD hardman MICKEY ROURKE is set for his most unusual role yet - playing gay British rugby star GARETH THOMAS in a film of his life," The Sun - who are clearly having trouble with their CAPS LOCK key - reveals today.
"The actor decided Thomas would be the "perfect model" for a movie after reading a report about him "coming out".
"The two met for dinner last week after Rourke had been a guest on JONATHAN ROSS's last BBC chat show."
Really?
Reading on, you find out that such a film has not been commissioned, or even written, so I wouldn't book your tickets just yet.
Still even though this film will almost certainly never exist outside of this story, it's a handy bit of PR for the in-no-way homophobic Mr Rourke.
Here's a video of him in 2008, threatening; "And tell that faggot who wrote all that sh!t in the paper I’d like to break his f**king legs."
Charming.
An apology was swiftly issued on the plastic surgery disaster's troubled actor's behalf; "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone."
Did Rourke actually say that - or did a publicist write it?
At the end of last year a tired and clearly emotional Mickey Rourke was filmed by TMZ refusing to apologise for using the f-word, and bemoaning the fact you can't call faggots faggots no more.
"It ain't got nothing to do with being homosexual, if they want to label all that shit, you know? Fuck you, you know - you know what I'm saying?"
Erm, not really, no.