Damian Barr: Joan Collins & Moi

Damian Barr, author of the inexplicably acclaimed memoir, Maggie & Me: Or How I Learned To Stop Working Classing And Love The Bitch writes a pointless column for The Sunday Times, on posh drinking hostelries.

This week he goes to Claridge's Bar with another right-wing bitch, Dame Joan Collins - and yes, it's every bit as painful as you'd imagine.

“I saw Ivan [Massow] earlier. I’m truly honoured to be considered a gay icon. I love gay men. I’m not saying that in a patronising way. Yes, they have the best taste, but they’re not going to jump on you. I made my first gay friend, Trevor, at Rada, and he was my safe haven. I’ve had a lot of trouble with men.” 

Pass the champagne bucket, Damian, I think I'm going to be sick.

Jackie Collins: Brian Sewell Remembers

'What a frightfully vulgar woman. She was almost as awful as that slut of a sister. Just thinking about her makes me want to vomit.'

Mr Sewell was contacted by ouija board.

Tory: Party

A doorstep lender, a host of property tycoons and a Ukraine-born energy magnate were among guests worth, in all, £22bn, who attended the Tories’ most important fundraising event of the year, a table plan leaked to the Guardian reveals.

The secret list of about 570 guests at the Tories’ Black and White Ball, held in February will heighten concerns that the country’s wealthiest people are gaining access to David Cameron and senior Conservative cabinet members in private.

The revelation follows details published by the Guardian and the Bureau of Investigative Journalism in July which showed how lobbyists and oligarchs had paid up to £12,000 for a table at the 2013 Tory summer party.

At both events, where tickets went for £450 to £1,000, guests were seated with ministers whose portfolios were relevant to the diners’ financial interests.

However, the wealth of the partygoers attending the February gala – which also took place at the Old Billingsgate Market, in the City of London – is estimated to have been double that of the summer party...

The Guardian.

Back soon, but Fagburn has temporarily lost the will to live...

Thought For The Day: Joan Collins

"Men are turning gay because women are unfeminine."

Right-wing nutjob Joan Collins is interviewed in The Daily Telegraph - see if you can spot the flaw in her logic there.
She's promoting her book The World According To Joan ("Available exclusively from Sainsburys").
Seeing as Joan is UKIP's celebrity supporter one might assume she doesn't think much of the rest of the world.
She also shared her thoughts on the riots (“These kids are so ignorant and stupid. I don’t think they have much of a moral compass now because they spend their life doing – what are those games they do? The ones where they kill and they shoot?") and proves she's intergallactically loopy by claiming they've banned Christmas in Birmingham - her chauffeur told her that.

Ivan Massow: Joan As Police Woman

'Crushed by a court case, his business in tatters, the gay finance entrepreneur fled to Barcelona and fell into alcoholism. His unlikely saviour? Joan Collins'

The Guardian.
Don't know about you, but I stopped reading right there.
Shocking The Guardian gives this stupid Tory such an easy ride.
Apparently he's got some new business venture, and is going on The Secret Millionaire.
Yes, things are looking up, up, up for Michael Gove's ex-flatmate!

George O'Dowd: Modern Painters

"It was, in fact, me who approached Layla Lyons. I wanted to photograph her as she looked amazing: she’s quite striking with this shock of orange hair and no eyebrows; very David Bowie in The Man Who Fell to Earth. Then she asked me if she could paint me. We decided to do something quite masculine, so I put the heels on — for a twist. I love the painting, but I didn’t buy it. In the early days I had pictures of myself everywhere but I feel that’s a bit much now — it’s a bit Joan Collins."

Artists and their subjects talk today in The Times.
Is there anything about this portrait of George O'Dowd that stands out for you?

• It's George's 50th birthday on Tuesday, by the way. Many happy ones.