Now I don't care about you, but over the last week I was gagging to find out what the papers were saying about MI6 spook Gareth Williams.
Last I heard, transvestite single loner 31 year-old Mr Williams, aged 30, had been accidently strangled and poisoned by a gay serial killer lover from Al-Qaeda acting on the orders of the Russian mafia before committing suicide in a bizarre bathtime telephone CIA-sponsored drug-fuelled innocent kinky sex game that went tragically wrong.
Yesterday police released some CCTV footage that unclearly shows Mr Williams going out and about near Holland Park tube station wearing a pinkish t-shirt.
The last known footage of him taken the next day shows Mr Williams heading towards Sloane Street, near the Dolce & Gabbana store.
I really don't think you need to be Sherlock Holmes to work out what that all means, eh?
And all our worst suspicions have finally been confirmed in a statement from Detective Chief Inspector Jacqueline Sebire, who is leading the investigation:
"This remains a complex, unexplained death inquiry."
So, was Gareth Williams the cycle-mad Welsh boffin who knew too much?
Or have we been reading the newspapers that knew too little?
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