Commonwealth: The Straight White Man's Burden

A fascinating piece on Independent Voices today by Jonathan Cooper, Now the Games are over, let’s not forget the persecuted men and women of the Commonwealth Homosexuality is a crime in 80 per cent of Commonwealth states, and it's the British who are to blame

It is illustrated with the photo above. 

Cooper writes; 'This perfectly timed love bomb, coming at the close of a sequence celebrating Gretna Green’s role in bringing so many people together in marriage, neatly captured Scotland’s commitment to gay and lesbian equality. Barrowman has been rightly praised. He made us all feel proud, not just of Scotland, but of the United Kingdom’s stand on LGBT rights...'

Yay! Hooray for us! Sorry, do go on...

'But there is a deadly serious reason behind the Glasgow Kiss and the emphasis put on love and inclusion. Eighty per cent of the Commonwealth's member states criminalise homosexuality.'

The big - and rather obvious - question, of course, is which Commonwealth countries regularly and systematically - or indeed ever - actually enforce these laws.

Unless this is made clear, one runs the risk of sounding like a hyperbolic hysteric in love with perpetuating a conspiracy theory of global gay victimhood.

But anyway, let's first ask Jonathan about a few of his details...

In these countries Barrowman’s expression of intimacy is more than a taboo. It’s a crime, and the star would most likely find himself in prison because of it.

Can you give me some examples of men being imprisoned for kissing? I mean in Commonwealth countries, obviously, not in AmeriKKKa.

Thinking of a holiday on the idyllic Caribbean islands of St Kitts or St Lucia? If you’re gay you too could end up on the wrong side of the law. What about going on Safari in Kenya or Tanzania? 

Again, please can we have some examples of tourists being arrested for being gay in any of these countries?

The hypocritical Victorians, desperate to project a particular image of Britain as stiff upper lip middle-class mausoleum, felt the need to export their anxieties about sex. With typical racist fervour, they imposed them on the "resistant masses", and rolled out laws criminalising homosexuality across what is now the Commonwealth.

Didn't the Victorians usually just export the entire British penal code? Or do you have evidence stopping buggery in the Empire was a priority for them?

The British empire was dissolved 50 years ago, how are we still 'to blame'?

I could go on...

Thanks Jonathan, interested in hearing your replies.

Daley Thompson: No Idea

“I didn’t even know John Barrowman was Scottish - never mind gay."

'British athletics icon', Daley Thompson, The Sun.

Sex Crimes: The Week In Stupid

Schoolgirl given police caution after sexting topless selfie to her boyfriend - Daily Mirror.

Teacher banned for life after having sex with 17 year-old girl he met in a nightclub when he was 23 - Daily Mail.

87% of new internet users reject Cameron's porn filters - The Independent.

Journalist guest on BBC Breakfast says John Barrowman's gay kiss was 'inappropriate for children' - Pink News.

Police warn skinny dippers they could be put on the sex offenders' register - BBC News.

Ladies and gentlemen, this country is now officially FUCT!

John Barrowman: Lost In Translation

The ever-helpful Daily Express explain txtspeak to their older readers.

Bless.

Commonwealth Games: Hoots Mon Etc!

Tasteful and totally appropriate caption from Huffington Post, there. 

PANTO star John Barrowman left a global telly audience of over a billion [Yeah, right] gobsmacked — when he snogged a fella at last night’s Commonwealth Games opening ceremony.

The gay kiss was part of a barmy sequence that saw Susan Boyle fluff her song words, a dancer in undies grab his crotch and performers frolick inside giant Tunnock’s teacakes...

The Sun.

The Gretna Green kiss was quite cute, and I like seeing the ceremony as a low budget campy piss-take of the London Olympics extravaganza, though that may only be in my head.

The ever fatuous Gay Star News.

Not sure how this kiss would be a 'stunning rebuke' to anti-gay politicians and religious leaders who argue that homosexuality and the tolerance of it are a Western malaise we are trying to export, but there you go.

Expect the usual suspects to get incredibly over-excited about this - 'A brief gay kiss! Take that Third Worlders!' - like the walls of Jericho will now fall.

Funny how the gayers who are the most easily offended are also the most easily pleased.

Even the Mail approve - go figure.

Michael Clark: CBE

Oh, this is getting silly now.

First Grayson Perry gets a CBE, now her!

Dear the Queen,

Seeing as you is clearly giving these away to any old bonkers queen, I am willing to denounce my republican principles and accept one.

DM me, bitch.
x

PS John Barrowman has been awarded an MBE - presumably for services to show tunes.

John Barrowman: No Camp!

Sadly this is a story about Scottish independence.

John Barrowman: Saucy Asides

TELLY hunk John Barrowman has launched a furious attack on “miserable” critics of his naughty panto patter.

The Scots-born Torchwood and Doctor Who star hit back after his cheeky on-stage double entendres were branded “smutty”.

Defiant Barrowman, 46, said: “People like that are just miserable bastards. They need to get over it.

“Or just don’t come back — we don’t need you.”

The US-based star lashed out after coming under fire from fellow festive show favourites and a disgruntled fan.

Orville the Duck ventriloquist Keith Harris, 65, insisted: “Panto is for kids but they don’t get smutty jokes made by people like John Barrowman.”

Veteran telly comic Jim Davidson, 59, added: “Panto’s a chance to be funny without being filthy.” 

But the actor was unrepentant — and promised more saucy asides at this year’s production of Dick McWhittington with The Krankies at Glasgow’s Clyde Auditorium.

He said: “These jokes go right over the crossbar of the kids, while all the adults sit there chuckling.

“The only reason kids laugh is they see their parents laughing away.

“That’s just old school panto and The Krankies are brilliant at delivering that sort of stuff.”

But John — who married long-term partner Scott Gill in California in the summer — admits he did receive one complaint during last year’s Jack And The Beanstalk run.

He said: “We had a letter saying I was making gay references and was being crude.

“I find it strange they didn’t complain about jokes about one of the girl’s boobs.”

The Sun - Scotch edition only. 

Fagburn recalls seeing that grand pantomime dame, John Inman, on TV once saying pantomime innuendo was "self-cleaning jokes".
Rather well put, I thought.

John Barrowman: Put A Ring On It

John Barrowman - star of stage, screen and trampoline - gets gaymarried!
Full gushing story and pics in the Daily Mirror.
Exciting times, dudes, exciting times...

The Independent: Hello, Pot Meet Kettle

Lesbians and bisexuals have significantly lower representation on television than gay men, who are also under-represented on our screens according to a new report by the BBC.

The report, which included an in-depth consultation of leading lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) expert groups and individuals, found that lesbian women were “relatively invisible compared to the level of coverage of gay men”.
The report did not include information about the representation of transgender individuals on television.
Although gay men were perceived by LGB experts to have greater representation on television, the range of portrayal of gay men is felt to be too narrow and reliant on outdated stereotypes.
“Gay men seem to be so much better represented [than lesbians], although I’d say they get slotted into the camp niche and the diversity of their representation is consequently restricted," said a spokesperson for arts trade union Equity.
“Gay male representation is improving, although camp gay men are still the norm, especially in comedy scenarios.”

The Independent.
Slight irony here, in this being reported in the newspaper with the most woeful gay coverage.
The Telegraph wonderfully mangled this as, BBC told to put more gay people on children's TV.
The horror! The horror!

PS Here's the report linked as a PDF on a BBC News story.
For some reason everyone seems to illustrate this story with a photo of John Barrowman.
Thus perhaps showing the paucity of the representation of The Gays on the tellybox.
Dunno why anyone has a problem with gay men being shown as camp - apart from the fact they are heteronormative boring fuckwits.
But we are Blanche, we are!

PPS How, exactly, does one become a leading gay expert?

Update: As ever this has sent Daily Mail readers delightfully mad.

Torchwood: Sod Off!

"If critics don't like what I do then I don't give a shit. They can sod off.
"All I did was have a little romantic kiss and cuddle with another fella on screen — it's not as if you see us doing anything.
"The funny thing is in the same episode I was also hung up on a meat hook, stabbed hundreds of times with my blood dripping down my body and shot in the head three times, but no one complained about that."

John Barrowman, quoted in The Sun, commenting on last month's "TV gay sex uproar" over an episode of Torchwood.
"Screen hunk John Barrowman" is promoting his appearance in panto in Glasgow with The Krankies.

Torchwood: Ban This Filth!

'It's supposed to be sci-fi, not sex-fi: Hundreds of viewers complain to BBC over 'pointless' gay scenes in Torchwood.'

The Mail On Sunday


Dear The BBC,

I would like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the gay sex scenes in this week's Torchwood.
You couldn't see any cock.
I was watching it with my young grandson and he's mad for cock.
"Show us some cock!" he kept shouting, "COCK!"
He was so angry he hardly touched his Spaghetti Hoops on toast.
I have now cancelled my TV licence fee direct debit and will be making a donation to my favourite charity, the Bel Ami Home For Out Of Work Czech Farmhands.

yours

Edna Welthorpe (Mrs)

I shall let you know the BBC's reply...

500 Complaints - sounds like a co-ordinated campaign by Christian nutters to me.

Torchwood: Gay Sex

Complaint

We’ve received complaints from some viewers who feel it is inapproprate to show gay sex in Torchwood.

The BBC's response

"We have strict Editorial Guidelines which govern the content of our programmes, and Torchwood is no exception. These clearly state:

"In all BBC output the portrayal of sex, or the exploration of sexual issues, should be editorially justified and treated with appropriate sensitivity. In post-watershed content, we must be able to justify the frank and realistic portrayal of sex and the exploration of themes and issues which some people might find offensive."
"Captain Jack Harkness is an established character in the series. We felt the content was justified in terms of the context and character and would be within the expectations of regular viewers. We aim to depict relationships whether heterosexual or homosexual in an honest and realistic way. These scenes are not meant to cause offence."

The BBC.

Torchwood: Uncut?

There's been much kerfuffle this week over this story;
"JOHN Barrowman has clashed with the BBC by defending Torchwood's axed explicit gay sex scene - saying it was NOT gratuitous."
A word of warning though - THIS IS IN THE SUN!!!
IT MAY NOT BE TRUE!
They love to sensationalise and - quite literally - sex stories up.
You'd hope just two months after that "Pre-watershed gay TV kiss ban" (that never existed and was never proposed), people might be a bit more sceptical.
It was The Sun what broke it last weekend;
Barrowman bonk with a barman is banned by Beeb
"It has already been shown on US cable channel Starz, which co-funded the drama. But shocked Beeb bosses have cut it from the BBC1 version, fearing an avalanche of complaints from viewers..."
The Sun can only quote "an insider" - which means they may have made it up.
Or hacked someone's mobile phone.
Who can say.
Mr Ian Sider told them;
"It wasn't that it was a gay scene that worried people, but just the fact it was such an explicit sex scene, full stop.
"You can get away with scenes like that on American cable channels, but you can't on primetime BBC1."
A BBC spokesperson has said;
“The UK and US versions of Torchwood are slightly different. However these differences do not change the story in any way and the strong storylines are first and foremost to the series.”
Torchwood is shown after the watershed - the episode in question will be shown on BBC 1 next week.

Update: A certain Russell T Davies has emailed GT:
"Now be calm.
“There is a cut in Ep.3 to simultaneous gay AND straight sex scenes. As if I’d let them cut gay sex alone! Dear God. Have faith! They’re cut because the BBC thinks that, unusually, a young audience watches post-watershed Torchwood, because of Captain Jack. And it’s not as if Editorial Policy thinks sex is shocking in that context; they just think sex scenes cause embarrassment between kids and the adults watching, which encourages people to turn over. They want viewers to stay!
“And Ep.7 goes centre-stage with a proper, dark, beautiful, honest love story between two men, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever had my name on. So there’s been no degaying here! Seriously: as IF I would! Come on!
“Be calm!”
Quoted on Gay Times Online.

Russell T Davies: Queer Resistance To The Cuts

"Don't start me on the Coalition goverment... You know their greatest trick is to appear as buffoons - and make everyone think they're funny. That Clegg and Cameron photo opportunity, at the bed, 'Oh, we’re all laughing'* – they're savage and evil people underneath it all.
"There is a great intelligence behind the Tory party that says 'let’s appear slightly bumbling and slightly buffoonish', while they're lethal as a laser underneath it all.
"I mean how marvellous was is it to launch those cuts on the licence fee on the day of all their austerity measures? So when I always presumed that when massive cuts cames to the BBC we'd all be storming the barricades, except if you do that when everyone's concerned about cuts to children and schools and health and roads it's very easy for people to put the BBC at the bottom of the list.
"[The BBC] can take cuts. There are cuts. But I don’t imagine these are the last of the cuts. This a precedent for cuts. Can you ever imagine it going back up again? No.
"And that is truly something of great cultural value. It's always very easy to say that a school is more important than a play, that a hospital is more important than a drama and that’s because we are talking a totally false language in which these things are comparable and one reduces the other. That's the language of economics, it simply doesn’t fit cultural life."

Russell T Davies, who can do no wrong etc etc, on BBC Radio 4's Front Row.
Russell also says the BBC watershed "is more stringent than ever" after Brandgate.

• The new series of Torchwood begins on BBC1 next month.
John Barrowman says; "I'm naked in one episode - I am full-on naked.
"I am bumping and grinding in this one. I am having man sex. The true die-hard fans know Jack is omnisexual - he likes men and women.
"People who tune into this series will just think Jack is gay, because he just has full-on man sex."
"It was really fun. One day, I get to shoot a helicopter and save the world, and a couple of days later, I get to have sex with a 24-year-old. [It's the most] perfect job in the world."
Good to hear.

* I guess RTD means this one.

Russell T Davies: Touch Wood

"It’s like — you know, I could get on my soapbox and say how important it is to be, but it’s not a soapbox. It’s just simply who I am is a gay man in the world, given opportunities to write on all sorts of networks, which I’m immensely grateful for, and so it’s not like — it’s not like I include gay characters because it’s my duty or anything. It’s just my nature.
"It’s simply second-nature for me to do that. It would be rather odd if I didn’t do that. And I’ve been very lucky. I think you are very lucky when you are the man who created Queer as Folk because not many people ever dare stop you, having done that. I think, if you were a new writer, people could say “Let’s with a gayness.” But, actually, seriously, the world has moved on. That doesn’t happen anymore.
"I mean, this programming Captain Jack as great, big, swaggering bisexual lead character, people don’t blink about that anymore. Certainly, no one at Starz ever even raised an eyebrow. That’s last year, you know. It’s like — it’s just been healthy and progressive. And I think the bigger an audience you can get, you know — we want a brand-new audience on Starz. We want to increase the audience on BBC One. We must sell this to 57 countries, and they can all see that on the screen, and that’s got to be good."

The mighty Russell T Davies during a panel debate at the US Television Critics Association

Panto: Behind You! etc etc

"Christmas shows may be traditional, but there are, surely, some traditions that are best left to fading memory. One thinks, in particular, of the low-grade ethnic “comedy” (the naming of a Chinese village as “One Long Poo”) and the continuous strand of dodgy gags about Barrowman’s long-established homosexuality (including his own double-intended assertion, following a puff of magical smoke, that “a big poof appeared on stage”). By the time Barrowman (at 43, a somewhat long-in-the-tooth, if spritely Aladdin) exclaims, “Hey, ladies, here’s your chance to rub my lamp!”, one really does feel transported back to the days of the Carry On film..."

The Daily Telegraph reviews Aladdin at Glasgow's Clyde Auditorium
And when The Telegraph tells you you're behind the times...