Eastenders: Phil Not Like Gay!

Glummer still was the plight of tiny homosexual Ben Mitchell, whose response to being caught kissing hooded squeeze Duncan was to festoon the Square with swirling wreaths of misspelled accusations ("BIGGOT") and make Patrick's trilby spin with threats of the "watch it, mister!" genus.

Thank Christ, then, for Phil, whose calm in such situations has made him a beacon of reasonableness in a slough of idiocy. "This conversation never 'appened," he snarled at Ben, his tremulous son's disclosure reactivating Phil's hitherto dormant crack-Hulk klaxon. Phil not like gay. Phil fear gay. Phil terminate discussion about gay with extreme prejudice. Tearful Ben reached for his dad's hand but Mr Potato Head was having none of it, stomping towards the door before turning, roaring "GERRORRFF!" and hurling his only son across the kitchen like a bespectacled discus.

Grace Dent's World Of Lather, Guardian Guide.

Thank Christ for the wonderful Ms Dent and that she writes about such soapy stuff every Saturday - and with such wit and verve.
Means I can maintain the pretense I'm covering all mo-related media bases, but don't have to watch tedious old toss like this meself.
Thanks Grace.

NB An eagle-eyed viewer has pointed out this week's World of Lather was actually written by Sarah Dempster, not Grace Dent - thus making me look quite fantastically stupid.
I have left the above blogpost unrevised as penance and as a sign of my almost touching humility.
Good day!