Made In Chelsea: Willy

Star.

Does anyone actually call a cock a 'willy', apart from the matron at your public school?

TV Review: Made In Chelsea

A tweet from Paris Brown - Kent's 17 year-old "Youth Crime Tsar".
It's not exactly Nancy Banks-Smith, is it?
One of several offensive tweets that the Mail On Sunday found and turned into a front page story.
Part of me feels a bit sorry for Paris being outed as an asshole in this way, it's hardly the worst thing going on in the world right now.
I'm also not sure her tweets that mention "fags" are homophobic, just dumb. 
Maybe the only lesson to be learnt is not to make silly entitled middle-class children "Youth Crime Tsars"?
Or not to make anyone a "crime tsar" of anything - it's all just a pointless PR exercise by PC Plod.
And I'm not really sure what the MoS is complaining about.
As her tweets whine on about "fags", "illegals" and "pikeys", Miss Brown sounds like a typical Mail reader.

Update: Word is the Mail trawled right through her tweets and published ones she sent when she was 14. 

Update2: Oh fuck, seems I'm thinking along the same sort of lines as Melanie Phillips on this; This yoof crime tsar is just a silly little girl. The true scandal's the fortune being wasted on non-jobs like hers.
Mea culpa!

James Middleton: Scurrilous Rumours

Can there be a more perfect person for a fawning Daily Mail weekend profile than James Middleton, international playboy, enterpreneur, one of Britain's most confirmed eligible bachelors, and - but of course - brother to the radiant Kate and the beautfully-bottomed young party planner, Pippa?
But, and even better for the Mail, he is a man of which we know little.
Though there has been a lot of "tittle-tattle" written about him (often in the Mail, but we'll gloss over that).
Happily, James will now put the record straight.
He's not really a "hellraiser", despite those pictures that appeared online and in the press of him and some chums at a party in various states of undress.

One of the images appeared to show him using a hairdryer on his pubic hair. Another saw him sitting naked, by a fireplace, holding a bottle of lager. In a third photograph, he bared a waxed chest and well-toned upper body, with one hand covering his modesty. [He was also pictured in drag - FB].
Perhaps the most memorable shot showed Middleton and three male companions, with their trousers and underpants round their ankles, standing with their backs to camera on a leafy rural road. A nearby road sign proclaimed: ‘Back Lane.’ Lawyers hired by the Middleton family successfully instructed newspapers never to re-publish the images, which had leaked via a Facebook account with inadequate security settings. But, inevitably, they have endured in cyberspace. And old reputations die hard...

"Out-of-character", say friends. 
"He’s actually the reverse of a party animal" says one, "quiet and a little bit shy. One of his hobbies is beekeeping, which speaks volumes."
Doesn't it, just? 

But if James has sometimes played hard, he works bloody hard, too, "he claims to work 14-hour days" at his two cake businesses.
And no, he's not been bankrolled by the multi-millionaire Ma and Pa Middletons.
It is mere convenience that means he operates from their business compound in Berkshire, his cakes are sold through their Party pieces website, and it seems they've secured his business debts - handy, as it's currently trading at a (small) loss.
Oh, and he also lives rent-free at a million pound pad they bought in Chelsea. 
And no, James hasn't been considering a role in Made In Chelsea.
"'Just a typical, speculated rumour’ of the sort his family has sadly become ‘so used to’."
Poor show, evil newspapers!
But what about the "scurrilous rumours" we've heard about young master James being a big old gay?

A failure to live up to the ‘It-boy’ stereotype by falling out of nightclubs with blondes on each arm has seen James endure widespread speculation about his sexuality. After he gave the reading at sister Kate’s 2011 Royal Wedding, web forums buzzed with chatter.
James has never publicly discussed his private life, on the grounds that it would open a Pandora’s Box. But one of his closest friends — who was authorised by Middleton to speak to me — described the suggestion that he is gay as ‘ridiculous’.
‘Believe me,’ she said, ‘anyone who has known James for any length of time would know that’s nonsense. He’s just a heterosexual 25-year-old who is in no rush to couple up and seems happy with the single life.'
Another friend said: ‘If you’ve ever heard James talk privately about girls, you’d know he’s not gay. But he’s not that bothered by the rumours, either. He’s quite “meterosexual” so, in a way, he takes it as a compliment.’

Jolly glad to hear it.
Can our near blue-blooded bachelor boy stay single for long?