Bushell On The Box: Newsflash Fellas!

SEX Diaries opened with the claim that “ordinary British men are now openly declaring their attraction to women with penises” – the greatest TV lie since Matthew Wright claimed: “I am not a halfwit.”

Trans-dating is the term for men who bed guys who choose to dress as women.

Not to be confused with tramp-dating, that’s hobo-sexual.

Window cleaner Mark had married blonde Brazilian Lorena (32-24-32, and 6 when aroused) but still insisted he was fully heterosexual.

At what point might it seem ever so slightly gay, Mark?

When you’re in her, when she’s in you… or when she takes off her make-up?

Newsflash: fellas, if the woman you’re having sex with is a bloke in a syrup you’re technically as straight as Fifa.

The Daily Star's almost touchingly dimwitted TV critic Mr Garry 'Not Gary' Bushell.

Garry Bushell: For The Record

Q: You hate gays.

A: I don’t hate anyone because of their sexuality and never have done. I first fell out with gay activists over a tasteless joke in my column back in the 1980s and, because I’ve always loved feuds, I took it too far. One of the first people who came to my defence was Patrick Newley who wrote Mrs Shufflewick’s biography – now there was an act!

I’ve worked with gay people pretty much everywhere I’ve had a job, and championed gay acts for decades starting with Frankie Howerd (I was a lone voice in the press campaigning for his return to TV). I adore (the well-known entertainer mentioned in Garry Bushell’s message quoted above). I like Craig Hill. I supported Alan Carr when he first appeared on the scene. I loved Lily Savage (Paul O’Grady’s drag act) – I knew Paul’s boyfriend Brendan Murphy from back when we’d both been members of the International Socialists a long time ago. And, at the risk of the old ‘some of my best friends…’ cliché, I’m still mates with Dale Winton and have been since the mid-1990s...

Q: On talkSPORT Radio, you said homosexuality was a “perversion”.

A: I don’t recall the actual phrasing, but it was a dumb thing to say and I apologise for it. It’s no defence, but I had just come off the phone to my mate who is in Right Said Fred and I’d been winding him up about Fred getting punched by some Russian troglodyte...

Q: One of my Facebook Friends posted: Someone needs to dig up Bushell’s review of the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert. The Sun gave him two pages to rant about how AIDS was a luvvies disease and how disgusting it was to see money raised for AIDS research when there was so little funding for proper diseases. It finished with his deathless advice on how to avoid contracting AIDS: “Don’t do drugs and don’t be gay.”

A: All I can remember about that is I used it to slip in a tasteless Jimmy Jones ode – Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If you’d stuck with fanny You’d still be with us. I think it was over a spread, me versus Piers Morgan. I loved Queen and Freddie was one of the great rock front-men. I do think the early AIDS campaign was misleading but I genuinely regret writing this piece. If I could make amends for it, by doing a benefit gig or whatever I would happily do so, although no doubt some smartarse would then accuse me of chasing the pink pound.

Q: Do you hate women as much as perverts and pooftahs?

A: Love women, don’t know any perverts, although my old guitarist is a transvestite now – does that count?

From So It Goes - John Fleming's Blog.

Thought I might as well post this, for the record.

Glad we've cleared this up.

Ronnie Kray: Huge Kylie Fan

INSIDE Broadmoor brought back memories of the times I visited Ronnie Kray in there.
He was a huge Kylie Minogue fan and begged me to bring her along.
I’m one of the few people alive who have heard I Should Be So Lucky sung by Ron Kray.
He had a terrible voice. But even Simon Cowell wouldn’t have dared tell him so.

Daily Star TV critic, Garry Bushell.

Oh let this be true.
You can always trust Gazza, can't you?

PS Only just saw this on their site, but simply had to share!

Vicious: Well, Do You?

Eh?

Tom Sutcliffe on Independent Voices on the TV show everyone's talking about!
Was it actually funny, why was it so divisive, and what does this all mean?
Blah blah blah... snore!

PS Today's Telegraph proposes a new conspiracy theory;

"On first viewing I couldn’t understand why, in the year 2013, two gay men – Gary Janetti and Mark Ravenhill – would create a comedy about gay men who conform to almost every homophobic stereotype: bitchy, vain, melodramatic, lecherous, rude, sulky...

"Then it struck me. Vicious was a wind-up, its aim to enrage bilious homophobes by rubbing their faces in their own prejudices. “There! See!” the bilious homophobes would splutter. “Homosexuals are every bit as seedy and unpleasant as I thought! God, they make me so angry, I could… Arrrgh! My chest! Call 999! I’m having a heart attack!”

"I suppose there is an alternative possibility, namely that Vicious is just a load of hackneyed old rubbish. But I’m sure that can't be it."

Fagburn wonders how many Telegraph readers are in the "bilious homophobes" camp?
And lest people think I'm obsessed with this show I'll leave the last word to their Gerard O'Donovan.

"Last week’s opening episode of ITV’s much trumpeted Vicious – a camp-as-custard comedy about two lovably acid-tongued old queens, Freddie (Ian McKellen) and Stuart (Derek Jacobi), living out their twilight years in mutually vitriolic bliss – rather divided critical opinion. Mostly, it must be said, between whether it was just plain awful or unforgivably abysmal." 

Update: Seems I spoke too soon.
The show has another fan - Garry Bushell in the Daily Star! 
"Proper stars in an orgy of put-downs – what’s not to like?"

But - quicker than you can say "Some of my best mates are poofs" - Gazza notes; "But it’s hard to keep up with PC thinking on these vital matters.

"For decades we were told that Mr Humphries was an insulting caricature, yet now ITV, the gayest of all networks, has decided he’s funny again. Newsflash: he always was."


PS Having now endured watching Vicious all the way through, here's my two cents:

If they got in a decent script editor, who could start by cutting half the "How old?!!" lines, and if Ian and Derek toned down the hammy over-acting - how can two great gay actors make "acting gay" look so laboured? - and if they lost the laughter track, which only serves to over-emphasise the lamer gags, it might have been just about bearable. 
Just about.