Quote Of The Day: Frankie Boyle

Stephen Crabb has come under fire for links to a group that claims it can cure homosexuality, and, having had a quick look at him, he’s definitely cured me: his beaming face is like a grim party game where blindfolded children have to try to place the eyes on to an identikit photograph of a murderer.

Frankie Boyle in The Guardian.

Stephen Sutton: #SoBrave etc etc

Thought For The Day: Frankie Boyle

I only have two reservations about gay marriage. Firstly, it’s against the holy teachings of our Lord. Secondly, it could fundamentally undermine ratios at wife-swapping parties.
Of course, the official Catholic position is against. As opposed to the unofficial Catholic position — bent over the font biting down hard on a hymn book.
Plans for gay marriage have been approved by MPs despite opposition from nearly half the Tories. They’re worried their rent boys will propose.
One chief opponent is Tory MP Peter Bone.
A little rich as I’m sure I saw his name on the credits of Dishonorable Members 2... I won’t go into details but let’s just say afterwards they had to take a nail brush to the mace.
Lord Tebbit says new legislation could allow him to marry his son to escape inheritance tax.
His son must be devastated that his dad only wants to marry him for his own money.
Tebbit made his anti-gay comments in an interview with homeless newspaper The Big Issue, a publication he actually helped start by being part of Margaret Thatcher’s Cabinet.
I suspect his dislike is at a deeper level. He may have seen gay men stripped to the waist and glistening with sweat, and subconsciously thought they might be mining coal.
Tebbit insists he doesn’t necessarily object to seeing a gay couple together at the altar. So long as it’s in boxes following a shame-induced suicide pact.
He raised the possibility of a lesbian queen. She’d be a lot like the normal queen, but with fewer corgis and more cats.
Apparently, in private, Tebbit confesses he’d be happy to attend a gay church wedding. As he could cover his body in gold paint in order to leap down from the crucifix at the crucial moment and shout: “Not on my watch, ladymen!”

Frankie Boyle in The Sun.

PS Frankie Boyle - a huge Chomsky fan - has it written into his contract that they can't change a single word in his mighty column.

Exclusive: Now Cameron Bans Jokes!

British prime minister David Cameron wants to ban all jokes.
Cameron, the Conservative leader who attended the royal wedding last week, supports a ban on all jokes - particularly on TV.
An independent survey may recommend the restriction - or then again it may not.
According to a new press release issued by the Royal London Society for the Blind and reprinted in today's Daily Mirror; "Most people say they no longer find jokes about disability, race or sexuality funny.
"More than eight out of 10 now believe such gags are unacceptable and a third told researchers they felt 'uncomfortable' when told a joke about a sensitive subject."
The survey was carried out in the wake of Frankie Boyle’s gag about Katie Price’s disabled son, Harvey, on his Tramadol Nights show.
Although David Cameron is completely unaware of the survey's existence, a source close to the PM who really exists told Fagburn: "This could spell the end of all jokes on TV - and not just before the watershed, but, like, ever."
The ban has been slammed by someone from Corrie who Twittered last night; "So PM now baning jokes. WOT!!! Is he having a larf? LOLZ!!!"

Fagburn Awards 11: TV Programme Of The Year That's Not Glee

1. Ray Davies - Imaginary Man
Julien Temple is known as a beautifully inventive documentary-maker. Here his invention lay in just letting Britain's greatest - and maddest - songwriter speak for himself.

2. Birds Brittania
The name was a nod to the award-winning BBC4 strand of music documentaries. The programme was an entrancing social history of Britain told through its changing birdlife.
You won't get things like this when Rupert Murdoch runs the world, you know?

3. Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights
Made me laugh more than anything else this year. Big fan of Chomsky too. Can't be bad.