Headline Of The Week: The Sun

"I'll Make Raoul Moat Look Like A Fucking Fairy"

"A MAN in a 32-hour gun siege with police boasted he would 'make Raoul Moat look like a f****** fairy'.
"Police had laid siege to the home of Dave Cawston, 45, who was eventually stunned with a Taser gun and arrested.
"He had earlier allegedly approached two builders working nearby and showed them a gun."

I'm so glad The Sun asterixed out the first f-word - I have restored it above for added gritty authenticity.
It's slightly ironic that Mr Cawston looks like a big fucking fairy.
Tetesterone-fuelled psychopathic nutjobs, dontcha just love 'em?

The Sun: "I Was Raoul Moat's Secret Gay Lover"

"CRAZED Raoul Moat was cheating on his girlfriend with a MAN before he shot her and murdered her new lover, The Sun can reveal.
The cop-hating gun maniac - who also blinded PC David Rathband - was terrified his reputation as a hardman would be wrecked if fellow bouncers ever rumbled the fling.
"His secret boyfriend Carl Redford, 34, last night finally broke his silence about their FOUR-YEAR affair, saying: "Raoul had a certain image - and being gay didn't fit with that. He found me attractive and I was flattered. We satisfied each other."

You couldn't make it up.
Fagburn would like to ask Raoul to verify this story in the ever reliable Sun, but unfortunately he is dead - legend!!! etc