"And to anyone who has reservations, I say: Yes, it's about equality, but it's also about something else: commitment. Conservatives believe in the ties that bind us; that society is stronger when we make vows to each other and support each other. So I don't support gay marriage despite being a Conservative. I support gay marriage because I'm a Conservative."
David Cameron, Leader's speech to Conservative Party Conference 2011.
Technically, you're also consulting on keeping gay marriage illegal.
If you're so enthusiastic draft some legislation.
And if you ever did get round to introducing a bill on same-sex marriage it'll be Tories in the House of Lords who'll block it.
And, forgive me, but I can't remember ever "making vows" with anyone.
Should people make vows with their boss?
The postman?
And are gay men only to be valued if they make the commitment of marriage?
What if they're quite happy being a slut?
"I support gay marriage because I'm a Conservative."
And that's why I'm rapidly going off the idea.
As I've written elsewhere the Tories recent moves on gay rights - the blood ban, passports, clearing criminal records - are just doing a bit of light dusting after someone else has cleaned the entire fucking house.
Or built it.
I also increasingly believe that Cameron's newfound commitment to gay rights and gay marriage is being used to distract from his party's cruelty and cuntery in so many other areas.
"Can anyone come up with a new policy that'll make us look nice, but won't cost money?"
Pass the sick bag, Alice.
• David Cameron also dropped this nonsensical line into his speech; "Yes it's the age-old irony of the liberal left: they practice oppression and call it equality." Just to reassure everyone living on Daily Mail Island.
Update: "The best arguments in favour of gay marriage are conservative ones." Spectator comment.
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