President Obama: Makes Speech, Mentions Gays, Whoop!

The world was literally turned upside down last night after President Barack Obama mentioned The Gays in passing during a speech, Gay Star Old News can exclusively reveal.
In what's thought to be a nod to leading Civil Rights campaigner and philosopher, Michael Jackson, President Obama said; "It doesn’t matter whether you’re black or white or Hispanic or Asian or Native American, or young or old, or rich or poor, tall, short, abled, disabled, gay or straight, thin, fat or even really disgustingly morbidly obese - just as long as you vote for me."
The crowd wildly applauded his soaring, if empty, rhetoric in the sort of frenzy you don't usually see outside of some scary evangelical meeting or a zoo.
Several gay journalists spontaneously ejaculated as if Saint Barack of Obama had made rainbows magically fly out of his bumbum, followed by Tom Daley and Lady Gaga riding unicorns. 
"I am so very grateful he said exactly one word about The Gays in a very long speech," said self-styled gay media mogul and apolitical drivel machine, Tristram Fotherington-Thomas. "This sends out a very clear message that LGBT people should only be mentioned fleetingly and very quickly, and should be grateful for crumbs."
Stevie Wonder, a blind but nonetheless popular singer, underscored Obama's heartfelt and in no way sentimental sentiments by leading the crowd in a singalong of the classic song; 'Ebony & Ivory' - which is about black and white people living together in perfect harmony on a piano keyboard.
Leading gay commentator Patrick Smugtwit tweeted; "Literally moved to tears. Tears of real joy! For wet liberals like my fantastic yet modest self, Obama is the imaginary black friend we never had."
President Obama today showed his commitment to LGBT equality by sending some more drones to Pakistan and making sure they indiscriminately kill loads of gay people, too.
Asked afterwards about the plight of Bradley Manning - the accused WikiLeaks whistleblower who has now been held for 899 days without trial - the Leader Of The Free World commented; "Meh, whatever."

Thought For The Day: Stevie Wonder

"I think honestly, some people who think they're gay, they're confused. People can misconstrue closeness for love. People can feel connected, they bond. I'm not saying all [gay people are confused]. Some people have a desire to be with the same sex. But that's them."

Oh dear - bit clumsy, Stevie.
Interview in The Guardian by Paul Lester.
He was responding to a question about Frank Ocean's apparent coming out.
It now seems obligatory for white journalists to bring this up when they interview black artists.
It's a new variation on ye olde 'Hip Hop = Homophobic' saw.
Cause all black people hate queers, right?
More like some white straight journalists can't get their head round the idea of a black gay man.
It's patronising racist Orientalist junk.
Basically.

PS Paul Lester is hardly someone to pull someone up on their homophobia.

Update: An official apology/clarification.