Exclusive: Kim Jong-il Takes Strictly Crown

Secretive North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, is the winner of this year's Strictly Come Dancing, Fagburn can reveal.
Kim, who is openly mad, beat his closest rival the former Czech leader, Vaclav Havel, in a phone vote.
He wowed the judges in the final round by dancing to Born This Way by Lady Gaga.
The ballroom champion said; "All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has supported me.
"I have had the most incredible experience. I have been on the best show on TV and I am just honoured."
The rating's-winning final was filmed at the Downton Abbey Ballroom.
Kim looked overjoyed as he was given his prize, one of those Heston Blumenthal christmas puddings with an orange in it from Waitrose.
In a figure that's completely made-up, these are now selling for as much as £4,000 on eBay.
Kim was congratulated by his civil partner, Russell Grant.
President Kim is 4'2".

• Yes, the christmas news drought continues apace...

North Korea: Like Father, Like Sung

Fagburn has written before about how Kim Jong-Il's second son, Kim Jung-Chul, was passed over for dynastic succesion on account of Kim senior thinking he was a girlyboy.
But is Fagburn alone in thinking Kim Jong-Il looks "a bit gay"?

North Korea: Queen Barred From Royal Succession

The big international story today is that North Korea's Dear Leader, Kim Jong-il, looks likely to annoint/appoint his youngest son - the appropriately named Kim Jong-un - as his successor next week.
I know what you're thinking - surely this isn't the natural line of succession in the world's first communist monarchy?
Kim's eldest son Kim Jong-nam famously fucked up by trying to get into Japan in 2001 on a fake passport on an aborted visit Tokyo Disneyland.
But what about the middle one, Kim Jong-chul?
'Kenji Fujimoto, the pseudonym of a Japanese sushi chef who spent 13 years cooking for Kim Jong-il, has written that the leader considered his second son "no good because he is like a little girl."'